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ZoeMay06
member
Just picked a huge fight with DH
ZoeMay06
member
I feel so bad right now. Our agreement is that whoever makes dinner doesn't have to clean up, which seems perfectly reasonable to me. DH always seems to conveniently "forget" about it though, and it drives me nuts. He hasn't done the dinner dishes for the past 3 nights and tonight I sorta snapped. I could tell that he was heading to bed without doing it and I totally yelled and cursed at him. Then when he got up to do it he started banging the dishes around and making a ton of noise, so I yelled at him again for being so loud that he was going to wake up Kyva. Surprise surprise, he did wake her up, and then I yelled at him some more about that.
Ugh, I feel awful but come on dude! Just because I'm home with her during the day doesn't mean he doesn't have to lift a finger! He had the nerve to blame me for him being too tired to do it, saying that he doesn't like eating dinner so late. OMG! Then maybe he could feed Kyva or do something else that's useful when he gets home so that I can get dinner going earlier! Or perhaps NOT watch TV for an hour after finishing dinner?!
I hope we can recover quickly from this one. I feel bad about the way I treated him but the whole thing really made my blood boil 
Just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
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Re: Just picked a huge fight with DH
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Yeah, I've tried that. He always whines "I don't know what to make" or makes something weird that in no way resembles an actual meal. I enjoy cooking and he actually says he enjoys washing dishes, so this arrangement should be working. In theory. Hypothetically speaking.
hypothetically speaking, men should know when to shut their mouths and do what their wives/mothers of their children ask. hypothetically.
Yea we have fights like that...Abou t different things but here is what works for me....
I start off saying sorry (even if you dont really mean it). Then I make sure I am touching him in some way like hand on his leg (really dissolves the tension). And I tell him I need him to help me come up with a solution to the problem...that I just cant fgure it out (even though it is sooo obvious). And let him solve it.
Men love to fix things and at least mine always does better when its HIS idea...
Hugs though you are sooo not alone
br
While this might be what you want to say, I think if you say that you won't end up married for very long!
Sucks, DH and I have also had the same kind of fight. I've been there and it's so hard. Right now I'm currently kind of dealing with the same thing- but mine is more of a general "this place is a mess and no one seems to notice or care except me". Sometimes they can be so frustrating!
Libby gave you good advice, play nice, you catch more flies with honey, blah blah blah... but always feel free to vent to me!! I hear ya!!
OMG! The same thing...the same exact thing...has happened at our house so many times I can't even count. We make an agreement, DH slacks, I finally snap, DH turns into a teenager and starts banging things around, etc etc.
I would love to say that we worked out a system and things are going swimmingly...oh wait, we do have a system - I do all the prep, cooking, AND cleanup. I hate to say it, but I've just resolved myself to the fact that it's just easier for me to do everything than to fight with DH to get him to do it. Sigh.
Something I've tried that has had moderate success is giving DH 2 options on how he'd like to help - "would you like to chop onions and boil the water or would you like to feed the baby?" I've learned that if I wait for DH to volunteer to help, it usually doesn't happen. And I've learned that asking "can you help me?" doesn't get a great reaction. But for whatever reason, the 2 option thing works a little better. I actually learned it from my toddler books. Which cracks me up.
Hugs!
I think we've all had this fight at some point (or one that is similar). My advice is to pick a weekend day when you make him watch the kid ALONE, without help. That way he understands what it takes and what you really have time for. Walking a mile in someone else's shoes really does help.
This also works for people who tell you what you are doing "wrong". My mom would tell me to do this and that and it would drive me crazy. Finally I had her watch the kids for a day and she never bothered me with advice ever again.
Sorry to hear about that Zoe. It can be frustrating b/c its like we have to TELL them exactly what to do. DH and I got into fight about chores a couple of weeks ago and I told him- I am not going to ask you to help me. You pay rent you should know what chores I do. We came to the conclusion we will split the chores.
I am sorry this happened. I am sure once things settle down, both of you will be able to work it out.
As a suggestion for making dinner-we have a small white board on our fridge. We plan the meals for the week and I ask DH for his help. Would that maybe work?
((hugs))
change 3 years into 6 months and you have us .... i gave up over fighting who's cooking/cleaning up. if dh decides to help out of blue i am eternally grateful for that - end of story. i get home from work - 11 hrs after i left the house, spend some time w/ dd, get dinner going, clean as i go along and then put away the leftovers.
it's all about picking your battles. to me, this was a battle NOT worth fighting about.
Hugs! I hope you guys made up.
Dh and I have fights like this all the time. Sometimes it is enough for him to do something about it (until he "forgets" again) and sometimes I just stop fighting the battle and do it myself.
Thanks everyone. I feel like I've tried everything (chore chart, asking him for solutions, positive reinforcement i.e. gushing profusely whenever he does the tiniest thing, etc) and it might work for a day or two and then we're right back to square one.
This morning he had the nerve to say that it's clear that I don't support him at all for the contribution he makes by going to work all week, even on a day like today when he has something big going on at work. Umm hello, overdramatic much? ! I almost flipped my lid again but kept calm and I think I managed to defuse the situation. In the end, I think you guys are right...it's probably not worth fighting over and I'll probably just do it all and be cranky about it. Either that or stop making dinner for him. His choice!
Ugh A says the same stuff!! I'm so tired of "this" fight too. When I start to head down the "who does more in this house" fight I have to bite my tounge. One time I even said, STOP ok, lets not do this again, lets not have this fight. He agreed. What has helped Andrew is me validating him at work. I thank him for all he brings to the family. I thank him for being able to provide for us.
I'm so sorry, Zoe. I think sometimes guys just don't get that taking care of a baby really does keep you busy all day. I know you feel bad about the yelling, but I think your frustration is totally understandable. IMHO it's worse when he *says* he's going to do something and doesn't. With me, if I *plan* on doing the dishes I may grumble a little, but if he says he'll do it and I end up washing them, I'm *really* pissed off.
Anyway, I hope you guys have a good evening tonight! (and I like the idea of him taking care of K for a whole day, too)