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Working Moms
I am so sick of the "no sick time or vacation" whine
from SAHMs on some boards.
When I am sick, I am often AT work, or at the very least taking care of my child, because you don't get days off from being a parent just because you WOH.
Also, the whole vacation time thing? I take my vacations to do what they do every day - to spend time with my child, get things done at home, and relax a bit.
Being a parent is hard sometimes, whether you SAH or WOH. I am so sick of the whining about it being 24 hours with no breaks... I'm a parent at 3am and 3pm too. Sure, I get out of the house to go to work, but that presents its own challenges.
(this is in response to another website, not this one)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am so sick of the "no sick time or vacation" whine
If they want a vacation, why don't they *gasp* ask someone to watch their kid for a few hours? You know........get a babysitter or something.
If it's "24 hours with no breaks", that's because you choose for it to be like that. Don't piss and moan about the choices that you make, because it makes you sound like an idiot.
ditto
I'm just over the whole martyr mom complex people like to lay out there. Its your life, take control of it!
totally agree! each person is responsible for their own happiness. if you don't like it change it!
This. A hundred millions times, this.
If you're suicidally depressed about having to be a working mom, then DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION! If you're a SAHM who's worn out and ragged from never getting an hour to yourself, HIRE A BABYSITTER FOR AN EVENING - it won't do any harm to your child.
Life is rarely perfect and almost everyone has something about their life that they wish was different. But if something about your life bothers you so much that it consumes you, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
Agreed. Anybody who thinks it's easier to be a WOHM has clearly never tried it. Both options have their challenges, and it's all hard at times no matter what.
Of all the millions of decisions families make daily for their kids, why is it that mom's employment still has to be such a hot button? I wonder sometimes if DD will still be dealing with these issues when she has kids of her own. Sadly, I'm afraid she probably will.
Agree 100%, and I hope that our daughters won't have to deal with this crap, and are free to make the choices they want!!
Completely agree. And I often wish there was a "like" button on posts, too!
As a SAHM, when the baby takes a nap, you can get stuff done. When my baby naps, I'm still at work! I can't get stuff done at home! It has to be crammed in at night or on the weekend. Being a working mom is certainly a 24/7 job, too.
I've been back to work for 10 months now & have yet to get a "vacation or sick day." DD's daycare was near work up until 3 weeks ago so if I was home so was she.
I think that when you choose to be a SAHM that is one of the things you should take into consideration. If it's that bad than you should of chosen some other option.
As a SAHM, I agree that whining about your situation in general is annoying. If you don't like it, do something about it. However, I get the idea of this particular whine.
When my working mom friends take a sick day, their kids still go to daycare, giving them an entire day to rest and get better. As a SAHM, I am lucky to have help from my mom and MIL from time to time, but they have lives and careers too. If I am sick, there isn't a place for me to drop off DD. She is with me unless I can figure out some sort of lucky last minute alternate arrangements. A few months ago I was sick, and the first two days were pure torture. By the third day my mom was able to plan her day around helping me and she came over for a four hour block of time so I could rest. I was better the next day.
I am at the end of what has been a very nauseating, exhausting 1st tri. Chasing an 11 month old around has been slightly challenging! But I do agree with some pps, at least I have had the chance to take naps while DD naps (most days).
But on the flip side of that coin.............when your child is sick, you don't have to take time off work to be with them.
Almost all of my sick time has been used taking care of DS when he's been sick and couldn't go to daycare. As a result, if I'm sick - I'm still at work, trying to be as productive as possible. I'm not relaxing at a nice and quiet home.........I'm chugging meds and trying not to infect anyone in my office.
Your line about "happy mom = happy family" is a personal mantra of mine, despite the fact that LO hasn't yet arrived. I've always known I wanted kids, just like I've always known that I love my job too much to leave it. It really irks me when people make comments like you're less of a mother because of the choice to continue working. I'm with you guys all the way!
Piper, 4/10/10
Connor, 3/16/15
Morgan, EDD 9/22/16
Well, I just have to chime in. I was a FT WM for a little over 2 years - due to a variety of circumstances, I left my job and have been (for the most part) SAH since my little one was 5 months old (I do work a PT evening job). I totally understand where you're coming from. Having done both (I was a complete SAHM for 3 months), I think working is in general much harder (obviously there are many different things that factor into this.)
The only thing I have to say - when I worked FT, we always had the option of using daycare, M-F. At one point I was sick with the stomach flu and strep throat at the same time, and my DH dropped the kids at daycare and went to work while I SAH and recovered. But recently, I had a terrible stomach bug. DH couldn't take off work, and we have no family in the area to provide any kind of back-up care. So...I was stuck at home puking my guts out while taking care of a 1 year old and 2 year old. So yeah...it can be a bit rough.
I'm definitely not saying that SAH is the only parenting that is 24/7...I know that it's not..but yeah - in my personal situation I did have a little more lee-way than I do now, when I WOH. Sometimes I would get out of work an hour or two early and use that time to run errands. I miss that time now. I always have my kids, unless I'm at my PT evening job. .
Yeah, of course, I have the option of paying a babysitter to come over - but I just can't justify paying $10+ hr. so I can grocery shop, and there's no way we can find and/or afford someone at that rate for 3 days (in our tiny house, nonetheless) while I'm sick.
Just wanted to provide another perspective.
I agree with alisonada - I think having daycare available M-F is a nice resource SAHPs do not have. Hell, I take every other Monday off and the kids DO go to daycare that day so I can get the house cleaned and errands done so we aren't crazy on the weekends.
But I think SOME SAHPs feel like they need to be the ones to do it all and feel guilty about getting a housekeeper or taking a day off and getting a sitter. Do it! No shame in it!
Daycare isn't an option for many SAHP's for sick leave. Not everyone has family close by who could care for their children either (I know we don't). I don't get the whole comparing the two, though. You know upfront if you're a SAHP what your options for care are. So you either deal with it or change it. But saying being a WOHP or a SAHP is harder than the other is complete BS IMHO. Both have challenges that can be equally frustrating.
I don't understand--if a SAHM is so sick, why doesn't her husband stay home to help with the kids? Is he somehow off the hook for that responsibility?
Today I'm taking my first PTO day of the year to care for a barfing child (DH is busier at work than I am) and I'll be wired in all day, trying to accomplish what I can. So neither my job NOR my work will recieve my full attention.
But don't worry, I only bill the hours I actually work, so I'll still use a half PTO day most likely.
I think alot of times what it comes down to is that they can't "afford" to take the time off or job pressures them not to take any time off. A sick spouse is often not an excuse that's accepted by employers. I know it's close to downright impossible to get my particular shift covered even when I'm sick, let alone if my husband (who WAH) is sick. Spouse being sick does not = a reason to call off
So taking care of your kids isn't a good enough excuse to take time off work? I don't understand.
I've left work to care for my kids if my husband is too sick, and I work in a pressure cooker, non-family-friendly industry (advertising) and company. You do what you have to do for your family, even if that means you work all night after everyone finally falls asleep (like I did last night).
Heck, I worked on a new business pitch WHILE I HAD H1N1.
Just because Mom is a SAHM doesn't leave Dad off the hook. I'm the primary breadwinner--make twice what DH does--but we determine who stays home with sick kids based on schedule.
I don't think anyone doubts that it requires coordination and planning and sometimes a spouse to take off or just to suck it up and deal with it, but the point is, you made the choice to stay home and no one should have to listen to you whine about how hard it is. Yes, it stinks to be sick and have to watch kids but we've all had to do it. And being a pregnant working mom is no barrel of laughs either - but I'm not asking for sympathy. My decision and I survived it.
The grocery shopping thing doesn't work for me. I don't grocery shop during work. No one pays me to shop. If I have to stop for milk, yes it's nice to be able to do that on the way home, but I've certainly had to do it with two kids in tow too and it's not the end of the world. We grocery shop on the weekends with both kids or one of us goes alone. And I do have several friends who hire a babysitter so they can grocery shop in peace and they think it's worth every penny of the $20-$30 they spend to do it.
this is my situation. i reserve and use my sick time/vaca to stay home with Carson when he is sick.
i go to work when i am sick........just how it goes, but i don't complain about it. i would rather sacrifice my off time to be there for him when he is sick.
For my work if PTO isn't aproved by the boss it's not paid. Period. They won't approve time off for a sick spouse or because you don't have daycare for your child (sick child excluded). I know I'm not the only one who has a job like this. Not everyone has the option to leave. I don't work, I don't get paid, I miss more than 1 day without an approved excuse, I'm fired (although my current boss has been alot more understanding than my previous one). As I said before, it's very difficult to get my shift covered and I often work even when I shouldn't (like right now) as I'm one of 3 people who are qualified to work this particular shift because of state regs. The other two people also have normal shifts totaling 40 hours/ week.
I don't get the whole issues with going to the grocery store? Maybe I'll change my mind when I have two children but I've never had much of an issue taking DS to the store as DH doesn't always have the time to do it. It sucks to work when suck, sucks even more to take care of a child when sick. But we're parents, we do what we must.
I would rather stick darts in my eyes than take both my kids grocery shopping by myself. And I'll do an awful lot to avoid taking #2 by himself.
It all depends on the kid.
First off I'm a FT WOH WM. (got that?
BUT - one of my many resolutions is to put myself in others' shoes.
Presumably this is probably a whine from a SAHM board? or at least this person didn't come over here to whine. So, we're saying that SAHM's can't complain about pertinent things to their situation to others in similar situations? It's one thing if SAHM's come here to complain, it's another if they're talking amongst each other.
Honestly, I do think it's "easier" (relatively speaking) to be sick and stuck at work than to be sick and take care of a rambunctious LO. I can at least hibernate at my cube and just sit for the most part rather than try to entertain and play and cook for a toddler/ baby. And it's just not that easy to find someone to care for your kid on short notice no matter how good you have it IF your spouse can't take off work.
The vacation line is a load of crap though. We could all use a vacation from our lives. duh.
My point is just that everyone is allowed to vent- especially if it's to people in similar situations who can empathize.
No, it was a national board, with a "Which is harder" poll, and there were a bunch of "I work 24/7 and NEVER Get a vacation!" posts. Not a "this is hard" looking for commiseration post.
I have zero sympathy on the vacation thing. On the sick thing, I think it has to be horrendous to be home with a baby or a rambunctious kid and be ill. I got a bad cold just before returning from maternity leave, and I was super lucky that the nanny we share with our downstairs neighbors had already started caring for their DD because I was able to leave DS with her on Friday and the next day was Saturday and DH could care for him. I don't know what I would have done if I was a SAHM. And that was just a cold - a real illness or even a 24-hour puke fest is pretty unimaginable to me.
My job can be super stressful, but I will say that at least I have some variety in my life. Years ago I took a retail job on weekends on top of my other job. People couldn't believe I was doing it, but it actually wasn't that bad because they were totally different things so I didn't actually feel like I was at work all the time. Being a mom is a little like that, although I only lasted 6 months doing retail!
But anyway, I chose not to be a SAHM, so there you go.
In general, the whole "who has it worse/harder" is a pointless arguement that splits women instead of recognizing that we should all be on the same side and supportive of each others' choices and working TOGETHER to make things better for families and kids. But it is very offensive when someone from the other "lifestyle" seems critical or judgmental of your choices or what you did out of necessity, and hence the animosity starts.
As far as the spouse taking off work thing goes - not everyone works in an office environment where they can just call off, or does the kind of work that can be done at home. My DH is a retail manager of a small store. When he's scheduled to open the store, he has to be there or the store doesn't open - unless one of his employees can work for him, but that isn't usually a possibility since there's only 3 of them and they're all students with set schedules. Now, if I was hospitalized or something I'm sure his District Manager could come in and open the store, but there is just no way he could call her in because I have the stomach flu. Believe me, he would have loved to stay home instead of leave his puking wife and two small kids, but if his store didn't open, he would lose his job.
Not to play into the "which is harder" game, but come on - I was a pregnant working (FT) mom too - and that's a breeze compared to puking your guts out while caring for two small kids. I agree with your point that the whining is annoying when it's a situation you put yourself into, but come on - you can't even compare the two.
The grocery shopping thing was just an example. I know you don't grocery shop during work, I didn't either. My point was just that, when I worked FT, I had opportunities here and there to run little errands and things without toting the kids along. I had my lunch break, occasionally I would leave work an hour or two early or go in a little late, etc. No, it's not the end of the world to shop with my two kids - I do it all the time - but it's a hel! of a lot easier to make a quick trip to the store without bringing them along. Between my DH's work schedule (he works most weekends) and my PT job, there's not a lot of time we're both home together, so it's not so easy for one of us to just go when the other one can watch the kids.
I don't know...yeah, whining from SAHMs is annoying. So is whining from WMs who can't even fathom that certain things about SAH are really tough too. I guess has someone who's done it both ways it's easier for me to see both sides though.
100% this
DH is a WAHD and is with DS 24/7. I work 3 shifts a week, 10 hours each shift + staff meetings and an occasional few hours a week. ATM DH is the breadwinner, I work because it makes me feel productive, however my job is very demanding. From the standpoint of looking for part time daycare, I've been there, done that and it's far too expensive to be justified. Many require that you have your spot "held" and you pay a minimum fee every month or week (we looked at 3 hours 2x's/ week, $85 a week was the fee). Unless you can find a good drop in daycare but I think their fees are astronomical ($20/ hour is the going rate for drop in here, at that point there's no point in working if you're hourly shifts).
But I do understand where you're coming from. My job is hard to call off simply b/c of the shift and work I do and the freakin' state regs that we must follow. After a while you fall into a routine that works for you and you find back up if need be in an emergency case.
I know this post is old. I was definitely not trying to compare - I just don't like any of the whining - SAHM or WM. Life is hard - people need to accept that and just deal with it. It's called being an adult. IRL none of my friends complain very much about any of this stuff.