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2nd Trimester
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How much initiative does your dh take...
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when it comes to researching/prepping for the baby?
I realize that I'm more type A than he is, so I'm just thinking months ahead of where he's thinking, but today I was feeling annoyed that he wasn't taking the initiative with planning.
I've bought all of the books, I'm the one reading baby bargains, I'm the one researching day cares, I'm the one who chose to have a midwife and then found our midwife, and I'm the one doing the research about baby supplies and labor and cloth diapers and whatever else.
I'm sure I'm just being pissy, but it might make me feel better if some of your dh's were the same.
To give dh some credit - he participates in everything (going to apts, doing the reading, going shopping, etc) but I'm the one planning it.
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Re: How much initiative does your dh take...
im the researcher, picker outter, buyer, you name it.
he's the payer
(and in his defense, he goes to the appointments and is the putter-together of cribs and whatnot)
My guy is EXACTLY the same as yours. He goes to appointments, prenatal classes and is supportive of my decisions- but I initiate everything.
It was the same with buying a house, planning the wedding etc. He helps when i say "i need your opinion/help on this". If he feels strongly about something he will put his foot down- but it is few and far between. This use to really frustrate me, (especially when he thinks buy a new blackberry is a priority when we haven't even bought so much as a car seat for the baby). But then I heard one of my male coworkers talking about planning his wedding and picking out their furniture etc. and I realized having a guy who takes initiative/ and over thinks decisions would be a huge pain... this guy actually had a strong opinion on what kind of dress his fiance should wear. Now i know why they tell guys just to show up...
Besides our guys are at least participating- some guys don't even do that much.
Yeah, I got in a little argument with DH after I spent most of a Saturday researching cribs and dressers and other baby furniture. I told him "I think we should get this and this" and he was basically like, "I don't, I think we should get that and that instead". It's okay that he has an opinion, but not when he's just pulling it out of thin air and not educating himself on anything. He doesn't get to second guess me when I'm the only one doing the research.
We have three or four baby books - he hasn't opened one of them. He goofs around on the internet while I'm bumping - usually looking at car stuff. I would say he takes little to no initiative on the preparation, but I also don't think it's in his nature to plan for this the way I want to plan for it. I say at least SOMEONE is doing the planning and leave it at that.
I do the research and look for the bargains, he has gone to one appointment out of the tons I have had but he has been very busy and can not get off, he reads the how far is baby now notes. He went with me for strollers and tried them all out and did his cat walk pushing them and had me take pics of which one made him look more 'manly' (yes I was serious faced but inside I was ROFL!) For him, he is far more into it than most of the guys we know, again he comes from a different culture and he is constantly told 'it is not his place' and 'its a woman's problem' but thank goodness he is more as his friends call him (with eye rolls) Americanized than them. He does draw the line at coming in with me for the birth though and there is no budging him from this.
DD2: Lucia (Lucy) 07/13
This. DH may not be in the country, but he did the registry already and ordered himself a ton of baby books. He's so cute.
Honestly though, I didnt expect him to put such a strong foot forward, but I'm not complaining!
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
My DH and I are about 50/50 with things. I spend more time researching pregnancy than he does, but as far as baby stuff, we're even. He's done all the research on the stroller and car seat, etc. He's come up with name suggestions and nursery themes, as well, and he's only missed one appt, which was due to an unavoidable work conflict.
I think he might be more attentive than some Hs because of his background and his profession. His mom ran a daycare when he was a kid, and he now has a psych degree with an interest in child development. He's a social worker who works a lot with families and kids. I've never changed a diaper, and he is an expert. I go to him with questions all the time.
Mine is the same. I was going to say he has as much innitiative researching baby stuff than he does to wash the dishes; which is to say none unless I tell him to do it.
It's something I've gotten used to. The thing is, if I give him a list, he's happy to do whatever's on it. Now I have a whiteboard in the office with things he needs to do on it and he says he likes it because then he knows what my expectations are.
Maybe something to try?
Eleanor Noelle - 18/05/12 Claire Elisabeth - 16/-5/10
I'm doing 97% of the planning, the rest is mutual, lol! DH just seems very laid back compared to me. I keep reminding him that we're under 14wks away from the due date & that's not jump starting him at all! He's gotta paint the nursery (the paint we have isn't the kind I can use) & move the furniture in (he won't let me lift or help lift anything, not even the glider ottoman!) & he hasn't even looked at names yet. The only thing I haven't really gona for yet is daycare stuff because he keeps saying he wants to talk to his sister (but hasn't!!!)
But, like you said, DH has been great with really wanting to be a part of everything: dr. appts, shopping, registries, etc.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
My DH does this too! It's such a PITA! But at least it shows me that he cares about the decisions that are being made.
I have taken the approach that I come up with the options, and he can help me narrow down the options. This seems to be working ok. There are some things I feel strongly about - like my Bob Revolution stroller!
I'm a little confused as to why your DH would have much input at all into which midwife to go to. You're the patient, and it's really up to you to decide which one you're comfortable with.
I think it's pefectly normal for a man to not go out and buy baby books and read them, etc, For most men, it doesn't become "real" until baby is born.
Most men plan in other ways.... financially, for example. My hubby has made our budget for buying baby stuff.. and is literally making woodworking plans for some baby furniture.
All in all, don't expect your hubby to react and plan for this pregnancy the same way you do... you are two totally different people with different styles and emotions,
I agree that for most men it probably doesn't become real until the baby's born, whereas for women, it's the instant that pee stick turn up a pink plus. I keep thinking, "maybe when I start showing more," or "maybe when he can feel it kick or play it music," then maybe he'll be more interested? We shall see.
My DH bought some books, but hasn't done more than skim them. I get sort of annoyed by him off and on and his lack of baby initiative. I know he's excited about the baby, but gah. He is pretty good about listening to me when I want to talk about it, or giving me a massage or holding my hair back while I puke in a parking garage, and the like. And he did help me clean out the nursery (or what is now an empty room). He also did show some interest when we were looking at strollers, but likely only because a particular one had an mp3 player built in. Oh, men...