Babies: 3 - 6 Months

I'm afraid I am spoiling DS

He HATES his play time. Always wants to be held and cries when I set him down to get a little house work done. I've tried different activities: swing, bouncer,johnny jump up,exerciser with toys, walker, etc. He just cries till I pick him up, he'll cry for an hour and it kills me to hear him suffer. I pick him up and he stops immediately, wasn't hungry or sleepy, or wet, etc.

Doc says he needs to just cry it out and he'll stop but he doesn't and I feel like a horrible mom hearing my son cry and doing nothing. I am a SAHM and online student but start student teaching in two weeks when MIL will start to babysit and I'm nervous about how that will go.

Do any of your LO's do this or did this at one time. I need advice or simple support. Crying

Re: I'm afraid I am spoiling DS

  • IMO ... @ 5 months he should be happy to have independent time.  Sounds like an intervention is needed.   GL.
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  • afgafg member

    You let him cry for an hour before you pick him up?

    If DD is this way, it means that something is going on - is he teething? tired? 

    have you tried to put him in a carrier?

  • DD#1 was like that.  She was always held, carried, worn.  I co slept.  I didn't let her cry.  She did crawl late and walk late, but before she was 2 she was able to keep up with the 3 and 4 yr olds.  She is independent and will play for hours a day alone, with the babies or with me.  I never denied her being held whenn she wanted it.  I do the same-as best as I can- with the twins. 

    My policy is my babies are my boss until they have been on the outside as long as they were on the inside.  Keeps me happy and relaxed because by then they work it out a bit.  I think you need to let the doc tend to baby's medical needs, and as mommy do what you believe is right for emotional needs. 

    To get a break I play with them with a bunch of toys, and once they begin exploring the toys stand up and do the dishes, pee or whatever.  I also cycle them through the exersaucetr and jumperoo and the floor with toys.  If they feel needy, I just do someting with them, but try to keep them happy without holding them.  Good luck!

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  • Has it always been like this or has it started recently?  DD has become a little more clingy as she's started teething and is in pain.  She is content to play on her own as long as you are in the room with her.  As soon as you step out to go to the bathroom, etc then she starts fussing and as soon as you walk back into the room she is happy and smiling.
  • He's always been like this. I put him in a carrier in order to get a few chores done, he does the best in there but after 20 min's he starts fussing again. I've talked to our pedi about it after 3 months when colic is supposed to pass and he says just let him cry. I've tried and oce let it go for an hour but I can't bear him being so miserable. I pray when he starts to crawl he'll be able to amuse humself for a little bit.
  • Every baby is different and he just sounds like he likes to cuddle.  I understand this is probably very frustrating for you though! 
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  • imageafg:

    You let him cry for an hour before you pick him up?

    If DD is this way, it means that something is going on - is he teething? tired? 

    have you tried to put him in a carrier?

    Ditto all of this. 

    DS just likes to be held so we use carriers a lot (moby, mei tai, ergo). But I can put him down (as long as he's fed and happy) for a bit to play unless he's having a really bad day (cranky from reflux, teething, etc). I can't imagine just putting him down and letting him cry.  The minute he starts to fuss I quickly finish what I was doing if it needs to be finished right then and pick him up. He's never cried to just let him cry.

  • afgafg member

    imageStaceySnGeorgia:
    He's always been like this. I put him in a carrier in order to get a few chores done, he does the best in there but after 20 min's he starts fussing again. I've talked to our pedi about it after 3 months when colic is supposed to pass and he says just let him cry. I've tried and oce let it go for an hour but I can't bear him being so miserable. I pray when he starts to crawl he'll be able to amuse humself for a little bit.

    DD doesn't like being alone for too long so I'll move her exercauser or rocking chair or whatever to where I'm doing something - laundry, wash bottles etc and I just make sure that I talk to her constantly so she knows I'm not ignoring her.  Sometimes I have to make big exagerated voices or gestures but it works and I can get things done. 

    Have you tried something like that? 

    Also to help with the MIL babysitting issue (or it may not be an issue) - can you invite her over for a playdate on afternoon so he can play with both of you?

  • imageStaceySnGeorgia:
    . I've talked to our pedi about it after 3 months when colic is supposed to pass and he says just let him cry.

    Wait, your pedi actually said that after 3 months just let him cry...for an hour? Yikes. I'd take issue with that.

  • I completely understand what you're going through. DD was like this--very clingy and needing my full, undivided attention--for the first 8 months. It was HARD, and I wish I could give you a hug, because I know exactly what you're dealing with. The only way I was able to get things done was to either wear her in the Snugli carrier, (that would work for about half an hour) or when I was cleaning/making dinner, I'd bring her jumperoo and set it RIGHT next to me, and keep talking to her. That didn't always work, she still would fuss sometimes, but I just did what I had to do. But right around 8 months, she suddenly got a lot better, and didn't need me as much. As crazy as it sounds, I started to miss all the cuddle time as she got more independent. :) Now she's 28 months, and seriously little miss independent--has been for a long time now. 

    And, in case you're afraid of EVER having more kids, (I was!) DS is totally the opposite--very happy and content--thank God. :) Every child is different.. just trust your instincts and do the best you can. :) GL to you!

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  • imageStaceySnGeorgia:
    He's always been like this. I put him in a carrier in order to get a few chores done, he does the best in there but after 20 min's he starts fussing again. I've talked to our pedi about it after 3 months when colic is supposed to pass and he says just let him cry. I've tried and oce let it go for an hour but I can't bear him being so miserable. I pray when he starts to crawl he'll be able to amuse humself for a little bit.

    i'm so sorry. it's so hard. i have been there and probably will be again once teething starts for DD. if he is in the carrier and starts fussing i would just leave him in there to fuss a little until you get what you need to get done. at least that way he is with you and you are keeping him close to your body where he is safe and secure. i used to let DD CIO in my arms all the time. it's better than leaving her to do it on her own. sometimes your mother's instinct will rightfully win over a pedi's advice. they do not know your LO and have nothing invested in your relationship with him and therefore have nothing to lose by telling you to just let him cry. bad advice, IMO. especially when he just wants to be near you and cuddled. i hope things get better for you because it's so hard to get things done- even pee or cook (you HAVE to eat) or pay a bill- when they are like that. GL.

  • and no, you are absolutely not spoiling DS!!!!!!!!!!
  • Thanks SOO much ladies. After hearing what you all have to say I think I will trust my instincts and maybe even look for a new pedi.

    I think I just needed to hear it from other mothers and know one day it will get better  and maybe have MIL over for a full day so she sees what we do so I know at least she knows what i'd like. haha

    Again thanks so much, time and time again this board has made this new mom feel better and more equipped!!

     

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