My ET was yesterday. I think I have a dx

ccbanana · January 2010

Hi girls,

I logged on yesterday but couldn't figure out quite what to type. Out of our 3 embies, only one lived to day 5. It was a 3b/c quality (mediocre) and we did transfer it. I know it only takes one... but hearing that only 1 survived was really rough. As was the news that I have poor egg quality. My RE said it's not uncommon for women with higher stages of endometriosis to have poorer eggs and less embies, but for me they said that under the microscope, my eggs had poor quality from the get-go.

I spent most of the day yesterday fretting over all of this news. I have very little hope for this one little embie, but I am still resting today and am going to follow all of the guidelines he gave me for the 2ww.

I can't help but feel like my super-fertile H deserves a better wife, one who can give him a family. I'm resentful and sad and feel like I might benefit from some sort of therapy. Has anyone tried this?

Anyway, I'm rambling, sorry. The jist - I have sh*tty eggs and one iffy embie in me at the moment (I think).

Dragonfly1226 · January 2010

I am so sorry hon.

I do see a therapist, and it helps me. She specializes in IF.

I am sending tons of PPV to you and your embie. I hope it is snuggling in right now.

(((((hugehugs)))))

NurseMommy458 · January 2010

Oh ccb I'm so sorry. I know that must be really hard for you! Here's hoping that one little embie will stay strong and implant!!

kthappy76 · January 2010

ccbanana:

I can't help but feel like my super-fertile H deserves a better wife, one who can give him a family. I'm resentful and sad and feel like I might benefit from some sort of therapy. Has anyone tried this?

I am so sorry for your dx. I think most of us can relate to the feelings you are having (even if we don't have a dx). I went to a therapist for the first time this week and I highly recommend it. Hang in there, we'll be pulling for you and your fighter embie.

perry7285 · January 2010

i'm so sorry about the bad news about your eggs. i'll be praying for your little embie.

please try not to be hard on yourself, your husband is very lucky to be with a woman like you! it sounds like counseling might be a really good way to work with some of these emotions. i haven't tried it personally but i would definitely encourage you to give it a shot if you feel like talking to someone would help.

icedcoffeeluv · January 2010

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I'll be sending lots of good vibes to your little embie.

LisaMarie95 · January 2010

I am sorry for your dx. Let's hope that your embie digs down deep. Sending you thoughts and prayers. I agree that you might need to talk to someone to help you get through this. I am also sure that your H does not feel like you do.

BeccaLandes · January 2010

I'm sorry there wasn't better news yesterday. It is hard to be hopeful when you go into the 2ww feeling the way you do.

I know what you mean about feeling like your husband deserves someone more fertile, I felt the same way. My husband always assured me that he would rather be childless with me than have children with anyone else, and I bet your husband feels the same way.

I was in therapy throughout my IF journey, and then saw someone who specialized in IF. It is helpful to have someone to talk to and sort out your feelings.

floridakat · January 2010

Oh, hun. Endo just sucks. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I really hope this one embie is the one. It's great that it made it to 5dt!! GL!!!

DinaLINY · January 2010

I am so sorry that the news wasn't any better. I hope your 1 embie gets nice and strong!!! PPV!!

hollymichael · January 2010

I'm sorry. <<Hugs>>

I really hope that one embie settles in and hangs on tight. It does only take one. Also, that one must be a strong one since it made it this far!!!

That is interesting what your RE had to say about egg quality and endo. I had not heard that before. Although I have not been dx with endo, I have always suspected I have it. I have quite a few of the symptoms.

If you are feeling down, I think you would benefit from some therapy. Just talking through how you are feeling might help. I haven't gone yet, but I have a list of recommended therapists on stand by. I keep telling my DH that he deserves a fertile woman and he looks at me like I am nuts. Your H wants a family with YOU.

Hang in there and go do something really nice for yourself today (or tomorrow if you are on bed rest today). More <<hugs>>.

njdcgirl · January 2010

Pulling hard for your embie to snuggle in tight. ((HUGS)) to you. I can only imagine how hard it is to remain hopeful when you have gotten such tough news.

I too have been going to therapy (since last April - approx. every 2 weeks) and it is really helpful for me to talk to someone about this rollercoaster. Give it a try!

MrsP71506 · January 2010

I am so sorry hon and I think therapy really helps people

good luck!!

ccbanana · January 2010

Thanks ladies

GenRN45 · January 2010

i'm sorry you didn't get the news you wanted, but I'm holding out hope for your 1 embie.

good luck CC.

Jlynn3 · January 2010

Sending you tons of thoughts and prayers that your embie is snuggling in tight! (((hugs)))

Jill070707 · January 2010

I'm so sorry, cc. I am hoping and praying things work out with your embie. I can understand your feeling of holding your husband back. I hope you're able to find some peace, I think therapy is a great idea.

juliannat · January 2010

Good luck - I'm really hoping that your embie is a trooper! Like pps said, it only takes one - hard to try to be positive, but just keep thinking that and you just never know...

(((HUGS)))

yodasmistress · January 2010

Your H didn't marry you because of the quality of your eggs - he married you because you're a freaking awesome lady that he loves more than anyone else in the entire universe!

k-mart · January 2010

CC, I'm so sorry. You just must be hurting so bad. I'm sending your little bean snuggling dust so it stays put! {{{{HUGS}}}}

altee9 · January 2010

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I think most of us can relate to your feelings though. I very often feel as if my H deserves someone more fertile! I have not seen as therapist for IF, but I have seen a couple in the past for other difficult situations. I am a huge advocate of therapists and believe only good come out of talking with one!

I hope your little embie is snuggling in for a nine month stay!

Mrs.AmandaMqn · January 2010

I'm sorry you got bad news about your eggs. I've thought about seeking therapy many times and think it would help a lot. ::hugs::

I am sending tons of PPV to your embie.

PoeticJustice · January 2010

Sweetie ((HUGS)) I am sorry about the other embies and praying that the one you have snuggles in...

DMD1029 · January 2010

I'm so sorry that you're going thru this! This journey is never easy. I spent a lifetime scoffing at theraphy, but after going thru the IF journey, I now strongly believe in it. It just helps to have someone who is going to be supportive and be there for you. Hopefully your thoughts that your husband should have another wife have gone away. You two found eachother for a reason. This is hard, but together, you can find a way through it.

patchen30 · January 2010

I'm so sorry. I think Yoda said it best when she said YH married you b/c of YOU, not b/c of your eggs! (((hugs))) I hope the one you transfered snuggles in, and if this one doesn't work out something else will and it will all be ok. (((hugs again))))

albjag · January 2010

I'm sorry ((hugs))

Don't blame yourself hon or feel like it's your fault. It's not.

I do think it would be good to see a therapist who specializes in IF. You can always give it a shot and see if it helps you.

May your little embie be a rockstar and snuggle in for 9 long months!! You are right- all it takes is one- and I'm hoping this one is your special one.

Good luck!

Mattysgirl04 · January 2010

Hugs to you-I understand.

When I had my ER we got 9 eggs and not all of them fertilized. By day 3, only 2 looked "OK." So we did a 3 day transfer, 2 embies, one C+ and the other a C or C-? By day 5, the rest of my embies didn't make it. Anyways, I left knowing my eggs weren't the greatest and the % of success was cut in half. Positive thinking, prayers and knowing there are miracles are out there. Look at the siggy- it only takes one my friend. Hang in there and yes, if you seek counseling, it is a great idea and has helped me in the past too. We all can relate to your feelings in some way shape or form. Good luck!!

ccbanana · January 2010

Mattysgirl04:

Hugs to you-I understand.

When I had my ER we got 9 eggs and not all of them fertilized. By day 3, only 2 looked "OK." So we did a 3 day transfer, 2 embies, one C+ and the other a C or C-? By day 5, the rest of my embies didn't make it. Anyways, I left knowing my eggs weren't the greatest and the % of success was cut in half. Positive thinking, prayers and knowing there are miracles are out there. Look at the siggy- it only takes one my friend. Hang in there and yes, if you seek counseling, it is a great idea and has helped me in the past too. We all can relate to your feelings in some way shape or form. Good luck!!

Thank you so much for posting this!!!!!

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