telling the boss about IF?

J-Pancakes · January 2010

I'm debating whether I should tell my male boss or not. I'm going to have to miss several hours of work for ultrasounds pretty consecutively. I'm not sure how much detail I should go into. Just tell him I have dr's appts? Or let him know they are for IF reasons. WWYD, or what DID you do?

sweetky_06 · January 2010

I haven't told my boss anything, even when I was out for a few days for my lap. I just said that I have a non-life threatening medical issue that I am treating and I will have regular appointments. So far, no issues.

LCB34 · January 2010

I told my boss that we were having issues trying to start our family and that I would need some time off.

I work in a very competitive environment and needed to make sure my boss knew I was not slacking for anything other than medical reasons.

MrsMAF · January 2010

I'm in the same boat as you...I have a male boss so I am not sure what i will do when the time comes. I think I just want to say I have a medical issue that will require some time off, but sometimes I feel like not disclosing what it is might leave way too much to his imagination..he will obviously wonder, and i know he will say 'is everything ok?" then I feel like I am being evasive not telling him the deal...so who knows..

Do you have a good relationship with your boss? Do you think you'd feel comfortable telling him or would it be super awkward?

k-mart · January 2010

I need to talk to my boss too. Most likley I will tell her everything, but for now it has just been "medical issues" in general.

jastl32 · January 2010

I just told my boss I was going to be on a medication that required regular monitoring that I'd need to miss work for...and that I'd do all I could to get them first thing in the morning or last appt of the day (I'm 45 mins away from the hospital so lunch wouldn't work). I didn't come right out and tell him, but I think he knew. I recently told another boss of mine and he said he figured since I had a lot of appointments and he's seen it a lot with other women he's worked with. Your boss will probably figure it out...but that's okay. It's up to you if you want to tell or not. I'm really private and chose not to.

shanaeden · January 2010

LCB34:

I told my boss that we were having issues trying to start our family and that I would need some time off.

I work in a very competitive environment and needed to make sure my boss knew I was not slacking for anything other than medical reasons.

This. Exactly. He was super understanding and told me about his best friend who had IF problems and now they have triplets!

hopingforbaby#1in2010 · January 2010

I think its pretty tough when you have a male boss, but I agree with some of the others, I would tell him that you are meeting with doctors in an effort to begin a family. He probably doesnt need to know details for every appointment but he may need to know that these appointments are time sensitive (ie No you cannot push it back till next week etc etc).

J-Pancakes · January 2010

MrsMAF:

sometimes I feel like not disclosing what it is might leave way too much to his imagination..he will obviously wonder, and i know he will say 'is everything ok?" then I feel like I am being evasive not telling him the deal...so who knows..

Do you have a good relationship with your boss? Do you think you'd feel comfortable telling him or would it be super awkward?

We have a good relationship, but I don't know how comfortable I am talking to him about it. I haven't really told anyone except a couple of close girlfriends.

j11skate · January 2010

I am a teacher and have 2 male principals. I told them when I started with the RE since I'd be late to work some and have to leave early other days. I basically said that I have some fertility issues and I was going to begin seeing a doctor who needs me to come in for a lot of monitoring. They were both understanding. I haven't mentioned it since except to say the occasional, I will be late on ____ due to a doctors appointment and have my classroom covered.

J-Pancakes · January 2010

Thanks for the advice ladies. I think I will most likely tell him I'm going on medications that require monitoring, thanks for that suggestion. And if he figures it out, that's fine. I tend to give too much detail when I talk (according to DH), so that makes it short and sweet, right to the point!

cjdub13 · January 2010

sweetky_06:
I haven't told my boss anything, even when I was out for a few days for my lap. I just said that I have a non-life threatening medical issue that I am treating and I will have regular appointments. So far, no issues.

This!?

?I am a teacher so it is difficult to get to my monitoring appointments since the office is open my exact work hours, but haven't had any problems yet since I have had co-workers willing to cover.

deputysgirl · January 2010

LCB34:

I told my boss that we were having issues trying to start our family and that I would need some time off.

I work in a very competitive environment and needed to make sure my boss knew I was not slacking for anything other than medical reasons.

Same here. I didn't want him to think I was interviewing or anything like that. I was soo nervous, since I'm pretty much the only female in my group. I am concerned how my being pg (please please please!) will be received, but I figured I'd be better off coming clean. Besides, I'm not too subtle as it is, so after I told him... it was a huge relief. Plus he was surprisingly cool about it. Said I didn't need to use PTO for appt's and that he's heard the whole process can be really intense.

Even today he did a check in with me just to see how I was doing. Not too bad of a boss.

sw_in_kc · January 2010

kdodge423:

It's your call. I told mine exactly what mine were for (she knew we had been trying for a while and were looking into treatments before I even had an appointment).

This for me too. I'm pretty open with my boss and she understands. I tell her what each appointment is for and tell her how each one went.

AimeeL85 · January 2010

I'm in the same situation and debating every day over what to do. I have a male boss and there are only 6 people in our office (one is my boss's father, two are his brothers, AND he and all his brothers just had babies this year) so basically if he knows, everyone knows. Then if it worked, I would be either quitting or going on on leave right before our busiest time next year. I will only have 3 vacation days left at that point (and I've spared them as well as possible). I can't even think of anything good to make up. There are some great suggestions here though. I'm not so much worried about the monitoring appointments as the short notice of the ER/ET. I wish all the late hours I've been working could count toward this when March comes!

evgartner · January 2010

First of all know that you don't have to tell them anymore than what you want to disclose legally. That is what HIPAA is about. https://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/ They are not allowed to ask you questions about it, it is your right to privacy. That being said, you can avoid awkward conversations by keeping it general. So you can disclose as much or as little as you would like. GL with it all!

kekis · January 2010

My boss knew about my 2nd m/c because it was the first day back for teachers & I had to call and explain why I wasn't going to be there. The upside of having a male boss is that any time I try to throw in some kind of detail, he begs me to not explain & take all the time I need.

Thankfully he's been very supportive.

njohnson1972 · January 2010

j11skate:
I am a teacher and have 2 male principals. I told them when I started with the RE since I'd be late to work some and have to leave early other days. I basically said that I have some fertility issues and I was going to begin seeing a doctor who needs me to come in for a lot of monitoring. They were both understanding. I haven't mentioned it since except to say the occasional, I will be late on ____ due to a doctors appointment and have my classroom covered.

Pretty much this. I just said I was having fertility issues and would be having a lot of doctor appointments in January.

He said ok. Unlike most women, I don't think he want any more elaboration or details.

Oh, and I have only been on my job for 3 months now!

roselln2 · January 2010

I have a male boss too. He's very supportive of me generally speaking, but he tends to be very opinionated about a lot of things. My good friend Liz is of a religious faith that believes that you shouldn't do IVF (she doesn't feel that way at all and has been very supportive of my husband and my efforts, but she was warning me that others may not be that way). My boss is of the same faith, so I decided for that reason and because infertility and the decision to do IVF is very personal and isn't helped by other peoples' judgements to wait until I'm pregnant to tell him. Perhaps if I were to tell him, he would be like Liz and be very supportive, but since this is about my career, he didn't need to know all the gory details.

Until then, I told him that I would have to attend to some personal and non-emergency medical issues this month. He told me that he hoped I was fine and didn't pester me with any more questions.

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