Any ideas about what I can do for my friend??

beebe929 · January 2010

She has the D&C on Thursday and her DH will be out of town over the weekend (can't be avoided). She will be staying with her sister over the weekend. I don't know what her recovery will be like and if it changes it all if your are farther along in your pgcy?

(Side note, I was surprised she was having a D&C and not having to deliver, is there some cut off point? The baby was measuring small, but she would have been 23 wks)

I was thinking of dropping off some things on Thursday. I was thinking maybe a selection of muffins/bagels from Panera, maybe some flowers??

Or should I just send flowers? Send food? Stay far away?

choco_lab · January 2010

Personally, I don't think I'd want flowers. I think a phone call would be nice and maybe a card. She's just going to need some time to heal and will need to know her friends are there for her.

manda429 · January 2010

oh dear, that's terrible. I'm so sad for her. if it was me, I might like to be distracted with a chic flick or something else mindless.

Christakim · January 2010

How about making her a "basket of stuff". Maybe put some nice Bath and Body Works lotions in there with baked goods and a nice card? I would appreciate someone thinking of me like that.

GuitaristsGirl · January 2010

23 weeks? Oh my. Yeah, at 20 weeks I had to deliver. Heartbreaking.

Anyway. I think I'd stay away (perhaps send a card), then plan on dropping food off at the door a time or two once she gets home. Even if her physical recovery isn't bad (no idea), she'll appreciate not having to think about eating from an emotional standpoing.

T&P with your friend.

itsmevkb · January 2010

I wanted to say that I would have loved had someone been thoughtful enough to send me flowers. I'm actually a little shocked and hurt by how many people have not even sent so much as a card to my husband and me.

I did deliver and I was 14 weeks so I'm surprised that they are willing to do a D&C but I suppose we don't know if she insisted. Being asked to deliver a dead baby is a horrible thing and I can imagine that many women refuse and so for the mom's mental health the doc agrees to the D&C. I was surprised by how tired and physically weak I was after the delivery. I'm sure a lot of that is driven by all the sadness but I also lost a lot of blood so now I'm anemic and that makes me feel weak. It's good that your friend is staying with her sister.

I'm not certain that I would have wanted to have seen anyone right after my delivery but within a few days I was happy that some friends stopped by to talk. Each one expressed their sadness and then asked if I wanted to talk. I thought that was nice and that they listened was also nice since I'm sure that wasn't easy for them.

Last night a neighbor dropped by with a fully cooked dinner and I will forever be thankful to her for that.

So, my advice, do whatever you want but just be sure to do something. She needs you. And, she may need you even more days and weeks after and not just the day of the procedure.

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