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Maybe you guys will have some insight.. (kinda long)

AmyLovesEddie14AmyLovesEddie14
in Single Parents

A girl I know was with a guy for less than a month and had him move in with her and her two kids (ages 1 and 3). After about a month and a half, this guy finds a new girlfriend and moves out. Now, she's crying to me about how she and her kids are devastated and it's *his fault* they're hurting.

My opinion is, her children should be her first priority. She never should have brought this guy into her children's lives so soon let alone let him move in with them. I told her she should have waited until the relationship was solid and she knew he wasn't going anywhere to even think about introducing her children to him. She is now angry with me telling me I'm crazy.

Any thoughts? Am I crazy or would you wait a while to bring a new man into your children's lives?

TIA for any responses!

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Re: Maybe you guys will have some insight.. (kinda long)

  • BadaBing327BadaBing327
    I think your friend is BSC.

    Not that I'm even anywhere near thinking about dating or relationships at this point, DS will never meet someone I eventually date unless it's serious. And by serious I mean dating at least 6+ months with the possibility of it being a very long term thing. DS is my number one priority and I wouldn't let some man get in the way with that.

    Just my $0.02. 
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  • AmyLovesEddie14AmyLovesEddie14

    imageBadaBing327:
    I think your friend is BSC.

    Not that I'm even anywhere near thinking about dating or relationships at this point, DS will never meet someone I eventually date unless it's serious. And by serious I mean dating at least 6+ months with the possibility of it being a very long term thing. DS is my number one priority and I wouldn't let some man get in the way with that.

    Just my $0.02. 

    Well I appreciate your two cents. DS is lucky to have you! Thank you for reassuring me. I knew I wasn't wrong about this.

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  • belle204belle204 member

    You are not crazy. The one thing I will never do is bring guys in and out of my daughter's life or introduce them right away. It is so irresponsible. That's not to say I (or any other single parent) can't date or whatnot but you have to be wise about it and consider your child(ren). One, I don't want to come across someone who turns out to be off his rocker and could harm me or my child (been there, done that as a child when one of my mom's boyfriends flipped his sh*t) and I didn't take time to get to know this person. I also don't want her getting attached to somene and it doesn't work out (again experienced as a child ... notice a pattern?) This girl needs to grow up and wise up or it won't be the last time it's "his fault" she and her kids are hurt.

    image


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  • AmyLovesEddie14AmyLovesEddie14
    imagebelle204:

    You are not crazy. The one thing I will never do is bring guys in and out of my daughter's life or introduce them right away. It is so irresponsible. That's not to say I (or any other single parent) can't date or whatnot but you have to be wise about it and consider your child(ren). One, I don't want to come across someone who turns out to be off his rocker and could harm me or my child (been there, done that as a child when one of my mom's boyfriends flipped his sh*t) and I didn't take time to get to know this person. I also don't want her getting attached to somene and it doesn't work out (again experienced as a child ... notice a pattern?) This girl needs to grow up and wise up or it won't be the last time it's "his fault" she and her kids are hurt.

    Thank you. You're a good mom. I appreciate the feedback. I don't care too much for this girl, but my heart breaks for her children. I can't imagine it's healthy for them to have different men in and out of their lives.

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  • buckeyerachelbuckeyerachel

    Although I do not personally agree with the actions of your friend, she is an adult and it really is her choice. 

     It is obvious she is hurting and is searching for friendship, love, and affection.  As a friend, I would be there, but not offer critism to her choices.  Support her without being a harsh critic.  I would imagine she knows she messed up and really just needs comfort.  Perhaps your words were hurtful because she assumes you could not possibly understand her feelings being that you are not in her position.

    Just another perspective.

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  • ErinC27ErinC27
    imagebuckeyerachel:

    Although I do not personally agree with the actions of your friend, she is an adult and it really is her choice. 

     It is obvious she is hurting and is searching for friendship, love, and affection.  As a friend, I would be there, but not offer critism to her choices.  Support her without being a harsh critic.  I would imagine she knows she messed up and really just needs comfort.  Perhaps your words were hurtful because she assumes you could not possibly understand her feelings being that you are not in her position.

    Just another perspective.

     

    I have been trying to figure out how to say that and you captured exactly what I was thinking.  

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  • blondnearbyblondnearby

    I completely agree with you in the fact that it is way too soon.  But i also know how single moms (myself sepcifically) can be sensitive to criticism about their parenting skills.  You made it seem that you don't really care for the girl so I would leave it at that.  My only recommendation is that if you do chose to stay in her and her childrens lives reserve your opinions even if they are probably best for the children.  However, if at any time you feel that her children are in actual harm call CPS. I am really sorry for the children.  I hope the mother becomes more secure in herself for the sake of the kids and their emotional well being.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • AmyLovesEddie14AmyLovesEddie14

    Thanks everyone. I tried to offer her support in the beginning when the guy first walked out on her, but now it's taking over her life and I felt the need to remind her that while she's upset, her children need her to pull it together and focus on them. I know she's looking for companionship, but this isn't the first stranger she's brought into her children's lives. The first time around I was extremely supportive in trying to help her get through it. Now it's becoming unfair to the kids.

    I appreciate everyone's feedback. It's definitely a sticky situation that I'd rather not be involved in, but I can't just blow her off. She obviously needs some support. =/

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  • theloveangeltheloveangel member
    You're not wrong, she is the one who came crying to you. Sometimes you gotta tell people what they don't want to hear. She can be mad all day long. In the end, she knows she is wrong and is too old to be blaming someone else for something that could have been easily avoided from the get-go
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  • AmyLovesEddie14AmyLovesEddie14

    imagetheloveangel:
    You're not wrong, she is the one who came crying to you. Sometimes you gotta tell people what they don't want to hear. She can be mad all day long. In the end, she knows she is wrong and is too old to be blaming someone else for something that could have been easily avoided from the get-go

    This made me smile. You and I would probably get along real well IRL. haha This is exactly how I felt about it.

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