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Lost - am I being over dramatic?

svanhoeysvanhoey
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I thought we got everything we wanted for Christmas when I tested positive Christmas Eve morning.  We kept it a secret from everyone until I saw my doc New Year's Eve and she said, "You look very pregnant."  Then we told our parents and everyone at the party we went to and then some.  I was only a little over 4wks at the time.

New Years day a little spotting, but thought it was implantation blood. Then on Saturday after New Years, more blood - red blood.  By the end of the day on 1/2, my hcg level was only 20 and we were all pretty certain I'd miscarried.  And it was probably a few days prior that I'd lost the pregnancy.

Now almost a week later, and several sympathetic phone calls, cards and emails, I'm still a freaking mess.  (Not to mention FIL in hospital a couple days later for lung cancer surgery.)  I'm trying to be positive and move forward cause I know there was nothing I could do, but I just can't get this out of my head!  It was my first pregnancy and something I wanted so badly.  I'm excited to try again, but I feel like that day will never come, and I'm almost afraid.  Plus, the little bit of bleeding won't go away - it's now just brown dried mess.

How do I get through this?  My DH is completely distracted with his dad as well as a friend's suicide so he's got all kinds of other things on his mind.

Thanks...

 

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Re: Lost - am I being over dramatic?

  • samjprosamjpro member

    I understand what you are going through. I lost my first pregnancy recently as well. It's so hard because you are already making plans in your head. I know it happens to a lot of women, but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens to you.

    I am also very impatient about wanting to try again. It's a scary thing. I just feel the need to be able to get pregnant again, but at the same time I'm terrified that the result will be the same. I think the most important thing is to stay positive. Stress can really affect your body negatively. It's important to try to relax, easier said than done I know.

    I just try to be thankful for all the good things I have in my life. I can't imagine going through this without the support of my family, friends, and fellow bump board posters!

    Stay strong.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • shall923shall923 member

    I am sorry for all that your family is going through right now. It is hard to stay positive but it will get easier. You just need to be upset and grieve right now. That is okay to do and you shouldn't feel bad for it. You will feel better about trying again. Right now just let yourself feel bad and don't try to force yourself to feel better. 

    We have all been here and understand the feelings. Please come here anytime for venting or support. 

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  • michroccmichrocc member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. No, I don't think you're being overdramatic.  There is no schedule for grief, and you have every right to mourn as you need to.  You didn't just love your baby the day you got the BFP.  Like all of us, you started loving your baby the moment you knew you were meant to be a mommy and started dreaming about what life would be like with this baby.  You had hopes and dreams for your LO and it's hard to reconcile the fact that he or she is gone (but definitely not forgotten or loved any less).

    Hugs. 

    BFP#1 10/19/09, m/c 12/5/09, BFP#2 2/03/12, m/c 2/12/12, BFP#3 3/18/13, LO born 11/22/13

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1a17ee.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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  • svanhoeysvanhoey

    Thank you, lovely ladies....  I hoped the sadness would have completely left, but it's going to come and go.  And I need to let it. 

    Here's to 2010 being an amazing year - not only for TTCAL, but for being strong women with amazing families, friends and fellow bump board posters :-)

    Best wishes to you all!

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  • StaribethStaribeth

    I am so sorry for your loss. And you are not being over dramatic by any means. 

    please PM me if you ever want to talk- this sounds very similar to my experience. My FIL died of a massive heart attack last december, we began ttc, lost a baby in May, one in July, MIL was diagnosed with lung cancer in August, got a another bfp in early sept, lost the baby late october and MIL died at the beginning of december. It was terrible and MH couldn't support me the way I needed him to and I couldn't support him the way he needed me to. It's a rough road. Lean on good friends and consider talking to a counselor- it's how we have made it. But again, please PM me- I can definitely relate.

    Three losses in 2009, a miracle in 2010! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker The Method to My Madness, a PPD blog
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  • ikissedthecookikissedthecook
    I am so sorry for your loss and no, you are not being overdramatic. I am too going through many of the same feeling you described, as are many women on this board from what I've gathered. This is a great place to come for support. Grieve on your own terms, the healing part will come in time, or so I'm told.
    married 09.06.08
    BFP #1 - m/c on 12.22.09 @ 8w3d
    BFP #2 - d&c on 07.22.10 @11w1d
    BFP #3 - DS born on 06.22.11 @41w3d!
    BFP #4 - Due 04.24.13
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