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3rd Trimester
I am so F**ing sick of my In laws! (Obviously a vent)
Long story short, my SIL doesn't like her mother. There is no concrete reason for this, just some petty *** that happened years ago that SIL cannot let go. I'm not the biggest fan of MIL, as she can be overbearing at times, but even I can admit that she means well enough, and she's certainly not abusive or anything like that.
So SIL lives ten minutes from us, and MIL lives accross the country. Every time MIL comes to visit, she's not allowed to go to SIL house. In fact, until recently when SIL had a baby, she wasn't allowed to see SIL at ALL (this went on for almost 10 years).
Now SIL has a four month old, and has been "allowing" MIL to see the baby. By this I mean, supervised visits, not in SIL's home, and for limited periods of time. They treat her nice enough to her face, but at the same time their actions are as though she is some kind of untrustworthy criminal. It's very weird. This totally breaks MIL's heart and she cries on our shoulder about it for hours when she comes to visit. In a way it's almost worse than if she didn't see the baby, because then at least she could try not to think about it.
OK so to get to the point. Of course, DH and I are sucked into all of this, because we have to host MIL when she comes to visit, and supervised visits with the baby are always at my house, and I'm not allowed to say anything to SIL about the way she treats MIL, because I guess it's not my place, so I keep my mouth shut.
This weekend, MIL is coming into town for my baby shower, and SIL wants to go out with a friend on Friday night, so she asked MIL to babysit. Sounds great right? MIL gets to see the baby, SIL gets to go out, everyone's happy. NOT SO MUCH. MIL cannot babysit at SIL's house, so the baby is coming here to my house. Also, MIL cannot be alone with the baby, so DH and I are also babysitting. We just recently set up the nursery for my LO, and they want us to have all our bedding washed at set up so that their baby can use the crib.
Also, they want to spend some time with MIL on Saturday night as well, so they went ahead and invited themselves over to dinner that night. I already told DH that I don't want to babysit Friday, entertain them Saturday, and then have to clean up for my shower (it's at my house) by Sunday. I suggested that we ask if we can have dinner at SIL's house. Of course, that is out of the question. I'm not even supposed to bring up the idea because it might upset SIL and then MIL might not get to see them at all.
ARGH. Normally I DON'T go in for this type of drama at all. I can't escape it because for some reason, even though the issues are between MIL and SIL, we are always mediating. I'm so sick of it! I also for the life of me cannot understand why they keep babying my SIL and letting her act like a spoiled brat.
I am going to pull my hair out. This whole weekend of my baby shower is just going to be one big drama fest, I can already see it.
VENT OVER
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am so F**ing sick of my In laws! (Obviously a vent)
OH MY GOD!
Not blaming you at all - but this is some hardcore,major enabling. SIL needs to get over herself.
I wish I had some words of advice, but all I can say is I'm so sorry you are stuck in that situation. It's easy enough for an outsider to say "Tell them you won't do it anymore", but when you are the one in it...it's not so cut and dried.
But I would definitely suggest a Pack and Play for the baby to sleep in. For some reason, the idea of them using their crib before you really bugs me, and I don't even know you! Hopefully you can figure something out so you can enjoy your weekend. Good luck!
This is utterly ridiculous.
Put your foot down. Let them know you and you DH aren't doormats.
Well, I do agree that it's not really your place to get in between SIL's and MIL's relationship... HOWEVER,
you are in control of your own home. You don't have to play into SIL's drama by allowing these "supervised" visits at your home. Tell her to make her own arrangements and you don't want to be involved.
i'd be so p-o'd and unwilling to let this happen. while SIL is out sat night i would not be babysitting, MIL can do it herself and if SIL has a problem with that sounds like she needs to stay in. ugh, and as far as dinner goes, sounds like we're going out for dinner.
good luck though. i wouldn't be able to handle it.
Wait, they want you to wash your baby's bedding so their baby can sleep in a crib that your baby hasn't even used yet?! Are they nuts?! Talk about high expectations and unreasonable requests! Sounds like SIL needs to grow up! I'm sorry you have to deal with this and if I were you, I'd put my foot down. That is your home. Too bad if SIL doesn't like what you have to say. I'm so mad for you right now!!
Sounds like childish drama, and something I wouldn't want to be a part of. Quite frankly, SIL is acting like a control freak, for whatever reason that is beyond what we know and MIL is catering to it.
I would politely step out of their high school drama and focus on my own family. If your DH wants to play their games, he can have at it. To drag you into something that unhealthy is unfair to you.
I would explain to both of them in not so many words, how their behavior makes you feel. It isn't your job to play mediator to their bad relationship.
Wish them well and be done. If this has gone on for 10 years plus, I doubt it will improve.
You shouldn't have to deal with this at all, tell your H to reign in his crazy family and let them know they have to figure out a solution that doesn't burden you.
2) That said, just say no, you cannot accomodate their request. Tell them you are getting the nursery ready for YOUR child, and you are not babysitting MIL, if this is really putting you out. All you need to do is stand up for yourself.
This is pretty much what I have tried to do.
They definitely will not change They all have this twisted relationship with each other, and I have tried to point it out in the past (even in a helpful way) and caused nothing but pain for myself. So now I just try to keep my mouth shut.
The crib thing does bother me, but I can't decide if I'm just being petty (because it's SIL asking), or if I would feel that way with any other baby. I did ask DH to ask them to bring their own bedding, which you think wouldn't be a big deal. Of course for some reason he has to call him mom and run it by her to see if she thinks SIL will get upset prior to asking her.
Yes, it is ridiculous, but dealing with SIL is like dealing with a brick wall. If we are mad at her but don't confront her, she doesn't care, but if we openly confront her, she says things like "You guys are lucky we don't just cut you out of our life", and she is more than capable of doing it because she did it to her mom for 10 years. DH really wants to have a relationship with his niece so we put up with it.
As for enabling the drama between SIL and MIL, yes I do I admit it. However, if I don't try to help my MIL, she won't get to see her neice at all and I would feel really guilty about that.
For the most part I deal with, but sometimes I just need to vent!
I wish there were BS going on that I wasn't aware of! LOL!
I have been with my DH since we were teenagers (over 10 years now), and unfortunately I know all the details of all their drama, because they love to talk about it. SIL has explained to me in detail why she doesn't like her mom, and it really is all petty sh*t. I would rather that it wasn't, because it would be so much easier to deal with if I could at least identify with SIL's feelings!
You are probably right on point number 2.
Sorry you're stuck in the middle of all this drama. Your SIL sure sounds like a winner.
In regards to your MIL having to babysit and inturn you having to babysit...Don't rush to wash your baby's bedding just so your SIL's baby has a place to sleep. She's gotta have a PNP that she can provide for her baby...especially since she is inconveniencing you and your husband.
I hope for your sake that your SIL will get over herself. GL!!
THIS
So, what exactly happened to your husband's balls?
You can't upset SIL? Really? She is not that special a snowflake.
Your H needs to tell SIL to get over herself. If she wants MIL to babysit fine, but that has nothing to do with you. Stop letting her use your house for this crap. I really hope this is mud because I can't believe anyone could be this much of a doormat.
I agree 110%
Your SIL sounds like a spoiled b*tch and I want to slap her for you! Tell her that you will no longer be catering to her plans, she needs to make her own arrangements, and you don't give a sh*t if she "kicks you out of her life" cause pretty soon, this chick ain't gonna have anyone left in her life to kick out. If hubby doesn't stand up for you and your home, than let him worry about maintaining a relationship with his sister and you can just be done with it.
The thing is, motherhood is going to be stressful enough for you. You don't need to deal with this petty BS on top of it. Once you put your foot down, you will feel a million times better. And do it soon or you are looking at spending the rest of your life this way.