Working moms who don't want to SAH

nickicl · January 2010

It seems so popular on this board to be or wish to be a SAH. I see so many comments about how great it is for the kids. As a mom who chooses to work, just like my mom did, I think working will be really good for my child as well.

Benefits:

I may not be able to sit with my son all day but the time I spend with him will be quality! I will be refeshed and excited.

I will get some adult time and my own self confidence will be maintained through achievements at work. Happy moms (whatever works) are good for kids.

Its good for my marriage. Studies show that when both mom and dad work they understand each other better and are less like to argue about responsibility at home. + extra money can be used to hire help or towards stress reducing entertainment or vacations.

I will be teaching my child about working and work-life balance which is what most people wind up having to do when they grow up.

I like the daycare and the fact that he will be meeting other children and have some additional caretakers who are knowledgable about child development and impartial (besides just gmas who want to spoil).

Anyone else like being a working mom and see advantages to doing so as well?

hriesen4 · January 2010

I'm torn, honestly. I LOVE my job to death and think all your points are great. On the other hand, I am a freaking nutcase w/ worry. I constantly check on her and haven't been able to leave her for very long w/ someone else.

I start back on Feb. 22. I can't wait to work w/ my class and have adult conversations w/ coworkers. On the other hand, it's going to be the hardest day of my life.

Lindsey7521 · January 2010

I feel the same way....I do enjoy staying at home with her, but I cant wait to go back to work. Both my parents worked fulltime and my sister and I turned out fine. I looove my daughter, but I'd like to have some sort of identity other than a Mom and Wife.

wordtoyourmother · January 2010

I can tell you that my feelings about being a SAHM/WAHM have changed. While I know its ideal for my family that I stay at home (daycare costs, more quality time with LO) - I'm completely exhausted and bored. By 5pm, all I want to do is hand her off to someone else.

Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about going into the office, coming back refreshed and energized for LO when I get home.

Either way, I think the grass is always greener.......

Steph9-17-04 · January 2010

I agree 100%. I love my son and I love my job. I have been home for a week and a half, I know that I would not be happy staying at home. I have had many people flame me for my choice to return to work. Also, a lot of people can't believe that I'm not taking a full 12 weeks or more to stay home with him. Yes, I'm going back to work after 6 weeks but that doesn't mean I don't love my kid.

nickicl · January 2010

Yes I understand that. I am sure it will be hard from me at first too. I am not trying to be down on SAHM but I feel like sometimes people are down on working moms. I think its important to keep the positve perspective in mind so that the choice isn't based only on fears.

nealbl · January 2010

I would like to work part time. I agree with you that a daycare is great for kids to get to interact with other kids.

I think it depends on the marriage if you will be arguing about housework money etc...My SIL is a SAHM and she sends her kids to preschool 3 days a week. The oldest now goes 5 days a week. They do not argue about who does what but they have a great marriage and understanding with eachother.

Some may love the accomplishments at work while other may love the accomplishments at home. All in all I agree that a happy mom and dad will make a happy child and family.

wordtoyourmother · January 2010

nealbl:
Some may love the accomplishments at work while other may love the accomplishments at home.

Yes

elana80 · January 2010

I worked part-time, in the evenings until my older dd was almost two, and realized I wasn't very good at it. I didn't get her out enough to keep her happy and stimulated, I had a hard time keeping the house picked up, and just started feeling frustrated.

I started working full-time, day time hours when she was almost two, and couldn't be happier. Our older dd is doing wonderfully, and loves the day-care environment. The socialization, etc, are great benefits for her.

I'm almost done with maternity leave this time around. I return to work next Friday, and am looking forward to it, though I'll miss Brynn terribly. I think I'm just the type of person who needs more structure in her life that isn't self-imposed.

jkparish · January 2010

I'm nervous about going back to work in 2 weeks but I have a great job and have been off for 6 months - I am READY to go back! I was on bedrest for 13 weeks plus maternity leave for a c-section and all I can say is that I really respect SAHMs, but it is not for me. I get so depressed being here some days and I crave adult conversation. Also, for us to give ds the life we want him to have, we both have to work.

lizz00344 · January 2010

I completely agree. Prior to DS, I thought being a SAHM was my 'dream' job. I certainly don't think that now. Don't get me wrong, I love my son with all I have, but I'm the type of person who needs adult interaction on a daily basis. I love my job and the people that I work with, and I just couldn't picture myself staying at home all day with DS. By the end of the day, I'm so burnt out I can't even stand myself and I feel so isolated. It's pretty bad when you look forward to going to Walmart just to get out of the house. I give SAHM's a lot of credit though- it's the toughest job you'll ever have. I look forward to going back to work, and now I have even more to work for and come home to.

Mrs.Syntax · January 2010

Just wanted to say ITA with all of your points. There are benefits and downfalls to both lifestyles; you just have to pick what works for your family. I'm personally going to SAH but that's because my job is stressful and not really that enriching and I think I would not be a balanced person. However, if I liked my job I could see continuing to work.

iheartinky · January 2010

I started back to work 20 hrs/week 2 wks ago. I can bring my DS to work, but it's hard to do that and get things done. I only leave DS with hubby, but even that is hard. On the other hand, I feel like I am on vacation when I'm at work without DS. I almost feel guilty, but it's much-needed adult time and time to myself, even if it is at work. I am a person that needs to work to feel like I am accomplishing things in life. Although taking care of a child is work, it just doesn't do as much for my self-esteem and self-worth that work does.

DDearinger · January 2010

I definitely like being a working momma! The horomones had me thinking I actually wanted to SAH, but I was going crazy and by the end of the day I felt like I had hardly done anything productive, plus I just wanted for DH to take DD so I could get a break. I was definitely feeling resentment at DH for going to work and not "understanding me" while I stayed at home all day "doing nothing" in his words (Which we all know is a load of crap!). Now we can spend time together with DD, which makes for awesome family time and we are getting along so much better! I think it helps our relationship with DD too!!

Dont get me wrong I love the weekends when I can spend all day with her. But its nice to interact with other adults and just be out of the house! I definitely give props to those mommas who do SAH - I think it really is hard work and I applaud those of you who make it work! I just don't think it is for me at this time.

Jerseygirl16 · January 2010

I am a SAHM but I can see that both sides has it's clear benefits. And it depends a lot on the person in question. A happy mom is the best mom and that means different things to different women. I also think it has a lot to do with your own upbringing. You grew up with a working mom and feel like this is best for your own children (which means that it is). For me I grew up with a mom who stopped working to stay at home with me until I was about 13 and has been working full time since. I felt like I got the best of both worlds... a mom that was all mine when I was young and made me feel like I came first and later a mom that showed me a woman could have a family and a career at the same time. That is what I plan on for my own children. I loved working and will definitely return to it one day. But, for right now there is no place I would rather be (most days anyway... lol).

pagingdrmiller · January 2010

I worried that I'd want to be a SAHM throughout my pregnancy-we need two incomes to support the lifestyle DH and I created. After 6 weeks of maternity leave, I'm looking forward to going back to work. I love spending my days with DD, but I cannot see it as a precious, short-term opportunity. I think two happy working parents is best for DD-and definitely best for our relationship.

cubuff98 · January 2010

I go back to work on February 9th and although I will be sad to leave LO alone all day, I am very blessed to have my sister-in-law as a live-in nanny for a year. Also, I love my job so I think that makes it a lot easier to go back vs. returning to a job you dread.

ktang · January 2010

I'm going back to work Feb 1, and I'm definitely sad to leave her, and worried that I'll miss some of her big milestones while I'm at work. But I've always known that I would go back - in fact, I was definitely pretty militantly pro-working mom before I had my baby! I'm a physician, and have put in a lot of years and hard work to get where I am now in my career, and I feel VERY privileged to get to do what I do! If I had a less satisfying job, I might feel differently.

I also know that during my maternity leave, I kind of turned into a big, unproductive blob, and spent all day wearing pj's and surfing the net or watching DVD's, so I know that I couldn't sustain this for long! Kudos to SAHM's who are able to be productive around the house and take care of their LO's - everyone has different skills and goals!

nmc29 · January 2010

Next week is my last week at home and I can't wait!!

I know I'll be more excited to see DS when I get off work and we'll cherish that time together. Like someone else said, by 5pm, I'm ready to hand him off to someone else. I need some adult interaction and something to stimulate my brain...diapers and bottles just don't do that.

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