i'm a bad bitter infertile.

GenRN45 · January 2010

I have a friend who is having secondary infertility. She has a perfect 2 year old daughter already, and has done clomid and TI for almost a year without any success.

I love her. She's awesome and she was a huge support when I got my BFN.

But I'm so jealous of her... she's so upset about not getting pg again yet, but all i see is the daughter she already has, and I feel like I have it so much worse.

I'm a bad person.

DinaLINY · January 2010

you're not a bad person at all - nor are you the only one to have those feelings

SunMoon&Stars · January 2010

No worries - there's nothing wrong with having these feelings. It's how you act on them that matters, and I'm sure you wouldn't take it out on your friend.

jhleap · January 2010

You are not a bad person. And I don't think that there are many of us who are IF feel any different. While we know it is hard to be secondary IF as well, but we would gladly (in most cases) have one healthy baby.

I went to a support group meeting through my REs office the other day, and there was a woman there who has 2 kids and she was crying about not having the family of her dreams. I wanted to throat punch her. I am 39. I have been trying for over 2 years. And I do not have any children. FU and your "family of your dreams"

I feel better, you?

GenRN45 · January 2010

SunMoon&Stars:
No worries - there's nothing wrong with having these feelings. It's how you act on them that matters, and I'm sure you wouldn't take it out on your friend.

That's why I'm complaining about it here, and not on facebook responding to her status update.

OrangeSmoke · January 2010

No, you are not a bad person. Because if you are, that means I am too.

You do have it so much worse. The fear and anger of *never* being a mother is a whole new layer added on top of the regular IF fear/anger.

GenRN45 · January 2010

jhleap:
You are not a bad person. And I don't think that there are many of us who are IF feel any different. While we know it is hard to be secondary IF as well, but we would gladly (in most cases) have one healthy baby.

I went to a support group meeting through my REs office the other day, and there was a woman there who has 2 kids and she was crying about not having the family of her dreams. I wanted to throat punch her. I am 39. I have been trying for over 2 years. And I do not have any children. FU and your "family of your dreams"

I feel better, you?

I don't know how you held it in. I would have lost it, i think.

shoebox4 · January 2010

GenRN45:
SunMoon&Stars:
No worries - there's nothing wrong with having these feelings. It's how you act on them that matters, and I'm sure you wouldn't take it out on your friend.
That's why I'm complaining about it here, and not on facebook responding to her status update.

I get like that sometimes too!! I hate it when pg women complain on their facebook about how miserable it is being pg... i would kill for that!!!

Tarahville · January 2010

You're not a bad person. I think that a lot of us who are dealing with IF think the same as you do.

We'd all be happy to have one child to spoil rotten. One day we will!

greekwife05 · January 2010

Your not a bad person... your not the only one that feels that way.

ams8099 · January 2010

No, you're not a bad friend. I think the way you are feeling is normal. {{Hugs}}

kthappy76 · January 2010

You are not a bad person. You do have it "worse". It is okay to be jealous. I would certainly be sympathetic to her plight, but she already has what most of us would kill for. Hopefully she will learn this...

SunMoon&Stars · January 2010

shoebox4:
GenRN45:
SunMoon&Stars:

No worries - there's nothing wrong with having these feelings. It's how you act on them that matters, and I'm sure you wouldn't take it out on your friend.

That's why I'm complaining about it here, and not on facebook responding to her status update.

I get like that sometimes too!! I hate it when pg women complain on their facebook about how miserable it is being pg... i would kill for that!!!

So do I, and that's when I hide the status.

I have a coworker who's in the same situation as GenRN's friend, but she's never complains, and she's had it pretty rough. She's the type who is grateful for what she has.

ETA: Not eaxctly the same situation - she had secondary IF but she's pregnant again...but again, she never complains.

wiscgirl95 · January 2010

I don't think there is anything wrong with having those feelings. I get those pangs of jealousy too and I don't like it. But, i think it's only natural just as it's only natural for her to be upset at not having her family complete the way she wants.

BenandDina · January 2010

a) You're not a bad person.

b) It's completely understandable that you would feel this way, and I bet that she would understand it, too.

c) Big hug.

nikinikinine · January 2010

you are SO not a bad person. It's hard to see what we want but cannot have EVERYday. And it's hard to feel bad for someone who has seen success even when they are facing failure. We get it. And you aren't even close to a bad person.

mrshoppy_1231 · January 2010

You are NOT a bad person. Those feelings are totally normal and you aren't the only one that feels that way. I feel jealous of friends/family all the time, it's just how we act on those feelings that's important. I'm sure you are still a supportive good friend even if you feel jealous inside. ((hugs))

patchen30 · January 2010

TOTALLY understandable. You're human, that's all. Not a bad person.

Rigsbee · January 2010

Your feelings are completely valid, you are not a bad person at all!

I was recently feeling the same way about a friend who had trouble conceiving one and two and is now working on number three...it's nice of her to think she can relate, but its just not the same.

Hugs.

brians04bride · January 2010

I dont think you should feel bad at all for having those feelings. I have a 6 year old and havent been able to have another since, I think she was a miracle. I can relate to both sides and I think your friend would understand your feelings especially since we dont totally pick our feelings. You can be happy, jealous and a friend all at the same time and your still a great person. I hope you get your miracle soon...and then another!

Frankie · January 2010

Coming from someone with a DD (conceived via IUI) and now again secondary IF, you are definitely NOT a bad person. (((HUGS)))

sweetky_06 · January 2010

You are not a bad person. Do not beat yourself up over the way you feel.

((hugs))

MoFree · January 2010

You're not a bad person in any way. I think it's normal to be jealous of someone who has a child, even though that's the size family she wants.

We're all been Bitter Betties at one time or another, so please be easy on yourself.

Me&Mr.T · January 2010

You are not a bad person. I know the feeling exactly! HUGS!

2becomes3 · January 2010

You aren't a bad person at all, I felt the same exact way about my neighbor. You're thoughts are completely justified, and your pain is worse...but I might be biased.

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