Baby # 2 shower or not ?

APREV1210 · January 2010

I am pregnant with my second baby, and he/she will be 4 years apart from my son. My mom tells me the only way you have a baby shower for a second pregnancy is if its many years apart from the first. And my MIL says if it's a girl this time then we will be having a shower. Someone help, I don't want there to be drama. Any suggestions?

megdrew1218 · January 2010

I'm not an etiquette expert... but yeah like five years or more calls for a new shower, especially with a different gender.

If it's uncomfortable for you, go with a "sprinkle" or diaper & wipes shower.

EastCoastBride · January 2010

I'm in the middle on this topic. If someone OFFERS you a shower and you want to accept, then you can do so.

However, I would keep the guest list small. I dont feel this is an "invite everyone I know" event. There are people who will be put off by being invited to another baby shower for you. So- use caution.

I like the idea of a sprinkle. smaller, more personal.

miaomi · January 2010

It would be considered very tacky on either sides of my family. If MIL wants to throw one for her side, just let her and explain that your side will not be taking part, as they don't do 2nd baby showers and you don't want to offend anyone.

mishel635 · January 2010

My friends are throwing me a very small shower at one of their houses. Small as in only 20 people or so- very close friends and immediate family only. My first baby shower we invited almost 100 people. (We both have huge families- had over 300 people at our wedding) I wasn't sure about it, but they said that they really wanted to throw me one since I am having a girl this time and that we could just keep it small. I am not registering- they are just telling everyone who asks that we really only need clothes, blankets, towels etc. I know some people would consider this tacky, and my MIL didn't seem too thrilled with it, but my mom said "If your friends want to throw you a shower then let them. Anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to come." Hope this helps!!

DaniLovesPink · January 2010

If your mom wants to be Etiquette Ellie, then technically, a second shower is never acceptable. But, if there is a huge age difference and gender difference, I think it's acceptable. If there is just one (either just age difference, same gender; or close in age, different gender), you should only have a sprinkle. Anyway, that being said, if you are comfortable with and want a shower, let your MIL throw one for you. If you are undecided on your comfort level and the response of invitees to a second shower, ask MIL just to host a sprinkle or a meet the baby party. If you are totally against it, request not to have one, or to have one and in lieu of gifts, accept donations for a local agency that deals with infants (foster care programs, public service agencies, etc.) That way, you still celebrate, but don't look gift grabby. Good luck!

DNK777 · January 2010

Around here, showers are for first time mothers only. No exceptions.

RoxyLynn · January 2010

DNK777:
Around here, showers are for first time mothers only. No exceptions.

This, absolutely. I've been to dozens of showers and have never, IRL, heard of one for a second-time Mom. If you had just fled Haiti with two kids and another on the way, sure, I'd go to a shower for you or even host one myself. But that's pretty much it.

~*Christina*~ · January 2010

WOW.. Some of the comments amaze me! I have been to many 2nd time showers. I went to a shower last week, and it was her 3rd baby! But, her youngest is turning 5 and she thought she was done having children. So they had just moved and got rid of everything baby. The shower was very small, about 15 people. Her mother and friend threw it, it was a surprise party. We all just got a few small things, diapers and one or two outfits. I think it is fine as long as someone wants to do it for you and it remains small.

~*Christina*~ · January 2010

Oh yeah.. and I won't be having one, but my babies will only be 14 months apart.

ocho2002 · January 2010

Near me, a second shower, sprinkle, meet the baby, sip and see or whatever you want to call a gift giving event does not exist for any baby after no. 1. it is the parent's responsilbilty to provide for the child, regardless of whether you threw your old stuff away, waited 10 years to have another baby or, gasp, were stupid enough to buy all pink when you might have more children.

That being said, if second showers are the norm where you live and you want to accept the offer, then by all means, accept it and enjoy.

hopefulmom · January 2010

In my family and circle of friends 2nd baby showers are a no-no...although my friend gave me one when I was having my 3rd. It had been 17 years and we had moved to another city, joined a different church, etc. It was still fairly small (about 15 people) and a total surprise to me. My DH knew about it. I didn't need anything since we had already bought everything we needed but it was very nice. If she had mentioned it to me I would have declined.

My oldest DD who is having a baby only 3 1/2 years after her first is hosting a Meet the Baby Party. She is thinking most people won't bring a gift and that is totally fine with her since really all she needs are diapers and clothes (if it is a girl). Not like they can't buy that stuff themselves. They always have a party at the beginning of summer (yearly event) so they will just combine that party with "meeting the baby".

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