I feel like crap because I will have to work once my child is born.

Lapsfam · January 2010

I feel really crappy and guilty. I live outside Boston, and you basically either need a super high-paying job or two incomes to live well here. We need two incomes. I can't afford to be a SAHM.

I also feel guilty. I feel guilty leaving my infant in the care of a day care or nanny. I feel like I won't be able to give the child the attention he/she deserves. I feel like I will miss out on tons of special moments. I feel really bad about myself that I am going to have to work.

Can anyone else relate?

mommyhd · January 2010

I was a full-time college student very close to graduating when I had my son. There was no way I was taking time off from school and missing a semester! I went back to school when he was 6 days old. It was hard, but I didn't miss out on anything! Don't beat yourself up about it!

Dobie_Mama · January 2010

Well, you shouldn't feel crappy or bad about yourself. I work outside of the home. Sometimes it's hard and yeah, I miss my kid. But you know what? You make it work. The hours when you're home together become super important to you. It's amazing how much quality time you can cram into a short period of time. You won't miss out on special moments because the special moments are the one's your baby has with YOU. That's what makes them special.

My DD is two now so she's fully able to tell me what she likes and doesn't like. She loves "school". She's excited to go in the morning and excited when I pick her up. Her life is filled with people who love & care for her and there isn't much more I could ask for. You'll do fine!

a&b=him&me · January 2010

While it hasn't really hit me yet exactly how much I will miss - in order to provide the best possible lives we have to work.

I just looked into this and it turns out that I will only be able to take 2 of the 3 months FMLA because we cannot afford to do the 3rd month with only 1 income. My mom and sister might come down to assist with the 3rd-4th month. Do you have any family that would be able to help at first?

(waiting to see experienced thoughts on this).

Mrs.Handy · January 2010

Both my parents worked full-time from the time I was born until now and I don't feel like they missed out on anything and were anything less than good parents.

a&b=him&me · January 2010

reading all the comments makes you feel better.

What about telecommuting a few days a week?

pixy_stix · January 2010

I'm fairly certain I'd go insane if I was a SAHM.

KellyG6279 · January 2010

Going back to work after DS was born was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. I was in the middle of a residency and had to beg for 6 weeks off which I ended up making up at the end and delaying graduation. That being said, you will realize that it's not that bad. You really learn to appreciate your evening hours before bed and the weekends. DH and I are always looking forward to the weekends so we can spend every minute with DS.

WaitingOnAMiracle · January 2010

I would LOVE to be a SAHM but it wont be possible for us either. But, I dont feel guilty. I would feel guilty staying at home when I cant afford to and my child being hungry. I will be going back to work to help provide for him/her.

If you cant afford to stay home the last thing you should do is feel guilty. You're doing it for you baby. It will be tough at first, but you'll be fine

LCB34 · January 2010

pixy_stix:
I'm fairly certain I'd go insane if I was a SAHM.

Me too.

katorigasuki · January 2010

you'll need to start coming to terms with this. if you're already upset about it, it's going to be even harder when you actually have to do it.

it's never easy. but if you can't afford to live without the 2nd income, what choice to you have. your child will be just fine, and you'll still get to do all those special things with him or her. i didn't miss my son's first words, or first steps. your baby will still be yours.

hang in there. find other moms at your work place to lean on. it helps a lot.

drewiekc · January 2010

Dont feel bad! You are working so that you can provide the best life possible for your children. That is nothing to feel guilty over. I will be returning to work as well after my maternity leave. I know it will be hard to leave the LO, but it's just how it has to be. We live well within our means, but our lifestyle dictates two incomes. Sure, we could have chosen to live in a cheaper house, but we bought our house so that we could be in a certain school district and within the attendance area of a specific high school (we plan to stay in this house long term). And as sad as it is, to be in this location costs $$$. We dont look at it as depriving our kids of having a SAHM, we look at it as affording them more educational opportunities once they are school age.

Dont beat yourself up, you will be a great mom, and you will be providing for your child!

kellielea79 · January 2010

I haven't talked to my boss yet so I'm not 100% certain this will be possible but what I'd like to do is go back to work 3 days a week. So I'd get a little more time at home w/ the LO but still keep my sanity by getting out of the house. Hubs and I only want one child so it's extremely important to me to not miss out on anything and soak it all up while I can b/c we won't be experiencing a baby again.

jellybelly03 · January 2010

I live in Boston, so I hear you. That said, you cannot know what you're going to feel until the moment is here. Lots of people who really wanted to go back to work find that once it comes to it, they want to stay home; others find that once they have the baby, the prospect of going back to work is not so bad. When I went back with DS, it was really really difficult, especially since I was in a job that required REALLY long hours, so I would go for days without seeing him at all. But now, I like that he goes to "school." He has a great time playing with the other kids, and he learns so much. Would he get some of that if I stayed home? Sure. But I do feel like he has some enrichment from seeing different people. I've also switched jobs, so now I'm really only in work 9-5, which makes a HUGE difference. Now I see DS every morning and every evening for a substantial amount of time. One thing that I also comforted myself with is that if you stay at home, it's not like you're playing with your kids for every second: you're running errands; you're doing things around the house; you're fiddling on the computer. Plus, kids sleep A LOT, so a lot of the time that you're away, your child will be either sleeping or eating, which is not *that* exciting Good luck!!!

ETA: Also, spend some time on the "Working Moms" group - it's really helpful and supportive.

Mrs.Ortega81409 · January 2010

I know exactly how you feel. I'm currently trying to find a way to make it so I can quit my full-time job and find a part-time job but with the way things are right now I'm not sure how easy it would be to find a part-time job. I'm hoping it all works out because I don't like the idea of leaving my child somewhere at 8 in the morning and not seeing them till 7 at night when I get home from work.

kg_08 · January 2010

while it is very important to provide a stable environment for your baby, i can understand your unwillingness to go back to work. one thing about nannies is that at least you can find one that is very qualified so your baby should be in good hands, but if being there for every milestone is that important to you.. maybe you could look into relocating? i know that where i live, the houses are significantly cheaper just 10 minutes outside of town. there are options.. discuss your concerns with DH and come to a conclusion you both are happy with.

CarolEvans · January 2010

kg_08:
while it is very important to provide a stable environment for your baby, i can understand your unwillingness to go back to work. one thing about nannies is that at least you can find one that is very qualified so your baby should be in good hands, but if being there for every milestone is that important to you.. maybe you could look into relocating? i know that where i live, the houses are significantly cheaper just 10 minutes outside of town. there are options.. discuss your concerns with DH and come to a conclusion you both are happy with.

this is what i was going to suggest. if you're really torn about going back to work, maybe relocating is an option for you guys. each choice has its sacrifices, it's about which one is more important to you and your family.

oh, and i went "insane" when my 1st was 9m old and decided to work. got a GREAT job w/ great hours, totally perfect. our results were so absolutely negative i never regetted being a SAHM again! and there are those w/ a very opposite story. i don't i would've like my mom much if she didn't work. you gotta do what's best for YOUR family!

Zista · January 2010

I'm a little different. I'm wrestling with guilt EITHER way.

DH and I don't need the money, but I am the highest paid member of my family. They are all seriously lose-my-house or can-never-retire or I'm-already-on-the-street poor. I worry that not going back to work means I am wasting what all of them would consider a lottery ticket, as well as a lot of god-given talent ( Embarrassed ) that I should be doing more with.

On the other hand, I feel I am best equipped to raise my child. I would feel horribly guilty working all day every day and leaving his/her care in the hands of someone else.

The ideal world for me would be a super-meaningful job I can do under 20 hours a week... and those are SO easy to come by....

mexicolombiana · January 2010

Well, for me we absolutely NEED both incomes, there is no question about whether I will go back to work, it's more like how soon can I get back to work!

My DH and I are both attorneys and we have very high student loan payments and other monthly expenses. Thankfully, we only work 9-5 jobs (which is awesome considering our professions).

I've come to peace with the fact that I have to go back to work right at the end of my 6 weeks off. (I'm sure I will be upset about this later on).

As far as family helping, my mom is very young (she's 49) and started her career as a teacher and now a programmer for a high school late, so she won't be retiring for over 10 years. My MIL is also a teacher and also won't be retiring for over 5 years, so they wo'nt be able to stay home with the baby.

My aunt from Colombia has volunteered to come for about 3 months after my maternity leave and I think we're definitely going to take her up on that offer! I have yet to figure out how I'm going to pump and provide breastmilk for the baby right after my 6 weeks but I guess we'll have to figure it out.

After she leaves another aunt will hopefully come for the next 3 months and maybe by 9/10 months I will be able to find someone I trust to watch the baby in the day time hours.

I'm sure it will be hard to be away from the baby all day but we have no choice given our situation, so we hope to make the best of it.

Good luck!

Mrslove78 · January 2010

Being a working mom is the best!!! As long as you have great child care. You'll see when you have your LO. My baby has BFF's at daycare, it's great! He love the other kids! He goes to a daycare center, and loves this one "teacher" more than all the rest. He loves going to DC, and coming home. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM. I was worried about DS doing all his 1st time stuff at DC. For one, he does all that stuff at home the first time. AND... it turns out 1st time stuff is sooo not importaint. Thought it would be. But... you do have to learn to be orginized. I get everything prepaired for the next day after putting baby to sleep at PM. Cleaning is done then also. Once you get into the grove, it's the best of all worlds. Good for the momma, baby

Mrslove78 · January 2010

a&b=him&me:

reading all the comments makes you feel better.

What about telecommuting a few days a week?

hehe, no. Can't work with a baby around. Not without a nanny.

Heather R · January 2010

I have a hard time not taking this as "Working mothers don't get to bond with their kids and let someone else raise them." So no, I cannot relate.

me92603 · January 2010

I too live outside Boston and DH and I didn't think we could afford for me to stay home with our 1st, so I went back FT when he was 4 months. He was so sick and had so many health issues I was forced to leave my job. We didn't know how we were going to do it, but we did and then when I was pg with #2 DH got a new job making WAY more than I could imagine and now we're fine. My point is, you never know what will happen in the future and you working may just be for a short while. Things always work out. GL

meshaliu · January 2010

pixy_stix:
I'm fairly certain I'd go insane if I was a SAHM.

I'm right there with ya.

CarolEvans · January 2010

Zista:

I'm a little different. I'm wrestling with guilt EITHER way.

DH and I don't need the money, but I am the highest paid member of my family. They are all seriously lose-my-house or can-never-retire or I'm-already-on-the-street poor. I worry that not going back to work means I am wasting what all of them would consider a lottery ticket, as well as a lot of god-given talent () that I should be doing more with.

On the other hand, I feel I am best equipped to raise my child. I would feel horribly guilty working all day every day and leaving his/her care in the hands of someone else.

The ideal world for me would be a super-meaningful job I can do under 20 hours a week... and those are SO easy to come by....

i got crap from my dad for a couple of yrs about staying at home after all my hard work in college and getting a diploma and such. he still doesn't get it but at least has stopped bringing it up. he thinks everyone should work and won't even let my mom get a part time job. it's all about YOUR priorities and what you want out of life. if career is a major part of your life, great! if focusing on home and family is what you want right now, great! if to do the 2nd you have to do the first, great! but do what YOU and YOUR husband wants and thinks is best, not what others think you should do.

SaraF30 · January 2010

Don't feel guilty; I live in California which is the same story. Even do I would like to stay at home with my baby but I can't afford it. Just think that you will be able to provide for him/her. which one would be better, being at home and constantly nervous if you can make ends meat or being comfortable that your baby is being well taken care of. You will have plenty of quality time to spend with him/her. In the mean while, do some research, explore your options and see if there is a way for you to work from home. Good luck and don't beat yourself up. There are plenty of wonderful working moms out there. You won't be the only one.

Pumpkin&Roo · January 2010

Dropping DD off for daycare was very hard the first day, but honestly now that she's almost 3 she has SO much more fun at school than she does at home. There are just lots of kids her age to play with, which she loves, and she's not there for really long days because I start work pretty late and DH gets off pretty early. Try to work something like that into your schedule.

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I feel like crap because I will have to work once my child is born.

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