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2nd Trimester
SAH or not SAH discussion
DH keeps bringing the topic up.. he basically keeps asking what it would take for me to stay home.. realistically.. we could totally buckle down financially and make it work.. but I just don't know if it's the right move for us. I make a decent salary.. they have an excellent day care at onsite at my job.. and doing this would mean using a piece of our savings to pay of my remaining student loans.
Personally.. I don't "love" my job.. and I would love to be a SAHM. But... I just kinda thought we'd wait until we are blessed with #2. We do have a house.. and the majority of the big bills are funded from DH's income.. but obviously continuing to work would get us into our "next house" and give us that extra boost...
Opinions? Thoughts? I know everyone's situation is different and ultimately DH and I have to figure this one out.. but I would love any input/advice you ladies can share.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SAH or not SAH discussion
Me too. I'm going to try to help still by freelancing on weekends or etsying or something to still have some extra income coming in, but it just doesn't make sense for us either.
It sounds like you want to be a SAHM. Buckle down and do it! Things may not be perfect in how you would've liked everything to pan out (loans, bigger house), but it sounds like you guys are financially secure and somethings are worth it.
We decided before TTC that I would SAH (that's why we waited 6 years to have kids!) and even though we're financially stable, I realize all the things we are giving up because we feel this is what's right for our family. But just keep in mind you're giving up "things" and that's it. Your LO is worth so much more than that (and you know that).
We just moved 1/2 way across the country and I had to leave the job I loved (that was very kid friendly) to make the move. We chose for me not to look for a job in the new state becuase we can live off of one income and we both always wanted to have one SAH parent with our children. Honestly, I'm a little overwhelmed right now to not have a job and a place I have to be daily, but I'm sure it will see less daunting once the little one is here!
I will be working. Its what makes sense for us.
Could he be a SAHD if he finds it to be that important? Is that an option for him?
I'm in a similar position. We can afford for me to stay home, but I earn good money. However I really don't want to work fulltime with a child.
I am taking a year off anyway and will decide during that time (my job will be held open for me during that year). Basically if I don't really miss working I won't go back, as I think it's probably best for the child to have a parent stay at home with them if they can (although I also think daycare provides lots of stimulation/social skills etc). But if I do miss working (and need a break, lol) I will try to go back 2-3 days a week. I am pretty sure my workplace will accomodate that, as other mothers work part-time hours here.
Good luck with your decision!
I'd love to leave my job. Forever. My husband does not support this idea, and doesn't take me seriously when I mention it, or even try to have a discussion about it.
Count your blessings
This is a good thought.. just not sure if it would fly at my job. I work for a pretty big software company. Not sure if they'll be doing me any favors... although I do have the flexibility to work from home occasionally. I don't think the day care here offers part-time enrollment though.
DH will eventually be starting up his own business (on the side from his corporate job).. I told him I could run the administrative/financial aspect of it and would love to do that. But... I think that's still a little bit out on the horizon.
he has jokingly brought this up.. but.. he loves his job. actually loves is an understatement! plus his salary is higher than mine. so if it's one of us that will stay home.. it'll definitely be me. I do think he's getting a little bit of pressure from his family as well... verrrry old fashioned italian (off the boat) which is probably why it keeps coming up.
BIO
I am going to be a stay at home mom, but if my job offered on-site daycare, I'd be doing that I think since you can go see your child anytime you want. And if its something that you're okay with doing, then go for it.
I'm staying home because
1. My DH makes awesome money and we have all sorts of cushion/investments for our future
2. I make crappy money to where I'd hardly be taking home anything after daycare expenses
3. I don't trust the daycares in my area. And I really want to be home with my child for the 1st year during those early stages, I don't like the idea of only having a few hours a day with him. Thats just our personal preference.
lol. I think this is the pep talk I need for the SAH option. Did my DH bribe you to write this? I think it's going to be an open discussion for a while. Usually if I'm against something completely.. I'd make my arguments and the conversation would be over.. but I keep thinking about it.. which makes me think that I would want to make the sacrifices.
If you're not sure, why not go back for a few months and if you don't like it, then quit?It's easier to do that, then regret staying home (and not having your job to go back to).
Or, you may want to wait until the baby comes to make the final decision too...you could always tell your boss you're coming back, and then make the decision for "real" after the baby is born.
I quit my job at 12 weeks pregnant b/c I was offered a buyout and I planned to quit when the baby was born anyway. It is a little weird to SAH without even having the baby yet, but in all honesty, I've never looked back. I did not like my job in the first place, and although it had great benefits, the pay was pretty crummy. If I had a job I loved I might have more trouble giving it up, but for the past 2 1/2 months I have LOVED staying at home and I know it will get even better once the baby gets here.
My husband makes about 3 times as much money as I did, so it was never a question about who would stay home, and he always fully supported me staying at home. It was hard for me to imagine bringing LO to a daycare every day and therefore missing out on so much of her life. I know one of my good friends who is a working mom has asked that her MIL (who is the daycare provider) not tell her when her daughter does something for the first time, like crawling or talking. She just waits until her daughter does it for the first time around her, so she thinks it really is the first time. I don't know, I just would have a hard time with that. I'm not knocking working moms - SAH isn't an option for many people and a lot of moms don't want to. But f it us an option for you, I would seriously consider it.
maybe wait for baby and see? your priorities may change.
personally, i would not go back to work so that we can have a bigger house. we bought a cheap house intentionally so that i could SAH/work part time on weekends/evenings. we will save that for when i return to work.
it's such a personal decision...only a decision you and DH can make.
DH and I are the special snowflake of SAH...I work full time, he's a SAHD.
A lot went into our decision. We both felt we wanted one of us to be at home full time when our children were small (under 2). Although having DH's income would be 'nice', not having it does not impact our life in any way we are not comfortable with. We don't want a bigger house, we don't make any sacrifices financially we particularly notice. DH's career also will not be effected by him taking a few years off, so if he wants to return, he can without too much trouble. I think that's what you should make your decision on: for me, if we would have had to dip into savings for something like student loans, that would not have been something we would have been comfortable with. Knowing DH may want to return to work some day, if it would have grossly effected his career, that would have also not been something we were comfortable with.
Do you want to go back eventually? From everything I've read, the longer you're out, the harder it is to get back into it, and the less money you make (like, your salary goes down 10% for every year you're out).
This is not to say that you should go back to work, but it's something I think about, because while I would want to stay home for a year or two, I don't want to be out of the workforce forever.
I can relate to your situation. I always thought I would want to SAH but I'm finding that I really don't want that now. We moved to a very rural and isolated area and I just feel like being alone with the baby all day would throw me right over the edge. But, that being said, I plan to play it by ear and see how I feel. This is our first child and I really don't know how I will change or what I will want once he/she is really here. Once # 2 is here I will probably have to SAH for a few years since my salary will be negated- I hate that this will set me back in my career but I will take that one step at a time. If I SAH we will also not be able to save a dime, which is another deciding factor for me right now- you don't want to go into the red if you don't have to.
My advice to you is to play it by ear. Get on the waiting lists for daycare/preschool. You can always change your mind if you have to. Good luck!
Ditto! (Except I don't know what we're having yet and we don't live in NYC.)