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Vent: Sometimes I feel like a single mom.

ManalyzerManalyzer
in Babies on the Brain

Let me preface this by saying, I love my husband, and he's a wonderful dad. However, there are times when I feel like a single mom.

Take tonight for example. He came home and got directly on his computer. I fixed dinner, nursed Addy, fed her her solids, got me something to eat, fought with her to sleep, put her down, she woke up and I got her back up to try and get her back to sleep. She JUST went to sleep. It's midnight now. He's been in bed for an hour. I think he helped her/took her from me all of MAYBE 30 minutes. Each time he took her, I was able to get online for like 5 minutes at a time to check email, do a few things to the blog and check facebook. Definitely not important things, but things that I wanted to do that I didn't have time to do during the day.

I love my daughter, more than anything in the world. But sometimes I do want to do a few things for me. I don't go out anymore, and honestly don't want to. I figure my "me time" is the time I'm able to spend online in the evenings.

I tried talking to him, but he gets upset that I'm insuniating he's a bad father and doesn't take care of his daughter. I'm not saying he's a bad father. He's great, imo. He takes wonderful care of us and he loves his daughter so much. It's evident. I know he works and likes to come home and relax, I remember those days. However, those days are in the past. We have a child to raise now. Is it too much to ask to get more than half an hour worth of help?

/vent.

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Re: Vent: Sometimes I feel like a single mom.

  • Melaneigh1Melaneigh1 member
    I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for, or even demanding, a half hour (or whole hour) to yourself. 
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  • firsttogofirsttogo

    imageMelaneigh:
    I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for, or even demanding, a half hour (or whole hour) to yourself. 

    Yup, you deserve a break just as much as he does. 

    One thing we did to help me was that DH gives baths at night. It is his time with the boys. He is in charge of it all... He does not holler for me to go grab this or that. I get 45 minutes of nothing!!!

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  • DNK777DNK777 member

    There is almost the exact same vent on 6-12 from another poster.

     Is there something specific you can ask him to do?  Instead of saying I want you to help out more maybe talk about LO's bedtime routine and figure out certain responsibilities to delegate.  Like he could be the one to give her a bath and get her ready for bed.

    You could also look into crockpot meals or other quick meals to save time as well.  On the weekends I will cook and freeze a bunch of chicken breasts and save them for throughout the week to save time.

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  • ManalyzerManalyzer

    He does bathtime, but we haven't been doing bath every night because its been so cold here lately. So on the nights (like tonight) where we don't do bath, he just doesn't take her. He does let me sleep in on the weekends. He's an early bird, so he gets up before me or Addy and takes her when she wakes, so I am totally thankful for that.

    I don't know. AF is due, so I'm all hormonal and stuff. I'm probably making a bigger deal than it really is. It's just on the computer from 4:30-11:30 is a little excessive. I miss my husband.

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  • zoieglowzoieglow member

    I'm sorry :( I think you should talk to your DH and see if you can work out a certain hour of the night that you always get to yourself and, like PP said, he can do their baths. If my DH didn't have a schedule and a set of agreed upon baby duties, he'd probably just let me continue on taking care of DS all night. I don't want to wait for him to volunteer.

    I know you say you don't go out, but if your DH is just watching TV or playing on the computer, maybe once a week or so you should go out and do some errands alone and have some downtime while he hangs out.

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  • WinsyWadeWinsyWade member
    imageManalyzer:

    Take tonight for example. He came home and got directly on his computer. I fixed dinner, nursed Addy, fed her her solids, got me something to eat, fought with her to sleep, put her down, she woke up and I got her back up to try and get her back to sleep. She JUST went to sleep. It's midnight now. He's been in bed for an hour. I think he helped her/took her from me all of MAYBE 30 minutes. Each time he took her, I was able to get online for like 5 minutes at a time to check email, do a few things to the blog and check facebook. Definitely not important things, but things that I wanted to do that I didn't have time to do during the day.

    This is exactly how my night went too.(weird)  Only my H has an obsession with the XBox.  He didn't even eat dinner with me.  I love nursing N but I think that he thinks because I am the only one that can feed her, he doesn't have to participate.  Ugh.  I feel your pain.  Hugs.

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    SAHM to 4 kiddos... K (5/05), N (4/09), C (11/10) and Baby A 1/13/14












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  • tri047tri047 member
    Ugh!  I feel your pain!  DH pulls this crap every once in a while too.  I hope tomorrow is better.  Smile
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  • WinsyWadeWinsyWade member
    imageManalyzer:

    He does bathtime, but we haven't been doing bath every night because its been so cold here lately. So on the nights (like tonight) where we don't do bath, he just doesn't take her. He does let me sleep in on the weekends. He's an early bird, so he gets up before me or Addy and takes her when she wakes, so I am totally thankful for that.

    I don't know. AF is due, so I'm all hormonal and stuff. I'm probably making a bigger deal than it really is. It's just on the computer from 4:30-11:30 is a little excessive. I miss my husband.

    Wow,  Are we married to the same man?  I think we are :)

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    SAHM to 4 kiddos... K (5/05), N (4/09), C (11/10) and Baby A 1/13/14












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  • Melaneigh1Melaneigh1 member

    Aww, Mana, it sounds like you're not so much overwhelmed at taking care of Addy, but just missing your husbands companionship?  Have you discussed it?  Seven hours on the computer after work is a long time, especially when you probably only require a few of them!  I'm one to talk about being glues to the computer, though...

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  • Mama_SASMama_SAS member

    My friend just went through something similar but her husband gave her no time, not even weekend mornings or bathtime. It turned around when she left the house for only 45 minutes to do some shopping during the baby's really cranky time and when she got home he said he couldn't take it. She pointed out that she has to deal with that 24 hours a day and could use breaks. 

    My point is that sometimes you need to show guys these things because they don't get it when you talk to them. You need to get them to say it first ;)

    GL

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