Am I being unreasonable?

howa0155 · January 2010

DH really wants a night out (just us two). We have also been strictly following a bedtime routine for a few weeks and have been putting DS to bed around the same time, but with some flexibility based on DS's cues (this has really helped us). It is always between 6:30 and 7:30. So we got a sitter to go out to dinner (yay for gift cards and babysitters) tomorrow. It is my SIL (who I have issues with anyway) and DH wants our reservation at 6 or 6:30. I told him that I either want to be home after dinner in time to put DS to bed (following the routine) or leave after he is in bed. He says his sister can handle it. I just don't like it - at all. I may be reacting due to my feelings towards SIL...but I don't trust her to do what she is supposed to do.

Should I just give in to DH or put my foot down?

nicolesspirit · January 2010

I know what you mean, I don't relinquish my daily routines for anyone! Put your foot down because you won't enjoy yourself anyways worrying about what SIL is doing or not doing !!

majors31 · January 2010

don't be a slave to bedtime!

no, really, i have no idea.

i've left DD with my mom before at bedtime and she was fine, but i trust my mom. MIL...i might be saying the same things you are saying.

but....horrrrraaaayyyyy for date night!

majors31 · January 2010

nicolesspirit:
I know what you mean, I don't relinquish my daily routines for anyone! Put your foot down because you won't enjoy yourself anyways worrying about what SIL is doing or not doing !!

oh, this is a much better answer.

you want to enjoy your night out.

MrsWanee · January 2010

nicolesspirit:
I know what you mean, I don't relinquish my daily routines for anyone! Put your foot down because you won't enjoy yourself anyways worrying about what SIL is doing or not doing !!

this, exactly. this is why we don't go out either - i have to be there for his nighttime routine! hopefully i can become more flexible, but i'm not a very flexible person lol.

kmf143 · January 2010

I would push to leave after DS bedtime. This way you can relax & take time. No point finally getting out to either a) be on time schedule or b) be up tight & nervous about SIL putting him to bed. I would explain it to DH in that way.

OR Compermise for 6:30-7 instead & try your hardest to get hime down early!

rainlily · January 2010

Why don't you tell DH that since you've got a sitter, you'd rather go out for an actual date...and eat dinner while it's dark! Maybe if you pretend it isn't about bedtime, he may not argue with you.

heatherlane · January 2010

I think it's normal to feel worried about it, but just remind yourself that there's really nothing she can do in one night that will undo all of your hard work on the routine. DS will be fine, enjoy your date!

MomsABoo · January 2010

I say you're not bc I am the same way! I tell myself I need to let go a little. But then I decide I'm not crazy bc he's only 4 months (120 days!!!) so I can be crazy if I want!

mfransdell · January 2010

I'm pretty crazy about our routine also. When you have a finicky sleeper or a baby who is thrown off by one bad night it's scary to mess with a good system! Do what you are comfortable with.

meshl · January 2010

I'm sort of dealing with this, too. My LO goes to bed by 6pm (on her demand!) so it's really hard to work around that. It's only been a few weeks but everything is going so well I don't want to rock the boat. If we do need to do something, I try to plan it for after she's in bed. I just don't want to screw anything up because them I'm the one that has to deal with a cranky child if she doesn't sleep or whatever.

MrsBeckaT615 · January 2010

Granted, I'm a really laid back person. I think you are being unreasonable. The whole point of a date is to spend time AWAY from the kids and enjoy each other. For one night, put wife ahead of mom and RELAX.One night is not going to ruin his routine and I'm sure your SIL can handle putting him down. But like I said, I'm really laid back.

Shlei · January 2010

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I like things a certain way and would not budge when it comes to my kid.

MattysGirl81 · January 2010

Just make the reservation for 7:45 or 8pm - that way you can be sure that you put DS to bed and enjoy yourselves at the restaurant. Why is DH so intent on having SIL put him to bed?

howa0155 · January 2010

MattysGirl81:
Just make the reservation for 7:45 or 8pm - that way you can be sure that you put DS to bed and enjoy yourselves at the restaurant. Why is DH so intent on having SIL put him to bed?

I am not sure, but I think that is when his sister wanted to come over. Which is great and all, but I have three people who would take the kids whenever...

b.heather · January 2010

I deal with this -we are always home by 6:30 so we can do DD's routine.

However, my DH had a good point. One of the purposes of the routine is that anyone can do it. It is a series of steps that someone else can also follow. If you sitter will follow the routine you should be just fine!

water-fairy · January 2010

*I* would first put DS to bed and then leave but I also think dinner at 6 or 6:30 is not dinner. We eat late, typically around 9 (if we are out), later if we eat at home. Anyway, I would't want to throw DS's schedule off or risk it with another person that may not be able to put him to bed as he is used to.

CalinsBride · January 2010

I would leave after he was in bed. You wont have fun if you're worrying, and more importantly, if you come home and he's having a fit, you're going to regret going on your date in the first place.

hellopoppyseed · January 2010

I would totally go out after I put the baby to bed. That way you know he is sleeping and you don't worry and have fun instead. DH would just have to deal with it. There's nothing terrible about going out at 7:30. He is getting a date after all.

aniceucchik · January 2010

Foot Down! Especially if LO is used to the routine...there will be many years ahead that you all can go out...JMO.

Pennylane824 · January 2010

I don't necessarily think you are being unreasonable, but like one of the other PPs, I'm pretty laid back. We go over to my parent's house for dinner at least once a week and we are always there past her bed time. We just do most of the routine there and hope she falls asleep on the ride home. At the very worst we give her another small bottle at home and then put her down. She wakes up at 5:30ish regardless of going to bed at 7 or 11.

We go out fairly regularly and she gets watched by all family members and I'm sure none of them do things quite the way we do and I think that has made her very adaptable to her surroundings. It's nice because this way we feel comfortable leaving her overnight which we are doing tomorrow (for friends bachelor/bachelorette parties) and then again in two weeks for the same friend's wedding.

heidismith · January 2010

I would try to go after you put him to bed!

iowagirl73 · January 2010

I prefer to put DS1 to bed if I can before we go out (his bedtime is 7:30pm); however, if I can't make it happen it doesn't bother me that much. You may be reacting emotionally to how you feel about your SIL but you won't know if you can trust her unless you let her put your LO to bed. And really, not following your routine for 1 night isn't going to set your child back.

yale · January 2010

If we've got a babysitter, I give them the rundown of how we'd like it to go... but if that doesn't work out (which it sometimes doesn't, even for us) I'm totally flexible and open to whatever to keep DS happy and let us enjoy ourselves.

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