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Two Under 2
JARbaby
member
Those with older 2u2
JARbaby
member
in Two Under 2
How do you deal when the younger one starts fighting for attention? Julia (1) just started hitting, pushing, pinching Caroline if I am holding both on my lap. Julia wants Mom to herself and she gets angry and really pushes and hits hard. OH and she pulls C's hair. TG C is a sweet sister, I would not be surprised if one day C does not pop Juls good. FWIW Julia and Caroline are in the same size clothing. J will soon be bigger than C.
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Re: Those with older 2u2
The one misbehaving goes in time out with very little fan fare.
During the 2 minutes of time out the older one gets heaps of attention and verbal praise (especially if they didn't hit back "I'm so proud of you for not hitting! Good decision!")
In the circumstance where you're holding both of them I'd try the "2 minute approach"
Ask the misbehaving one point blank if they're being mean because they want to be the only one in Mommy's lap. I can even ask the 3 yr old if he's misbehaving because he wants my attention and he'll say yes.
If they answer yes say "Ok Honey, I can do that for you. I'm going to hold both of you for 2 minutes and then I'll hold just you by yourself and then I'll hold just your sister by herself. 2 minutes, OK?"
Almost everything in our world right now is "2 minutes"
It buys us enough time for tempers to calm down, for the kids to know that their needs are heard, understood, and will be tended to, and that they don't get to demand exactly what they want on the spot.
What ends up happening is that in the next 2 minutes we have so much fun all tickling and playing that when I announce "OK it's been 2 minutes!" they're no longer wrapped around the axel anymore and don't really care about their original desire with the same passion as before.
That's our rule with sharing too. When one wants the other's toy they have to ask: "Can I have a turn please?" The other has the right to answer "in 2 minutes." Sharing has become a breeze. They take their 2 minutes and then either loose interest and walk away or actively go hand over the toy and say "your turn!"
I'm so thankful for the Parenting with Love and Logic book. It helps so much to have these kinds of tools to deal with them!!!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Good stuff! I will get that book, I think the only parenting book I have not yet read, lol.
Any suggestions on dealing with Julia who just turned one and is the aggressor?
We seriously started time outs with Jace at 1.
I know that's young but he's a smart kid and he sees his brother being disciplined so he's got a submersion opportunity to learn about consequences to behaviors by watching him.
He knew what the time out chair was by watching Dylan put in it so one day I put him in it, sat by his feet with my back to him and counted down his 2 minutes so he understood what was going on.
It didn't take him long to get the hang of it and again I think that's because he'd seen his brother get time outs in the time out chair. He didn't even try to get down.
Once he understood the concept time out could take place anywhere and more involved me with my back to him (removing the attention that he was seeking from the misbehavior) than him actually sitting in a specific chair.
I usually follow that kind of thing up with "If you want Mommy's attention please ask me for it instead of being mean."
It didn't take long before they'd say to me "MOM! I want TENSIONS!!!" (attention)
Then I could tell them when I could give them the attention they were seeking.
Once they understood that asking actually yielded the attention they sought the "mean" behavior dropped off substantially.
They still revert back to it but a reminder that being mean isn't how to get Mom's attention usually gets them back on track pretty quick.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
How soon we forget what we did with #1. I started TO with C at 1 as well. For some reason J seems like such a baby at one to me!
She can handle a TO. Your style sounds just like mine. I like it.
Thanks for the support and advice.
I can't remember what it was like when E was 1..........
My issue is E now. She wants a lot of attention (middle child syndrome), and so she acts up. I use 1-2-3 Magic and it's been working. I also try and schedule one on one time with just E........
We're obviously not there yet with Clara, but I just wanted to say I really like the Love & Logic book, too.
Sometimes Clara will pull Ellie's hair and Ellie reacts but isn't mean, and I always praise her for being patient with her sister and that Clara just doesn't know better. I know that time is fleeting, though!