I'm sobbing at work, DH just called (military vent)

missyjg · January 2010

He's away on military training for what was 3 months in Hawaii (poor guy I know) but was sent to Haiti until the end of the month then going back to Hawaii. But I just got off the phone and his training is postponed and he will be in Hawaii until May 1st.... I'm due in the middle of April meaning he won't make it for the birth. I'm devistated. We've been married for 7 years and together for 10 and we figured that we've only been together for 3 1/2 of those years due to deployments. He missed the other 2 births (which didn't end well) but I really need him here. Any other military mom's out there? I thought we were in the clear b/c DH did his time overseas and actually had a civilian job but you can't negotiate with the military. I'm counting down to his full retirement on May 30th, 2011. Maybe I'll move to Hawaii for 6 months... Thanks for letting me vent.... ::sigh::

NFL_Wife · January 2010

I am so so sorry. Is there any way he can ask for a day or two leave when you go into labor? Hawaii isn't too far away, maybe they'd let him fly back for a day? I really have no idea about how this all works so sorry if this is an ignorant idea.

jksweets · January 2010

Sorry to hear that - I couldn't imagine having to deal with not having DH around for the birth and just life in general. This might be a silly question with not knowing your circumstances - but could you move to Hawaii and be with him until he's released?

Rory419 · January 2010

I am not a military mom so I cannot understand what you are going through, but I just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry about this news and so admire the strength you have to do this.

VampyAuthor · January 2010

I'm so sorry. I know exactly how that is. Gotta love the military. We just found out yesterday that DH will more than liekly deploy sometime in Dec and won't return until sometime mid 2011. He'll miss a lot of milestones. I'm here if you need to talk

seanandcallie · January 2010

I would go to Hawaii...yup. No questions about it.

Tina272 · January 2010

I am so sorry to hear this...hugs

shkdo0701 · January 2010

I'm not a military mom but I have 2 sisters that are. One is currently 2 weeks away from her due date and her DH just left for basic training she is really having a hard time with it.

It stinks and I'm terribly sorry but so thankful for people like your DH. Sending all T &P to you

missyjg · January 2010

DH is leading the training (I have no idea what he does or what he's training but he works for homeland security) and apparently is the only one in this entire country who can do it.... grrr. The military doesn't look to fondly on cancelling training for a few days and delaying deployment of other men b/c DH wants to be home for the birth. I support the military completely, but sometimes I just HATE that DH is in the military. And I don't mean to sound snarky, I'm just emotional right now.

But I'm high risk and can't travel by plane nor by automobile more than 2 hours. And we have 2 foster kids so moving out there is really off the table. Thank God for my family.... I honestly give ladies who will be without DH for months credit..

app1e3 · January 2010

I'm so sorry to hear this.

StrawberryAlarmClock · January 2010

((hugs)) I'm so sorry. I can't believe the military won't let him come home for the birth.

starryeyeddreamer · January 2010

I am so sorry. G & L! I hope it gets better for you!

laurenrobbie · January 2010

Aww honey I am so sorry. I know it will be so difficult for your DH to be away for the birth. The bright spot I saw in your OP was that full retirement is less than a year and a half away! I know that is no consolation right now though. GL to you and thank you so much for the sacrifices your DH and you make for our country!!

Mrs.KLF · January 2010

Wow, I'm so sorry. Reading your siggy is heartbreaking, and to know he can't be there for this birth...I just can't imagine. I agree with the pp's - go to Hawaii!

The Vaughns · January 2010

I am also a military mom-to-be. I am so very sorry that you are going through this right now. I can understand the frustration of living life around the military's plan. It is not easy to be the spouse of a military man.

Stay strong and take action. If that means packing up and moving to Hawaii for 6 months, then make it happen.

Rally any friends, family, and other local mil-spouses that can help support & get you ready whether you decide to go or not. I would take this opportunity and go be with your husband.

mrs.ruiztobe · January 2010

I'm so very sorry to hear this. My DH deployed when I was 12 weeks and came back when our DS was 6 1/2 weeks. Going through labor is scary enough, but to do it without your best friend and strongest support is something that I would not ever wish on anyone. It is such an emotional time, everytime someone asked where my husband was I just started to cry.

Please make sure you have someone to stand in for your DH and be your support because you will need it. I am currently 39 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. DS#1 is 1 and people may think we are crazy to have another baby so close, but we wanted 2 children and with the military you just never know. This was the only time in the next 4 years that we would be able to have a baby and know that he would be around, so we did it, no pun intended Stick out tongue

violetblue72 · January 2010

Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm not a military mom but trying to think of myself in your shoes I'd be bawling too. Let it out, be upset, angry, sad and then get your plan together.

As you said, thank God for family. Use that support all you can. Have your closest family members/friends be with you for the delivery, have one taking pics after (or before, videotaping, calling your DH on the phone if possible, setting up Skype so he can see your baby soon after the birth, whatever you're comfortable with) so DH gets to be involved. And also so you can share those moments with him afterward.

Try to focus on the lifetime you'll have as a family with your child to get through this part. It looks like you've worked so hard to get where you are and you're incredibly strong... best of luck to you and your family.

Meli0604 · January 2010

I cannot believe they won't let him come home. I come from a military family. My father and brother are both in the army (my dad just came home from Afghanistan) and my DH was in the Marines and was deployed to both Afghanistan and Iraq (thankfully he's out now), so I have a small idea what you're going through.

I'm really surprised they won't let him come home. They let my cousin come home from Afghanistan for the birth of his son - he had to return 2 days later, but he was there for the birth which was most important to them. They were going to let my father come home from Afghanistan for my wedding but there was an incident and due to injuries he couldn't come home. Maybe each branch works differently.

Paige's Mommy · January 2010

You've been through so much. I really hope your able to have your DH with you when you welcome your baby into the world.

SoldiersGreenBean · January 2010

Meli0604:

I cannot believe they won't let him come home. I come from a military family. My father and brother are both in the army (my dad just came home from Afghanistan) and my DH was in the Marines and was deployed to both Afghanistan and Iraq (thankfully he's out now), so I have a small idea what you're going through.

I'm really surprised they won't let him come home. They let my cousin come home from Afghanistan for the birth of his son - he had to return 2 days later, but he was there for the birth which was most important to them. They were going to let my father come home from Afghanistan for my wedding but there was an incident and due to injuries he couldn't come home. Maybe each branch works differently.

With so much family in the military, I'm really surprised that you're surprised they won't let him come home.

OP, that really sucks. I'm sorry he won't be able to be here for the birth. I'm also sorry that your situation is one that doesn't allow you to travel to see him.

foreignroyalty · January 2010

I really would go to Hawaii. I would need him with me.

Meli0604 · January 2010

SoldiersGreenBean:
Meli0604:

I cannot believe they won't let him come home. I come from a military family. My father and brother are both in the army (my dad just came home from Afghanistan) and my DH was in the Marines and was deployed to both Afghanistan and Iraq (thankfully he's out now), so I have a small idea what you're going through.

I'm really surprised they won't let him come home. They let my cousin come home from Afghanistan for the birth of his son - he had to return 2 days later, but he was there for the birth which was most important to them. They were going to let my father come home from Afghanistan for my wedding but there was an incident and due to injuries he couldn't come home. Maybe each branch works differently.

With so much family in the military, I'm really surprised that you're surprised they won't let him come home.

OP, that really sucks. I'm sorry he won't be able to be here for the birth. I'm also sorry that your situation is one that doesn't allow you to travel to see him.

Believe me - I know the military isn't known for making life easier for one person. I'm only surprised b/c like I said, the people I've known personally were given permission to come home. Obviously not everyone is so lucky. That's why I said I only have a small idea what OP is going through. I have not had to experience giving birth without DH at my side, so I can't even pretend to know how that feels.

missyjg · January 2010

Thanks ladies, your advise was very helpful. I'd love to move to Hawaii to be with him but with 2 foster kids, a house and being high risk it's simply not an option. DH has been in the service for 14 years and when you move up in the ranks it becomes much harder to ask for leave b/c of family needs. It means stopping entire training missions b/c of one person, doesn't happen often. Especially now and b/c DH works for homeland security they really don't have the option of "leave" except when it's provided to him. When he was a srgt. in the Army, it would have been more negotiable I guess, but DH was in Iraq when our baby boy was born and they didn't let him come home then either...But one more year and he'll be done for good.

I didn't realize there were so many military moms on here. Is there a seperate board? If not that would have been so helpful today:-(

lizbi0407 · January 2010

My DH is in the Marines and I will say that we have been very lucky this pregnancy with him being here the whole time. But I realize we are not the norm. I pray that your DH will SOME how be able to be there for the birth. I would see if you can use skype or some kind of webcam if he can not make it back home in time. GL with your LO and I hope your DH stays safe! Smile

tiak15 · January 2010

i really feel for you! my husband and i are currently expecting our 2nd and there is a high chance that he will miss the birth of this baby due to being gone for boot camp/ AIT school. He's suppose to graduate from AIT about 5 weeks after my due date which is April 19th, I'm just hoping that everything works out where he'll be able to come home for a little while for the birth, because i would have never made it through labor the first time without him! what makes it even worse is that they're talking about deploying them in December! try to keep your head up and focus on that little one growing inside of you right now. just know that you have people thinking of you! I hope that you're able to at least find someone to stand in for him to be by yourside while you're in labor! thoughts and prayers are with you!

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