sil vent - ww(ttgp)d?

LinAv · January 2010

A little over a year ago, SIL & BIL (DH's brother) came out to visit us for Christmas. One of their first nights here, we were at dinner and SIL was bugging me to go to MIL's house afterwards to hang out. I explained to her that I had to be at work really early the next morning and I couldn't. She continued to nag me, to the point of hitting me in the leg with her knee over and over. I kept asking her to stop; she ignored me each time. I finally got irritated and snapped at her to please stop.

Needless to say, I "embarrassed" her in front of family, and she has refused to speak to me since. Funny, since no one else at the table heard me snap at her or be rude/loud in any way.

Fast forward to this Christmas. DH and I sent SIL & BIL a Christmas present that we put thought into. They bought DH (and the rest of the family members) a present, and BIL tried to cover for her saying mine hasn't arrived at their house yet. SIL looked at him, said, "No." then looked at me and said, "I was going to get you a gift card, but I'm broke now." But, they just bought a brand new front door and flat screen tv.

I don't care about the present. What irritates me is that everyone in the family (including DH) thinks I should step forward and be the one to try to mend things. I don't feel I should apologize since I didn't DO anything wrong. In the past, I've always done that to keep peace in the family, but I'm tired of it. DH thinks I should send her a friend request on facebook, but I say, I'm not 12, I'm not befriending someone on facebook to fix things.

This is absolutely childish, and I can't believe I have to deal with it.

What would y'all do?

VIQTPie · January 2010

I would let her keep being the big baby that she is and keep it moving. You can apologize, but I think it will create a bigger monster than you are dealing with (she'll believe that she is right to be a nagging brat to get her way and then pout her way into an apology).

mandy422 · January 2010

I have a similar situation with my family, and my best advice.... MOVE VERY FAR AWAY! For the past 7 years I have lived about 8 hours away from my family, I still visit often but the quality of my life is much better. I can just live like a normal person now. My husband has a very normal family and still can't believe the different levels of chaos that continues to occur on a regular basis within my family. The funny thing is that although I moved away, the same drama still exists to a certain extent. Luckily I am no longer subjected to be right in the middle of it anymore, since I am a "neutral" person and typically don't like to take sides. I have often been a mediator in crappy situations. The Con to my situation is that everyone likes to call me to vent about somebody else since they know I am not going to "bump into them at the supermarket" or hang up and call the other person and start something. So although I am not a part of the drama, I still hear all about it. I agree with you, you are not 12 and you should not be the one that always has to be the bigger person solving all of the problems. How old is your SIL? She sounds like she is 12 if she was nagging you to hang out and kept hitting you in the leg? Strange behavior. BTW, do not friend request her on Facebook. If she is mad at you she could write something on your wall knowing that you won't be home for several hours to catch it and delete the post. Becoming "friends" on FB with people who you are just trying to tolerate is not a good idea. If this were me in your situation, I would speak with her in private to figure out what the real problem is. I don't think she wouldn't talk to you for a year just because you didn't want to hang out with her and even if you did embarrass her I don't think it would take a whole year to get over. Did you get along well before last Christmas? Do you see her during other holidays? Good luck!

LinAv · January 2010

mandy422:
I have a similar situation with my family, and my best advice.... MOVE VERY FAR AWAY! For the past 7 years I have lived about 8 hours away from my family, I still visit often but the quality of my life is much better. I can just live like a normal person now. My husband has a very normal family and still can't believe the different levels of chaos that continues to occur on a regular basis within my family. The funny thing is that although I moved away, the same drama still exists to a certain extent. Luckily I am no longer subjected to be right in the middle of it anymore, since I am a "neutral" person and typically don't like to take sides. I have often been a mediator in crappy situations. The Con to my situation is that everyone likes to call me to vent about somebody else since they know I am not going to "bump into them at the supermarket" or hang up and call the other person and start something. So although I am not a part of the drama, I still hear all about it. I agree with you, you are not 12 and you should not be the one that always has to be the bigger person solving all of the problems. How old is your SIL? She sounds like she is 12 if she was nagging you to hang out and kept hitting you in the leg? Strange behavior. BTW, do not friend request her on Facebook. If she is mad at you she could write something on your wall knowing that you won't be home for several hours to catch it and delete the post. Becoming "friends" on FB with people who you are just trying to tolerate is not a good idea. If this were me in your situation, I would speak with her in private to figure out what the real problem is. I don't think she wouldn't talk to you for a year just because you didn't want to hang out with her and even if you did embarrass her I don't think it would take a whole year to get over. Did you get along well before last Christmas? Do you see her during other holidays? Good luck!

It was an on-again, off-again type friendship. She was my MOH, but she wasn't even speaking to me the night before my wedding.

We already live 500 miles apart, so I don't see her often as it is. She's in her thirties, and yes, she did behave that way at dinner because I didn't want to hang out and drink knowing I had to be at work for 7 am the next day.

happyjc10 · January 2010

I'd just apologize to end this whole thing. It's not healthy to be mad or hold a grudge and be stressed out (especially while ttc). Even though you really didn't do anything wrong, maybe you should just be the mature one and end it. Just my opinion! GL!

gossler54 · January 2010

I think I would try to talk to her and resolve the whole thing. It's your Dh's family and your kinda stuck with them. Believe me I know how this one goes

Jill070707 · January 2010

Be the bigger person and apologize. It sucks, but why keep a feud going? Just let it go. Good luck.

mchupie · January 2010

Honestly I think I would ask DH to talk to his brother and ask what the deal is. I usually let MH deal with whatever issues arise with his family and I deal with the ones that arise with mine (there aren't many issues or anything, it's just easier that way). HTH!

PinkLove-S · January 2010

I am going through the exact same thing and i've just ignored my SIL. i refuse to bend to her childish ways. My whole family caters to her and i refuse to.

It really just depends on how you feel. If you are not ready to make up then don't. Things will work themselves out. You two can coexist without being friends. You should just be cordial, that is what i am doing anyway. It's worked so far. Sorry your SIL is stupid. Wanna trade? Smile

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