So frustrated

miss1180 · January 2010

.** I know this is whiny, and theres not really a point to it... but i just have to vent**

I'm so frustrated that it looks like we'll be missing out on the $12,000 tax credit :-( I've known since i was little that i wouldn't be able to have bio kids, and wanted to adopt. When we got married DH was on board with the idea of adoption... but we wanted to wait a couple years to start the process. We've been married for 4 1/2 years now. I've been "ready" to start the process since last year.... but i was waiting for DH to be more ready.

Now that hes finally ready to start the process, it looks like we won't finalize in time to get the "big" tax credit (since we haven't even started the application process yet) We'll "only" get $5 or $6 K. I know every little bit helps, but its still frustrating!

I'm also having a hard tim deciding what to do... I thought we had "settled" on adopting from China, but last night we met our friends newborn daughter and i realized that i'll be missing out on that sweet, tiny newborn phase :-(

but the domestic agencies i've looked at would cost more than adopting from China would :-(

anyone have any advice??

Go_Dawgs · January 2010

International adoption is typically WAY more expensive than domestic. This is why we haven't even considered it.

I'm hoping that the tax credit is extended. Otherwise, unless we are able to locate our own birth mother through networking and avoid using an agency all together, we'll have to save for several years before we can adopt.

come*on*baby · January 2010

while the tax credit is nice, stay focused on the goal of being parents. if you're interested in adoption, try a private, independent adoption or go through a facilitator. also, open up your choices - be open to Hispanic, AA and Bi-racial children and that lowers the cost of adoption. There's a big need for minority adoptions.

Good luck!

crystalpopcorn · January 2010

Hi there! I'm sorry you are frustrated. You've come to the right place, and will likely get lots of good advice. Here are my thoughts:

Tax credit: Many people are going to lose out on the big tax credit if it does not become permanent. It is not gone yet though. The one thing you can control in this is getting your voice heard. Write to your congress people, and ask them to co-sponsor or support the bill. There is also a facebook group called "save the adoption tax credit" or something like that, so you may be able to get some ideas for what to include in your letter there.

Regarding DA vs IA: This is a tough decision for many people. I am no expert on China, but it is my understanding that people are waiting well over 4-5 years for a healthy baby from China. You may want to explore other countries that have low fees, but shorter wait times. Ethiopia maybe? (I suggest this only because you said you want a newborn, and I think Ethiopian children are some of the youngest available--although not newborn) When comparing the costs between DA and IA, make sure you factor in travel expense. This can apply in either case, I suppose, but will likely be significantly higher in IA.

There are some economical ways to do domestic adoption as well. First, do you live in an a state that requires you to work with an agency? If not, then you could use a facilitator or lawyer, which might cost less. If you are required to work with an agency, shop around and find the agency that best fits your needs. Second, different agencies have different fees. We looked at a national agency that would have easily cost us 40-50k when all was said and done. We ended up signing with a local agency with expenses that are less than half of that amount.

To sum it up, I think that your first step is to decide whether your reasons for adoption. How old do you picture your child being when he/she comes home, etc.? Keep money out of the equation while you think about that. THEN look around for a domestic or international program that best fits your needs--both adoption wise and financially. There is a program out there for every family and every budget. You just have to find it.

ksmeg78 · January 2010

The tax credit ending is frustrating. But it may not happen. Many tax credits are set to expire. There is no way all will and an adoption credit is overall a crowd pleaser so it's possible it may be extended. Even if not, it will be harder financially, but still worth it. I feel your pain because we are adopting three this year so we will definitely have carry over that we may lose.

Also, I would relook into domestic. We are doing international and our country (colombia) is a little cheaper than China typically is, but is still quite a bit more than we could have done domestic for. Of course there are domestic agencies that are more than what we are paying for international. But if you want to do domestic, I think you could find a way for less than international.

MayDayGirl · January 2010

I'm sorry about the tax credit, so frustrating! If you adopt domestically you have a chance of it happening faster than IA, and generally it is cheaper than DA. We are adopting an AA/biracial baby and our fee is $15k

WinWed · January 2010

The other thing to consider between DA and IA - IA has travel costs and typically requires you to be in country a significant amount of time. On the other hand, DA is not as definite - BMs change their minds all the time and, in some states (such as mine) have even a month after birth. Lots to consider on both sides!