"i don't care if i have a

babynumberone · January 2010

boy or girl...as long as the baby is healthy"

do you really believe this when you hear/say it? i totally get wanting a healthy baby above anything else...but come on!

what do you think?

summerbrideDC · January 2010

Yeah, I really do believe it. It's how I feel. After TTC for this long, a healthy baby is all you really care about. I don't even allow myself the luxury of hoping for one or the other. Just a healthy baby.

I don't begrudge those who do have a preference by any means. But it doesn't matter to me.

firefightersgal · January 2010

After my m/c--totally. I could honestly care less about the gender if we are lucky enough to have another.

sarahslost · January 2010

I don't really believe people who say this, no. I'd be more inclined to with a first baby, I guess, but I can't believe that a person doesn't have even the teeniest bit of preference. That doesn't mean they'll get all upset if it doesn't work out that way. And I do think that preference increases for subsequent children, for whatever reason.

wanderlustmom · January 2010

I think for some it really is true. It is for DH. He was happy to have all boys or all girls, he just wanted two.

I really, really wanted one of each gender and after we had our boy and girl, I still wanted more. DH said he would have said yes to a third if we had had two of the same sex to appease me but since we had a boy and girl, he felt it was fair to stop. I think his logic is fuzzy, but I'm counting my blessings, he's a great guy and I love our kids.

It is funny though, no one ever asks if we are having more. I think people assume most would want to stop after one of each but not me, I would have had three of four. I guess the one bright side is I don't want to be asked since it's a sore subject for me because I want more!

And I get sad thinking my son won't have a brother and my daughter won't have a sister so there is no perfect INMO.

hopefulmom · January 2010

I believe it when people have had a hard time conceiving...but for those that conceive like rabbits...no...not so much (unless they already have a boy and a girl of course). I think a lot of people say it so they are not disappointed when it is not the sex they really wanted.

kancell724 · January 2010

I think it is true. I had a m/c also so I felt this way when trying to get pregnant with #1. Once I was pregnant I could never make up my mind with gender I would prefer. We didn't know till delivery and even at that moment I really didn't have a preference.

babynumberone · January 2010

i agree with pp that there might be a difference with people who have struggled with conceiving. i had a m/c after my first daughter so i am not in any way trying to make light of the statement. i just wanted to make that clear!

Brideofranken · January 2010

this was NOT true for me. at all.

the first time around, I wanted a boy- and 2 days before I found out- I was convinced it was a girl, and I was ok with it.

The second time, I was in complete denial that there was even a possibility of having a boy- because I NEEDED J to have a sister...

but I was wrong. and I was sad. and embarassed at how frivolous of a "problem" that was...

I bet I would have felt differently under different circumstances- but that was my reality.

I still wish J had a sister. I have always wanted one. only now I also wish that W had a brother!

but I am NOT having any more babies! so they both get ripped off!

belle204 · January 2010

Yes. It's how I felt and I think most people really do feel that way. I mean, of course I (or anyone) might prefer one over the other but in the grand scheme of things a healthy baby is more important than the gender. A kid is a kid. I don't see how people get so wrapped up in that.

ilovemygirls · January 2010

It depends on the person. I absolutely felt 100% that way- both times. DH definitely wished for a boy- especially when I was pg w/#2. But he is the best daddy to our girls & he wouldn't change them for the world.

What annoys me is when people have a particular gender & say stupid things like "I just don't know WHAT I would have done with a (boy/girl)". Uh, I think you probably would have figured it out!

excitedchic · January 2010

i just think "...and what if it isnt healthy?"--you wont love it?!?

summerbrideDC · January 2010

excitedchic:
i just think "...and what if it isnt healthy?"--you wont love it?!?

I don't think that's a really fair assessment of the comment. Praying for a healthy baby doesn't mean you won't love a child with special needs or one who struggles with illness. Doesn't everyone want their child to have the easiest road possible in their lives?

It's got nothing to do w/ how much I'd love a child; it has everything to do w/ wanting my child not to have to overcome hardships or have their life endangered by illnesses.

Brideofranken · January 2010

summerbrideDC:

excitedchic:
i just think "...and what if it isnt healthy?"--you wont love it?!?

I don't think that's a really fair assessment of the comment. Praying for a healthy baby doesn't mean you won't love a child with special needs or one who struggles with illness. Doesn't everyone want their child to have the easiest road possible in their lives?

It's got nothing to do w/ how much I'd love a child; it has everything to do w/ wanting my child not to have to overcome hardships or have their life endangered by illnesses.

I totally agree with this- That is not to say you're not going to love a baby if it is not 100% healthy- it just means that you are hoping and wishing for every possible advantage for your child. In addition to really really wanting it to be a girl (lol. j/k)

nobody says they're hoping for a few disadvantages to show themselves on the 20 week ultrasound screen...dummy.

excitedchic · January 2010

i agree with what you guys say: so why even through the "healthy" part in there?!?--Leave it at " I dont care if its a boy or a girl".

Brideofranken · January 2010

excitedchic:
i agree with what you guys say: so why even through the "healthy" part in there?!?--Leave it at " I dont care if its a boy or a girl".

because you CARE that it is healthy. so you say so...its like you're making a wish when you say it.

I DON'T care if its a boy or girl- but I DO want it to be healthy.

stop getting so mad!

wildfloweragain · January 2010

I do believe it and am surprised and the amount of people who can't. There are a lot bigger things than the sex of your baby. It's not like you're one of Henry VIII's wives.

I worry about the health of the baby at times, especially if I take any medication, etc. I do not worry about gender. I definitely want to know, becaus eit helps us plan, pick out names, etc.

Ciarrai · January 2010

Yes, because honestly that's how we feel and kinda always have. We had a scare at DD#2's big u/s where they found a soft marker for Trisomy 18 (a condition where the baby does not survive). Long story, but we opted not to go for further testing b/c she didn't have any of the other more obvious markers for it and we thought the risks associated with an amnio were higher than the chances of her actually having Trisomy 18. She was perfectly healthy, but it was a rough 4 months waiting and praying. Something like that will totally change how you look at the big u/s and having a healthy baby. This time around, the only thing I wanted to hear at that u/s was that they didn't see anything that they weren't supposed to. We actually almost forgot to ask if we were having a boy or girl.

camrude · January 2010

I think for some people this is 110% true. My sister, after having two m/c this year, just wants a healthy baby.

When I was pg with DD (#1), I was all about having a boy. I would say "I'm fine with either as long as it's healthy", but I wanted a boy. When I was pg with #2 I did not care either way.

pincushions · January 2010

camrude:

I think for some people this is 110% true. My sister, after having two m/c this year, just wants a healthy baby.

When I was pg with DD (#1), I was all about having a boy. I would say "I'm fine with either as long as it's healthy", but I wanted a boy. When I was pg with #2 I did not care either way.

Yes

Sunflower777 · January 2010

PMQ:
Sometimes I believe it. I know a few people IRL that are TTC and having GREAT difficulty, I believe they really don't care what the baby is, or even if it's healthy at this point (I think that may stem from them knowing Joey and realizing having a child with a disability may not be as tragic as they, and I, once thought).
I had a preference. Both times I wanted a girl and both times I got a boy, and at both ultrasounds I was disapointed. But I wouldn't change a thing and I have no desire for a third child to "try for a girl".

This was me too. I wanted a girl and got a boy both times. Wouldn't change a thing and I honestly watch my boys now (the youngest is only 10 months) and I really think they are going to be closer because they're the same sex.

It's natural to have a gender preference for some people, of course not all will. But for me it wasn't about disappointment in my child, it was because I knew we wouldn't be having any more children and I was never going to experience having a girl - I had to let go of an experience I wanted that I was never going to have.

Funny thing is, you don't realize how much you're going to love the experience you're "given" until you're living it.

Scooter359 · January 2010

Theres a whole website( I dont remember the name now ) about people who are dissapointed in having one sex over the other, ive gone to it and it literally makes me red in the face I get so mad at these people, so sometimes I beleive it sometimes I dont. For us it was true. It was a blessing that we got pregnant at all so anything that I was given I was glad to receive.

Angela814 · January 2010

Yes, absolutely. While I would love to have a boy, I love having a girl. I would love to have another one so DD can have a sister. I really have no preference this time around. The first time I was hoping for a girl. If I would have had a boy first, I probably would be hoping for a girl this time.

Brewster · January 2010

I got pregnant on the first try with both and I didn't care. Before I was pregnant with #1 I wanted girls. Once I got pg with him though, that wanted was totally gone and I didn't care. With #2 I did not care at all for me or my h. I slightly wanted a boy, but only for Noah's sake and because no matter what we had we were done. For me, I really could not have cared less. I was thrilled with a girl!

wellfleet04 · January 2010

The first time around I wanted a boy and got a girl. The second time I truly did not care because there were positives to both--a sister for Kate, or having one of each.

And of course everyone wants healthy. Has nothing to do with loving the baby you get, just wanting the best for them.

I will say that I also think I cared not at all the second time around because we had some significant health scares with Kate and it really drove home for me how important healthy was and how unimportant boy or girl was. We've had some really scary stuff with Ben, too (possible brain tumors and genetic syndromes with high incidence of childhood cancer) and again, healthy is so much more important to wish for than boy vs girl.

kittycarr · January 2010

Depends on the person. SIL, absolutely not. In fact, she not only stated that but also said she preferred a boy so she didn't have to buy new stuff, but I know that she only said that believing it would "make" her have a girl. And was she sadly mistaken at her 20 week sono the day before Thanksgiving. Poor SIL (note sarcasm)

shouldbworkin · January 2010

I really didn't care either time. The first time around it was my first time around. I didn't know what to expect, so how could I care either way? The second time I had a DS already and would have loved to give him a brother or to have a DD for me. I had a DD and if we TTC #3 I really won't care. Either way it will be great.

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