Getting frustrated with DH lately (VENT)

cdc1982 · January 2010

Sorry this is so long, this has been building up:

Pretty much since a few weeks after finding out I was pregnant, DH kept asking when nesting kicks in (1/2 joking, 1/2 serious). I kept telling him usually not until around 3rd tri or later, it varies by person. Well, it's kicked in. I've been busting my butt to get things done: finished my list of name combo's; sorted through clothes putting away keepers in a bin downstairs, tossing things & setting things in a bag for donating; took down christmas decorations (all in 1 day, putting them up took a few weeks); getting the last thing of paint for the nursery; sorting through boxes in the basement; organizing/cleaning the basement (need to set up a pantry area since our pantry upstairs is super tiny); measured the nursery, closet & all furniture for the nursery then created layouts on our computer to figure out how things would fit/look; trying to train the dog to not be on the stairs when we are.

Meanwhile, DH isn't doing anything!! I can't paint the nursery, the paint we have isn't the "safe" kind, he keeps saying "I'll only take me a weekend" (read further down on how he spends his weekends lately). He won't let me lift anything he thinks is too heavy or awkward (including the ottoman for the glider) so I can't take any furniture out of the nursery to get it ready for painting. He won't look at names, says he hates reading books & the one we have is too thick but when I say "I'll send you the 2 links I also used & you can do that instead" he whines about doing that too. He told me Sunday night he was planning to look at the name book at work but come Monday morning, it was still buried on the chair under his fleece so I brought it in to work, it's still sitting on his desk where he put it Monday morning. The whole time I'm running around doing stuff, he's sitting on the sofa watching NetFlix on the laptop.

Last night I was doing more measurements in the nursery & he came in with the dog. He looked at the dog & said "this room's going to look a lot different in a few months" (keep in mind that to him, saying "few" equals 3, no more no less). I turned & said "It better look a lot different in way less than 3 months!!"

In regards to the dog, DH still plays with the dog on the stairs & only stops when I yell "No playing on the stairs", this morning he let the dog bring part of a rawhide bone up to the bedroom while we got ready, wwhen I saw it I asked why & he said "Oh, I thought he could chew on it while we got showers" & I reminded him that the dog isn't allowed to have the bones upstairs because he gets possessive of them. So I spent the morning pissed off because DH kept acting like it was no big deal when my first thought is, if he'll get possessive of it around me, what's going to happen when the baby is crawling around upstairs???

I know I need to talk to DH about it but there's 1 of 2 things that will happen: 1) he'll brush things off which will only make me more aggravated/stressed/upset or 2) he'll get defensive & it'll turn into a fight which will only cause me to get more upset & stressed.

I just needed to vent somewhere!!!!

BelhurstBride · January 2010

Sounds like you guys need to have a talk. Keep in mind that just because you're nesting and feeling a sense of urgency he isn't. It sounds like you both need to be understanding of each other's feelings.

Rawhides can be deadly for dogs. Just an FYI.

cdc1982 · January 2010

BelhurstBride:

Sounds like you guys need to have a talk. Keep in mind that just because you're nesting and feeling a sense of urgency he isn't. It sounds like you both need to be understanding of each other's feelings.

Rawhides can be deadly for dogs. Just an FYI.

It's just irking me that he's the one that wanted me to hit nesting & start working on things around the house but when I do he suddenly stops wanting to do anything.

With the rawhide, he doesn't get them often & only when we're there to supervise (we don't leave him with them when we aren't home). He just gets protective of them upstairs for some reason (down in the living room, he acts like they're another toy wanting us to try & take it from him or toss it for him.

KRISTA555 · January 2010

You're not wrong for being upset... but your Dh is also not out of the realm of "normal" for guys. I would never expect my hubby to read through a baby name book. He's not much of a reader either, and there's no way he would actually do it. Our way of picking names is when we're in the car, we'll both give names we like or have been thinking about.

Guys don't really believe this whole "baby thing" is real until they see the baby.. lol

With the nursery, you're right to be annoyed... but he's right in that it really will only take a weekend to paint. However, it sounds like he hasn't grasped how important this is to you. We both know that you can say it till you're blue in the face, but guys still often just don't "get it". As far as the furniture goes... I would tell him "If you're not gonna move the furniture, I am!" and then go in there and actually pretend to start moving stuff. If he's anything like my hubby, he'd rather croak than let his pregnant wife move things on her own.

As with the dog, I have a sinking suspicion your Dh will be much different when LO is born. Something clicks in Daddies and that dog won't be allowed anywhere near LO when the dog is being posessive. Most men have a natural instinct to want to protect their children... and I'm sure it will kick in when he sees LO.

As for not being sure how to handle this... if I were you, I would very calmly talk to him without being accusatory at all. If he gets defensive, stay calm. If he tries to start a fight, stay calm. It only takes one person to keep things from turning into a fight... it takes two people for a fight to break out. Be the bigger person. And on the bonus side... if he snaps back like an azz, and you respond calmly, he will feel like a giant D-bag.

EMWindy · January 2010

I totally remember being frustrated with my DH the first time because he waited till I was 34 weeks to paint. But really, in retrospect, that timing was fine.

I think pregnant women feel more of a sense of urgency because they feel constant kicking and reminders that this baby is coming. And men don't have that constant reminder.

And honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't make a big deal about the room or the dog- your DH does have 3 months, more or less. Take a deep breathe, it will be fine.

BelhurstBride · January 2010

My aunt and uncle were watching their dog when he choked to death as well. They couldn't dislodge the piece of rawhide until it was too late.

cdc1982 · January 2010

BelhurstBride:
My aunt and uncle were watching their dog when he choked to death as well. They couldn't dislodge the piece of rawhide until it was too late.

Bonus for us is he doesn't like them once they're down to a nub (aka: choking size).

BelhurstBride · January 2010

They can still bite of sections of them and choke on them. (Which is often when dogs choke on them, not on the nubs) That's what makes them dangerous. But I'm not going to argue with you about it. If you're comfortable with the risk you're comfortable with the risk. I was just providing you with the information.

Just keep in mind (in reference to your husband) that women become mom's the minute they read that pregnancy test. Men don't usually become a dad until they're holding their child in their arms.

KatieLW · January 2010

I completely understand your frustration. I got my husband a book for dads for Christmas in his stocking and it has literally not moved from it's spot on the coffee table since I got it. I feel an extreme sense of urgency especially because we're having twins. I have been organizing everything and telling him that we have to be much more organized to manage twins. He doesn't want me to lift heavy things so I just get everything ready and tell him if he doesn't come up and move them I will bring them down myself That's worked.

As far as the baby name books go, I started looking at them and just telling him names I liked and even going through the list on my phone (there's a baby name app for iPhones if you have one) and reading them outloud to him and he'll say "Maybe" or "No" and then I just save those names so we can choose from them later. It's kind of fun to do it that way together - and doesn't require any extra 'work' for him by actually having to take the time to sit down and read.

I've also gotten upset because he doesn't seem that interested in touching my belly (it's finally starting to get noticeably bigger) - instead he only seems interested in touching other parts of my body that have gotten bigger! lol.

Anyway, I think guys are just different with this stuff. I'm sure talking with him about it a bit would help - though, be careful, I've noticed when I do that and get 'emotional' my husband blames it on the hormones, even when I have valid points!

Pfew, sorry, my vent is long as well!

court1703 · January 2010

I have no suggestions b/c this fits my DH to a T. With the exception that for some reason he has been motivated a day or 2 a week to work on our remodeling stuff.

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