TTC After a Loss

Does it make me sad

that I don't want to talk to anyone IRL anymore. Like my friends. I am just sick of alot of them. They are judgmental, way too opinionated and just all around frustrating.

I mean I do talk to all of them, but only a couple know about us TTC, because the rest think that us losing Zoe should have stopped us....it's just too much for one person(they say)

Anyone else feel this way?

DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.

Re: Does it make me sad

  • I would rather post or lurk on here then talk to most of my friends IRL. Oh and BTW I can't believe think you should not try again. Sorry for that.
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  • imageshall923:
    I would rather post or lurk on here then talk to most of my friends IRL. Oh and BTW I can't believe think you should not try again. Sorry for that.

    yeah my friends suck for the most part. Not all of them but some. I had a friend post on Facebook that she and others thought I was making a mistake. I had other children to worry about and needed to be happy with what I had.  Then when my DH replied to her that 6 different doctors said there is no harm in trying again, won't hurt me. Her reply was "I don't care what the doctors say, I see her.  I think you(DH) don't see it all" UGH.  

    DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
  • I absolutly feel this way. I have to force myself to keep in touch with my IRL friends. We moved away from everyone a few weeks after the first loss, and I was just starting to email them regularly when the next two happened.

    I have basically fallen off the earth, and the sad thing is, I have no strong desire to make it better. It's easier to just burrow in at home. I think I'm going to wake up one day ready to reconnect and they are going to - understandably - not have time for me anymore. But I can't help how I feel right now.

  • not sad at all.  I'm the same way too.  It's very hard when they haven't been in your situation, and just don't get it.  We are almost at our 1 year anniversary, and some friends just don't get why it still weighs so heavily on my mind. 

    Just know that we are hear for ya when those days get to you!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I've noticed I've become much more picky about those I choose to hang around with since my losses.  I just don't have the time of day for most people and their habitual complaining.  

    I understand completely. 

    Marie, wife to Ron, mom to DS
  • image3ltlones:

    imageshall923:
    I would rather post or lurk on here then talk to most of my friends IRL. Oh and BTW I can't believe think you should not try again. Sorry for that.

    yeah my friends suck for the most part. Not all of them but some. I had a friend post on Facebook that she and others thought I was making a mistake. I had other children to worry about and needed to be happy with what I had.  Then when my DH replied to her that 6 different doctors said there is no harm in trying again, won't hurt me. Her reply was "I don't care what the doctors say, I see her.  I think you(DH) don't see it all" UGH.  

    She posted that on FB. It is bad enough to say it but to post it on FB. She deserves to be smacked. 

  • imageshall923:
    image3ltlones:

    imageshall923:
    I would rather post or lurk on here then talk to most of my friends IRL. Oh and BTW I can't believe think you should not try again. Sorry for that.

    yeah my friends suck for the most part. Not all of them but some. I had a friend post on Facebook that she and others thought I was making a mistake. I had other children to worry about and needed to be happy with what I had.  Then when my DH replied to her that 6 different doctors said there is no harm in trying again, won't hurt me. Her reply was "I don't care what the doctors say, I see her.  I think you(DH) don't see it all" UGH.  

    She posted that on FB. It is bad enough to say it but to post it on FB. She deserves to be smacked. 

    Please send me her name and email. Clearly, she and I need to have a talk. Ask me if I'm kidding.

     

  • imageshall923:
    image3ltlones:

    imageshall923:
    I would rather post or lurk on here then talk to most of my friends IRL. Oh and BTW I can't believe think you should not try again. Sorry for that.

    yeah my friends suck for the most part. Not all of them but some. I had a friend post on Facebook that she and others thought I was making a mistake. I had other children to worry about and needed to be happy with what I had.  Then when my DH replied to her that 6 different doctors said there is no harm in trying again, won't hurt me. Her reply was "I don't care what the doctors say, I see her.  I think you(DH) don't see it all" UGH.  

    She posted that on FB. It is bad enough to say it but to post it on FB. She deserves to be smacked. 

    Yes, on FACEBOOK! it was the longest thing ever, other online friends of mine went off on her, there were over 40 posts  when it was all over. Then I deleted it because I was so pissed.

    DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
  • It can be hard, and I'm often not excited by the thought of seeing people. But I'm always happy after I do.

    My friends have been really great about everything, though, so I don't have to worry about sh*tty comments and the like. I'm the first to have a m/c (most aren't even trying to get pregnant) so I think they're all just a little stunned that it happened to one of our peers.

    It's taken me 2 months to get to the point where I can socialize normally again.

    BFP #1 10/17/09: missed m/c at 7 weeks; BFP #2 10/22/10: chemical pregnancy; BFP #3: 1/28/11

    Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11

    <a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view

  • imageambrandau2:

     

    I have basically fallen off the earth, and the sad thing is, I have no strong desire to make it better. It's easier to just burrow in at home. I think I'm going to wake up one day ready to reconnect and they are going to - understandably - not have time for me anymore.

    This has happened to me.  The m/c was a part of it, but it actually started happening about a year or so before.  It's a sucky feeling, but I have to think that if they are really my friends, then they will come around when I do, and if they are not, there are always new opportunities.  That's just me trying to be positive (which does not come naturally)!

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  • I hope not.  If it does, it makes me sad too.

    I'm not discussing ttc or not ttc or pregnancy or miscarriage with anyone.  I sent out a note to my friends that knew and said "Didn't work, don't want to talk, know you love me and I appreciate that but I'm in hiding.  I'll be back soon and I don't want to talk about it."

    My sis (who knew) spent yesterday trying to convince me to tell my mom and other sis (who don't know).  Honestly, I have no idea what to do because I do.not.want.to.talk.about.it..

  • I've only kept a few close friends and am fortunate that these are the ppl who are the most understanding in any circumstance, especially my losses (for the most part).  I am so sorry that you have a bunch that are judgmental, etc...that just sucks.  I say only keeping up with a couple that are hopefully supportive and just good ppl will help your sanity.   
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