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Single Parents
mrgn
member
s/o intros, here's mine!
mrgn
member
I occasionally lurk here, but I spend most of my time on the 0-3mos board. I thought I should introduce myself while you ladies were at it. I met BD in November of 2008 (I was 18, he was 22). We hit it off immediately, and I spent most of my time at his (and his parents) house. I got laid off from my job in January of 2009 so I took that opportunity to pursue college. In the middle of January, I moved on campus an hour and a half from his house. Things got rocky. I had no car at school, he didn't want to make the drive to see me. We fought. I found rides home on the weekend. Things became more and more awkward. The weekend before Valentine's day, I was really sick. He broke up with me, seemingly out of the blue. We had an on and off (very stupid) relationship for about a month. He then told me he had cheated on me with an ex while we were together on more than one occasion but "realized" he wanted to be with me "forever". One week later, I had a positive pregnancy test. Tried to work things out. Continued fighting. He told me he supported whatever decision I made about the baby, but when I chose to keep her, he told me I was being selfish and should put her up for adoption. (I realize that adoption is a great option for those who are not ready for a child or cannot financially support a child. My parents were more than happy to help me support Aubrey and help me to finish my degree so we could live a happy life. So, obviously I was being selfish by choosing to keep her when I knew that she would live a comfortable and happy life with her birth mother and family.... ugh!) I realized that my resentment toward him grew and grew while he selfishly ignored figuring out what we were going to do about my pregnancy (full time jobs, insurance, etc). I officially ended it with him in April '09. Finished the semester (with a 3.8 gpa, hell yeah!) in May '09. Got a full time job working nights at a group home with two ladies with disabilities. He took off to North Carolina (didn't tell me for weeks) . I emailed him updates about the baby. Got no response. Three months later, he came back. Didn't tell me (though I had a feeling he was back... women's intuition at its best). I continued working, saving, and emailing updates. Got little to no response. Kept contact with his mother. When I was 8 months along, I told her I would no longer be emailing him or making any effort, but would expect child support upon Aubrey's birth. I would not reach out or try to make him see his daughter, but would legally pursue the money piece. That night, got a phone call from him. Met up and talked the next day. He clearly had not read any of the emails I'd sent him (Aubrey had a single umbilical artery which could have meant some serious problems for her so she was closely being monitored.... I brought it up and he said he didn't know what I was talking about....I was mad because I had gone out of my way to provide info for him about it in an email... he got all emails but did not look at any of them closely...ugh!) He said he wanted to be there for the delivery. I, nicely, said hell no. He tried to be a part of the last leg of my pregnancy, which was nice. But did not take that time to educate himself about pregnancy/parenting. At 37.5 weeks, he asked me to "get coffee" before she would be born. I explained to him that she could come any day. He did the typical "yeah yeah yeah" man response. I went into labor two days later. She was born 36 hours after I went into labor on November 13, 2009. He waited in the waiting room and saw her an hour after she was born. He has two part time jobs, pays me weekly child support and sees her 1-2 times a week. He has stepped up, but I cannot help but be bitter for how he treated me during my pregnancy, and before. I think this post clearly illustrates my frustrations with him. :P
So... the short version is I'm 19, living with my parents, finishing my nursing degree, and loving being a mom! This is not the path I expected to take, but I couldn't be happier!
As for BD... he's 23, works, barely sees her, plays like he is a perfect father when he does see her, but leaves to continue his life apart from her.This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o intros, here's mine!
Welcome to the board!
Welcome. The sweetest girls are born on Nov 13th! (That's my Pumpkin's birthday.)
For sure! The sweetest, and cutest! (: It was awesome that she was born on Friday the 13th. My mom was also born on Friday the 13th, and she got to be there for the birth.
First off, I think it's awesome that youhave so much strenght and motivation to make yourself better for your little girl. She's very lucky to have you.
I too am going thru this pregnancy without the involvement of the father. My family and friends are so supportive which I'm very thankful for. I have thought about how I'd feel if he eventually feels like he's ready to be back into the picture so I thought I'd share my advice to myself with you: If he is willing to be a good father and be in his/her life, then I would just swallow the bitterness (the best I could) for my child. For me, as I grew up with a sick mom and my father wasn't a big part of my childhood, it's very important to me that both of us will be involved. With this being said, I also know from my situation, that growing up with both parents isn't necessary for a happy, healthy childhood, especially if one parent will not be a constant strength for his/her life. SOOO, to me it sounds like he's making an effort, but you will know best what to do (really,helpful, right?)....You already had the strength to move forward with a very important decision, I know you'll be good at making this one too.
Congrats on all your hard work and dedication...I hope things work out with you. One thing to keep in mind (TOTALLY not taking a side here...just devils advocate)...is that some people get spooked and realize later what an a-hole they've been...hopefully this is the case for your LO's father. If not, his true colors will show. Just take care of you and your little girl as you have been...you'll be great!