A question for moms of un-circ'ed boys (long)

preg_amy · January 2010

I hate to ask this after seeing the recent post. I don't want to get hated on for our choice.

So this might be a stupid question and I feel kind of embarrassed putting all this out there about DS's junk and possibly asking you about your sons'.

So we decided not to circ.

However, we noticed that DS's foreskin was really tight. It could not be pulled back even a little bit. You can see a hole, but you can't see anything underneath the foreskin.

He had to get a cath put in one time in the ER (he had a fever and he was a little baby), and they had a lot of issues with that. I asked his pedi and he said that the only time it would be a problem is when he needed a cath (which would probably be never again in the first few years). And he said we shouldn't worry about it for a few more years.

One time, we had to see the on-call pedi, and she seemed really concerned. She even went as far as to refer us to a urologist and told us that we might have to get him circ'ed now. I did a lot of research after that, and everything said that it shouldn't be anything to worry about until they are a few years old (at least).

I asked pedi again and he said "yeah, it is pretty tight, but we'll give him a year or so to see if it loosens up."

So even though I realize that you are not supposed to pull it back... can most boy's foreskins be pulled back at least a little bit? Are you supposed to be able to see underneath it?

Ugh, I'm so embarrassed to ask this. I figured this board would be a good place to go for this advice.

ncbelle · January 2010

Kiddo's was very tight at first. It can be pulled back a bit now. I think they loosen on their own; maybe it just takes some longer than others?

It sounds like maybe the on-call pedi just wasn't familiar with un-circ'd penises. I wouldn't worry too much unless it continues to be a problem down the road.

flutiefrostie · January 2010

They're supposed to be attached in infants. You shouldn't be able to pull them back at all (and shouldn't try!). Most intact penises are retractable by age 3, but some aren't until puberty. I wouldn't consider it a problem unless it interferes with urination or (in the future, obviously) his sex life.

preg_amy · January 2010

Thank you ladies. I can read it on things I find by googling, but it doesn't mean as much unless I hear it from other moms. The thing with the on-call pedi did happen a few months ago, so we've kind of put it on the back burner. And I know that in theory it shouldn't be able to be retracted (and we don't usually try and we NEVER force it), but I just want to make sure that was correct.

I really think that the pedi that gave us the referral just did not know much about it. She cited "phimosis" on the referral form and I know that the term shouldn't be used with children.

hamilton.ja · January 2010

Glad you got your answer! I had the same question at first and DH, who is uncircumcised as well, didn't know as he can only remember being able to pull his back. So we asked his sister, who is a doctor, and she confirmed that it should not be able to be pulled back until he is older. We've had absolutely no issues with anything penis related at all.

Sally J · January 2010

If you go to MDC forums there is a wealth of information over there about intact boys and how to care for an intact penis. One thing that's mentioned over and over on those boards is that not all doctors and pedis are familiar with the appropriate care of an intact penis. As a parent make sure you know what is normal/not normal in case a doctor tries, at worse case, to retract the foreskin.

My DS's penis sounds like what you describe, but to be honest I don't really pay it any attention. I figure it's normal until there's an issue (redness, infection, high fever, pain, blood, etc).

starlingrose · January 2010

I am so upset reading this! I had done alot of research on circ's while pregnant and alot of what I read pointed out medical reasons why its good ect. I even talked to my pedi about it. Once Aiden was born we took him in around 3 weeks to have it looked at and the dr said it was very tight, couldnt be pulled back at all and would be a problem later on. He said because of this it would most likely need to be done later perhaps in his teens. I trusted this doctor at the time and so we went through with the circ. I am so upset hearing that its normal and we didnt need to do it! It was one of the hardest things Ive had to do with my son and I just cant believe the doctor wouldnt tell me it would be okay and was normal!?? I feel horrible now like I didnt do enough but I honestly did my research. There is so much on the internet that maybe I just got biased sites or something??

We have since switched doctors because he has shown me any many occasions that its just not a good fit we really dont like him. *sigh* ... this makes me sad.

erinkate23 · January 2010

jackieobride:
I am so upset reading this! I had done alot of research on circ's while pregnant and alot of what I read pointed out medical reasons why its good ect. I even talked to my pedi about it. Once Aiden was born we took him in around 3 weeks to have it looked at and the dr said it was very tight, couldnt be pulled back at all and would be a problem later on. He said because of this it would most likely need to be done later perhaps in his teens. I trusted this doctor at the time and so we went through with the circ. I am so upset hearing that its normal and we didnt need to do it! It was one of the hardest things Ive had to do with my son and I just cant believe the doctor wouldnt tell me it would be okay and was normal!?? I feel horrible now like I didnt do enough but I honestly did my research. There is so much on the internet that maybe I just got biased sites or something??

We have since switched doctors because he has shown me any many occasions that its just not a good fit we really dont like him. *sigh* ... this makes me sad.

I just wanted to say, I'm so sorry. It's not your fault, it's the doctor's for being uninformed. You did what you believed to be best for your son, and you did nothing wrong. THIS is why people need to be able to talk about circ and non-circ - education is important!

You're not the only one, by ANY means, who had their baby boy circ'd because of misinformation by a well-meaning but undereducated doctor. ((hugs))

Breezy.Lives · January 2010

I'm so sorry to the pp who received misinformation. We had lonnnng discussions about whether to circ, and decided against it (though DS is "technically" Jewish - which was my main reason for being on the fence).

Anyway, I'd never dealt with an uncircumcised infant, so when I went to give DS his bath at home and the foreskin didn't retract easily (DH is intact, so I know what it's eventually supposed to be like....), I was so confused! Seriously, the foreskin on an adult man is sooooo easily retracted.

Anyway, I immediately called MIL who told me not to touch it, it would be years before it retracted.

The best guideline I've heard is that the first and possibly only person to retract the foreskin should be the owner of the penis.

That said, our pedi and staff is comfortable with uncirc'ed and hasn't commented, but they make me VERY nervous with how much force they seem to use in checking him sometimes.

You hear with some frequency horror stories about teens/men that have to be circumcised because of issues with the foreskin - well, if you force the foreskin to retract, you can cause small tears leading to scar tissue...leading to issues that can require circumcision.

So, yeah...don't retract it, and make sure the pedi doesn't, either!

Chuppathingy · January 2010

I would give this article to your pedi.

https://mothering.com/health/protect-your-uncircumcised-son-expert-medical-advice-parents

makclair · January 2010

it is normal for the foreskin to not retract until 7 years old in some boys- so your regular doctor was right!

E_sharp · January 2010

It protects their urinary tract from getting stuff (like poop) up in there, as PPs have said, its not supposed to retract. Our NP mentioned once that the fact that he reefs on his unit is something that helps loosen it in the long run. Just a fun penis fact

LucyPevensie · January 2010

This is so disheartening to read. Yes, it's TIGHT AS A DRUM at first - it's supposed to be - and is NEVER supposed to be pulled back. It's starts to pull back on its own around 3 years old or later.

The pedi who referred you to the urologist is getting a huge disgusted head shake from me right now.

LucyPevensie · January 2010

jackieobride:
I am so upset reading this! I had done alot of research on circ's while pregnant and alot of what I read pointed out medical reasons why its good ect. I even talked to my pedi about it. Once Aiden was born we took him in around 3 weeks to have it looked at and the dr said it was very tight, couldnt be pulled back at all and would be a problem later on. He said because of this it would most likely need to be done later perhaps in his teens. I trusted this doctor at the time and so we went through with the circ. I am so upset hearing that its normal and we didnt need to do it! It was one of the hardest things Ive had to do with my son and I just cant believe the doctor wouldnt tell me it would be okay and was normal!?? I feel horrible now like I didnt do enough but I honestly did my research. There is so much on the internet that maybe I just got biased sites or something??

We have since switched doctors because he has shown me any many occasions that its just not a good fit we really dont like him. *sigh* ... this makes me sad.

This makes me want to cry - I am so sorry that idiot pedi steered you wrong. Certainly your decisions were all with your son's well being and best interests at heart. Do not feel horrible!

preg_amy · January 2010

I'm late replying again. But thank you all so much for your replies. It is such a relief to hear from other mommies that my instincts are right and that there is nothing wrong with him.

And jackieobride, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Don't blame yourself. When a doctor tells you that you need to do something, it is really hard to not just do it. We put a lot of trust in medical professionals and a lot of times we take their word (I have done this a lot) because we really should trust them. Most of the time, we can, but it sucks when we can't. Again, I'm so sorry. Don't be too hard on yourself over it, though. You did nothing wrong.

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