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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
lifesadance
member
Can I throw in the towel yet? (long)
lifesadance
member
Breast feeding has not gone according to plan. I set out with the intention to breast feed and pump so that on occasion to get LO used to a bottle for when I go back to work and I was planning to build up a supply so that we'd be set on BM when I go back to work and I'd still pump while at work... fully intending LO to get breast milk until at least 6 months and for as long as I could keep up a routine of pumping at work.
All was good until about 3 days in when LO was screaming -- I mean SCREAMING -- for no reason I could determine. He would not pump, wasn't tired, clean diaper... so a call to the pediatrician came up with a recommendation to give him some formula because since he was such a big boy and my milk hadn't come in yet, he was probably just hungry... and they were right.
Next day I continue to have this issue that he's just not getting enough so the lactation consultant says to pull out my pump and get going. I pumped like a mad woman, every 2-3 hours for 2 weeks. Initially I was getting less than 1/2 ounce combined from both breasts (and this is when I didn't nurse first) but eventually at about day 8-9 I started getting 2 oz. from each side and I was overjoyed that the supply was increasing. That only lasted 2 days though. I continued to pump for now another 2 weeks and the supply has gone down... down... down. Yesterday, every time I pumped, I got about 1/2 ounce combined from both breasts.
As one could imagine this in incredibly disappointing and heartbreaking for me. I have PCOS and knew going in to this that there was a possibility that with all of the hormonal mess that is my body, that breast feeding might be a challenge, if not a huge challenge. I've tried pumping more frequently, I've tried varied strengths on the pump, I drink at least 90 oz. of water a day, I've tried the herbs... nothing is working for me.
I think I'm done, unless someone has some miracle cure for me. I know that "breast is best" but I feel that I've made a good faith effort. It just doesn't seem worth it to take 4 hours of my day away from the baby to pump... and for what? For less milk than he eats in one sitting?
I've called the lactation nurses a bunch of times and they just keep saying the same things: keep pumping! take the herbs! warm compresses & massage! They're being as encouraging as they can but I think I'm at the point where I just need someone to tell me that it's OKAY to stop. It's okay to pack up the pump, to call it a day. It's okay to say I gave it my best shot and it didn't work out. I need someone to say that it's more worthwhile to spend those 4 hours I would have spent pumping and just hold my baby close and enjoy the time we have together before I go back to work.
Or, can someone tell me that they had supply this low and it bounced back miraculously? If someone could tell me that there is even a remotely good chance that if I keep it up my supply will increase significantly... I would keep at it. I REALLY wanted my LO to get breast milk and I'm feeling like a huge failure right now.
It's difficult with PCOS, because my body always seems to come up with new ways to let me down. I'm trying to keep in mind that my body, not without a LOT of hard work, gave me an absolutely beautiful baby boy that is completely healthy and wonderful; I try not to berate my body too much for it's shortcomings, but it's hard not to be disappointed.
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Re: Can I throw in the towel yet? (long)
you poor thing...how frustrating for you but I will be the first one to say this:
IT's OK TO STOP!!!!!!
What's best for mom is best for baby. You have to come to terms and accept your body and the situation first.
you can't produce the adequate amount of milk needed to nourish your little "marlin" so despite your most vigorous efforts to do so, you have to do the NEXT BEST THING and nourish him via formula (which is so close to breast milk these days). It's ok, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok.
My LC told me whether the baby gets 2 months, 2 weeks, 2 days or even 2 hours, it's a blessing and if Breastfeeding is not in the cards not to trip up over it - just accept it, move on, and ENJOY THE BABY!
How can you possibly enjoy your sweetie if you are getting aggravated over your body? (which is not your body's fault - everything happens for a reason)
Let go (if you choose), move on, and get going on enjoying that bundle of joy!
Give yourself an absolute deadline (1 more week or 3 more days). Relax and have no expectations (stop putting pressure on yourself) and If nothing is produced you know you did your best and now can move on to the next best thing.
let me repeat: It's ok, its' ok, it's ok it's ok. Your LO's stages are too short not to enjoy because of your supply frustration.
Deep Breath! IT GETS BETTER.
Exhale.
Best Wishes and relax, ok?
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
I know that guilt feeling when you stop but it is so hard to keep up with pumping. Give yourself a break
Lactation consultants probably wouldn't tell you that it's okay to stop....
But, it IS okay to stop. I know how you feel. I've been there. I stopped, felt guilty for a while, but after a while I realized that it really wasn't that big of a deal. My baby was getting fed nutrionally, she was happy and healthy and I was happy and sane. We were enjoying each other. You need to do what is best for you and if what you want to hear is that it is okay to stop - it is:) Of course, it's supposed to get easier after 6 weeks or so for some women, but it all depends on how important breastfeeding is to you. Just don't feed your baby evaporated milk sweetened with corn syrup.....
THANK YOU!
DH has been so great and supportive about this whole issue as have my sisters... but I guess I just needed other mothers to tell me that it was okay too.
Again, THANK YOU for your support.
I am tired of hearing "breast is best" pounded down our throats all the time! Yes, breast is best when all other factors fall into place. BUT that does not happen for a lot of people and you shouldn't feel guilty if it doesn't. I have formula fed since day one because NOURISHMENT was best for my LO and he got it through formula.
I am sorry you are feeling so let down, but please know you did your best and sometimes after all is said what really is BEST is what works for you!
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
Wow. Except for the PCOS and big baby, I could've written this. Word for word. I, too, am This close to throwing in the towel. It's unfortunate because BFing was the only "plan" I had in place when I got pregnant; it was the only thing I really wanted/needed to do. And now here I am and my milk just will not increase more than 1/2 an ounce here and there.
Unfortunately I don't think you'll get much support from LC's as their job is to push the breast. What does your Ped say? Mine's been acting as an LC bc he knows that if he sends me to an LC they'll just push push push me to BF and pump and dump the formula... and I will not dump the formula bc she's finally growing! Unless my milk miraculously increases by several ounces over today and tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I'm throwing in the towel and I REFUSE to feel guilty about it. We've seriously done all we can!!
click the pic (blog)
This. Your story is very similar to mine. I went through the emotional rollercoaster of not having successful BF too, it's perfectly normal. This too shall pass and your baby will be happy, healthy and thriving on formula. Breastfeeding isn't for everyone and doesn't work out for everyone- there's no shame in stopping, but I know where you're coming from. Like PP said- keep your chin up!
I know how you feel. I just stopped BFing DD this week. She was getting the most painful gas so I started feeling like I couldn't eat anything, next thing you know my supply is gone and I could not get it to come back up at all. I was really upset about it for a while but after just three days on formula exclusively, it is obvious that she is much happier. You have to do what is right for baby AND you! Enjoy your time with your baby!
Oh and DS was only breastfed for about three weeks and has only had one ear infection in his entire life and is super smart (if I do say so myself!). Formula babies thrive just as much as breastfed babies!