Friends IRL

scherpha · January 2010

Last night DH and I got together with friends who we have not seen in a while. He went to college with us and is with his second wife who is a little older than us. She has two children (18 and 21) from her first marriage and they do not plan on any more childern.

We got on the topic of having kids and she was very negative about it. We have not told many people IRL that we are TTC. It was kind of odd to agree with her knowing that we are TTC. Any experience with this type of situation? Any suggestions on how to gracefully handle it - without giving anything away?

SimoneSays22 · January 2010

I'm sorry. That sounds awkward.

I have had people make comments, such as "it's selfish to want a child in his horrible world" and "raising children is so hard, enjoy being married."

While that's fine that people have those opinions (to each their own), I get frustrated when people project those opinions on me and expect me to agree with them. I usually just kind of smile and say "I'm sorry you feel that way!" and then change the subject.

scherpha · January 2010

piecesofflare:
I don't really understand the situation. She was negative about the idea of having kids and you agreed with her?

I didn't agree with her but I felt like I would be giving something away if I was too vocal. It was just odd.

Teach84 · January 2010

I'm not sure if I understand your situation, none of my IRL friends know we are TTC but we have always been open that we do want children some day. One of my close friends has stated that she doesn't want children, she knows that DH and I do and it's not a big deal.

scherpha · January 2010

SimoneSays22:

I'm sorry. That sounds awkward.

I have had people make comments, such as "it's selfish to want a child in his horrible world" and "raising children is so hard, enjoy being married."

While that's fine that people have those opinions (to each their own), I get frustrated when people project those opinions on me and expect me to agree with them. I usually just kind of smile and say "I'm sorry you feel that way!" and then change the subject.

It was definitely a smile and nod kind of conversation. I will steal your line though. DH did a much better job than me not agreeing but not telling.

scherpha · January 2010

Teach84:
I'm not sure if I understand your situation, none of my IRL friends know we are TTC but we have always been open that we do want children some day. One of my close friends has stated that she doesn't want children, she knows that DH and I do and it's not a big deal.

She is someone who we do not know as well. I think that he (the husband) knows that we are open to the idea. It was just odd and I have never heard a mom be so negative. I think that caught me off guard more than I thought.

Temp356619000002780 · January 2010

I don't see why you would have to agree with her. She is older has older kids she is not in your same situation and I really do not see the need to address it at all!! I had a friend tell me, but if you have a baby you will never finish school! It's no ones business how you deal with your life when it comes to making babies!

scherpha · January 2010

Thanks ladies. I think that I just needed to vent a little about it. I was caught off guard by a mom advocating to not have kids. I have not had that experience since actually starting TTC.

Blueyezz0530 · January 2010

Hmm. I would have still been vocal and honest of how I felt about it even though we wouldnt want people knowing we were TTC.

I dunno

tmcox12 · January 2010

scherpha:

Last night DH and I got together with friends who we have not seen in a while. He went to college with us and is with his second wife who is a little older than us. She has two children (18 and 21) from her first marriage and they do not plan on any more childern.

We got on the topic of having kids and she was very negative about it. We have not told many people IRL that we are TTC. It was kind of odd to agree with her knowing that we are TTC. Any experience with this type of situation? Any suggestions on how to gracefully handle it - without giving anything away?

I have had so many people tell me to enjoy being married for a few years first, and do things that I want to do before having a kid, etc etc and they have no idea we are already ttc...

ToshaGirl · January 2010

Just change the subject. No need to agree or continue to discuss.

moviesprincess · January 2010

I hate when people do that. I have had people lecture me on why I should just enjoy being married and that I do not know how hard it will be. You are right, I do not have children yet but I am not stupid. I am a nanny and deal with a child 8 to 10 hours a day everyday and I know that having one of my own will not be easy. That does not make me want a child any less! I even had someone who has never had kids, and not planning on it, lecture me about waiting. Sometimes you just have to nod and smile.

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