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Babies on the Brain
IL Delimma - Thoughts?
Edited b/c I can't spell.
Little bit of backstory: My IL's are not very good houseguests. MIL doesn't clean up after herself and doesn't help at all. FIL is better at cleaning up after himself, but still doesn't help much. They have thrown wet towels on the closet floor in the guest bedroom (which is carpeted, and we have hooks on the back of the guest bedroom door and bathroom door). So basically they come and sit around and seem to need to be entertained at all times. And they don't plan when they are coming up until last minute.
Delimma: DH and I decided that it would be best for his parents to wait until Jacob is about a month old before coming to visit (they live about 3.5 hrs away). We figured a month would give us a chance to have sort of adjusted and for me to have figured out bf'ing. We also want them to be able to spend sometime with him as opposed to them coming right afterwards and DH and I trying to adjust and me having to go into our bedroom anytime I needed to feed him, therefore they wouldn't be seeing him much at that point. And I am not comfortable with them being here at first with everything that will be going on with my body either.
DH finally tells FIL this tonight. DH was worried about telling them this and their feelings being hurt. So he tell his dad and then his dad says that he understands but they will probably still come up either the day of or the day after Jacob is born, just for the day. Which I completely don't understand because DH had just told them we don't want them here for a month. Most likely I would still be in the hospital but we will have just had our first baby and I can't imagine that we will want to let them hold him a bunch and again with the bf'ing and all the checking they would be coming to do they would be kicked out each time. I do want them to come see their grandson, but when I am comfortable not just when they decide they want to.
So do we say something about them trying to come up that day or do I just suck it up because it will just be for a little bit?
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Re: IL Delimma - Thoughts?
I think you should suck it up and let them come right after he is born for the day.
But if they're spending the night they need to get a hotel and then go home. I think it's only fair to let them come see their grandson when he's brand new, but they also need to respect your wishes and not be all up in your shiz while you're trying to get adjusted.
Honestly, I'd want to be there the day of too. They're not going to be interested in you, they want to meet their grandson. If they do show up, ask them to bring you some yummy yummy food.
What does your h think about them coming up for the day?
This is the same MIL who was not at all excited once she found out we are having a boy and has expressed in many ways that she would rather me have a girl. I might still be slightly bitter about that.
It's just for a day, and if you are still in the hospital, the nurses make it easier to kick them out. Though, with all the flu and what not, many hospitals have limited visitors to two at a time.
My aunt and uncle showed up unannouced right before I delivered, and we let them come in before I was even moved to my post partum room. (Was still in delivery room)
Frankly, I was so exhausted, I really didn't care. And it was exciting that people gave a damn.
DH is pretty whatever about it. He is not close to his parents at all.
I guess I think I would feel guilty if they don't get to see Jake very much and drive 7hrs that day for maybe an hour with him. FIL also threw out that they might come to our house so they can be here when we get home. Which again, I don't want to entertain them. But of course, they probably won't even make any decisions until he is actually born so we won't know what to expect. (I am super planner type A and this bugs me)
Here's how I would handle it.
They seem like they're excited to meet him, so I'd let them come to the hospital the day after the birth. If they want to drive all that way to see him for an hours, why not. However set some ground rules. No being in the room while you're BF'ing. Hand washing is mandatory x1000. If you or the baby gets tired and overwhelmed, then it's time to go. Set up a secret signal with your nurses so that they know when it's time to kick them out.
I personally preferred to have visitors at the hospital rather than right when we got home. Other than my mom being there for a few hours after we got home (she watched the dogs for us) we didn't have anyone at the house for a week. I wouldn't change a thing.
Part of me says that if you don't want them there, screw them they can wait a month, but it is their grandson. If you start problems with them now you're just going to make it worse on yourself for a long time to come. You'll always be the mean DIL who refused to let them see their baby grandson. Trust me, it's not worth it.
That is what I am afraid of.
I like the idea of telling them to come while we are in the hospital and using the nurses to kick them out. Seems like that is a good compromise of them getting to see him and me not having to deal with them around while we are adjusting. Thanks ladies!