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Was I too insensitive?? (it ended up being long..)

MarMatMarMat
in 3rd Trimester

Little background...

https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/27106731.aspx

so I spoke to him and let him know how stressed I was regarding the money, specially since I'm getting anxious on not knowing having a clear picture (mind I'm on the controller side) of how much money or support he needed from me...

last month it worked out, he sat down in the first days and reviewed his debts and somehow managed to get enough and not borrow from our savings... which led to have his account in zero.

so he asked for 40 usd to go through his week... which I gave to him with the condition of knowing how much he owed so that we could figure out a plan together..

we are almost half way through the month and I haven't seen a thing nor discussed how are we going to handle his debts. I know he's worried because he hasn't got much income and has been selling some stuff through ebay..

well last night I arrived and he was so excited because he installed and old age of empires in the pc... and I lost it... I couldn't resist it and asked if he already knew how much we are supossed to pay this month.. he said no.. he hasn't been making a lot of money.. and then I started crying and told him how I felt his priorities were messed up... we agreed on having a clear picture of how much he owed.. and how anxious I am, and told him how unffair that was... he said he hasn't got time to do it... to which I reply.. well then you are telling me you don't mind how stressed I'm getting... thanks for caring for your wife...

and started crying... he was mad as well..  I went to my room and he was in the tv room... so we didn't spoke to each other..

now I'm feeling so bad for not speaking earlier in the month... and being a little more supportive.. I  know he's stressed on not getting money...

please help me clear up mi mind.. and thanks for letting me vent..

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Re: Was I too insensitive?? (it ended up being long..)

  • inlovewowinlovewow
    First off, you're not being too insensitive.  Your DH quit his job without a backup plan settled to maintain finances.  Now that your LO is on the way, he should have thought things through before quitting his job, just b/c he was tired of doing it.  Second, you're pregnant and both of your lives are about to change forever.  As your savings account is diminishing, he should be finding a way to put that $$ back in there.  Buying things that aren't needed, like a Blue Ray is unacceptable.  He didn't need that.  He's not working and has a baby on the way.  I'd be livid about that.  You have every right to be angry.  YES, you guys need to sit down and discuss this, not fight, but talk how you're going to build your savings back up.  It's so great of you to support DH's decision and stand by him, that's what any good wife would do, but he needs to step up to the plate and figure out how to get that savings back and start bringing money into the household.  GL!
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  • scubaspotscubaspot member

    I don't think that you are being insensitive. He left his teaching job 6 months ago and at  this point he should have some sort of stable income. He may not like the job that gives him this stable income but as adults we sometimes have to do things that we don't really want to do and with a baby on the way, making a living to provide for that child should be at the top of his list of priorities.

    I don't really have any good advice to give you. You cannot make someone do something that they don't want to do and you cannot change their priorities. Unless you plan on babysitting him and checking everyday to see if he has actively pursued any jobs or clients then I don't know what else you can really do.

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  • Kelly-reneeKelly-renee

    I'm not sure how upset he was with teaching, or exactly what his hours are at his new job, but couldn't he substitute teach a few days of the month?  That way he'd have extra spending money, and since he knows how to teach he'd be a good sub. 

    I don't think it was bad of you to think if he has the time to install computer games that he should also have the time to figure out a budget.

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  • MarMatMarMat

    thanks for your thoughts ladies...

    it's true.. I support him.. and wished his projects were successful.. and it stresses me out not knowing how much money I can use..

    I do not want to babysit..

    and well, in my opinion he's a good teacher... and his old students (even the principal at school) have requested him to come back... I guess he wants to focus more on his carreer (IT Engineer) than continue giving classes...

    oh well.. we still need to figure out how to handle our finances..

     

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