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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Im desperate at this point!!!
My daughter is approaching 2 1/2 and her behavior and tantrums are out of control! We are VERY loving parents. We dont spank, we do not scream and we certainly do not say terrible things to her! We just want to get her on the right track but nothing is working. She has fits for no reason and will fall to the floor screaming her head off and saying NO! Then she hits sometimes and screams MINE. This is her reaction to simple things like...no you cannot have another snack until dinner or That is dangerous and you cannot touch that, We tried timeouts for awhile but she would just look at us and smirk. then she pretends she is crying and comes to me saying mommy? then i say ok are you going to calm down now and she starts screaming AGAIN! We stopped timeouts and tried just walking away but then she still doesnt stop. Then i thought ignoring is not good and maybe i need to try and talk to her but she just screams again. She is taking over and i dont know how to control it or which tactic to stick with. She is extremely stubborn and i really do not believe she understands half of what im saying cause she is still learnins to converse with us. If i say yes you can have a banana after i change your diaper she FREAKS and im not sure she gets it that she will really get the banana after im done changing her. Please someone help me...im desperate. Sorry for the venting.
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Re: Im desperate at this point!!!
Your situation is too complex to address in a message board reply. However, I think the book Parenting With Love And Logic would really help you. The book is a parenting book aimed at all ages. They also have one that's specific to the toddler years that might help you.
There are some basic things that might help with toddler negativity:
Don't take their behavior personally.
Discipline = teaching. Discipline =/= yelling and punishing. It is entirely possible to discipline your child without yelling or spanking or timeouts. I have done it with both of my kids. (Okay, I confess that once in a blue moon I do get really angry and yell, but this is rare.) This doesn't mean that your child won't get upset and cry as a result of your discipline, though!! You can't be afraid for them to cry and be mad at you.
The best form of discipline is letting your child suffer the consequences of their bad choices. Timeout is not a natural consequence of anything. A natural consequence of being a pain when it's time to get out of the tub is that it takes a long time for Mommy to dry you off, which means not having time for a story before bed.
Toddlers always need two choices, both of which are acceptable to the parents. Example: do you want yogurt or applesauce for a snack? Nope. cookies isn't a choice today. The only choices are yogurt, applesauce, or nothing. If you don't say "yogurt" or "applesauce" then your choice is nothing. You are still being a loving parent by dealing with your child in this matter-of-fact way. If they choose "nothing" or refuse to make a choice,or keep on yelling for cookies, you don't have to punish or get angry. You can then say, "Gee, sweetie -- looks like you made an unhappy choice this time. All kids do that sometimes. I'm sorry your choice didn't make you happy. Next time you'll do better. You're growing into a real big girl now and I'm proud of you!" Then walk away and say nothing. She will cry, but it was HER CHOICE! No further words or punishment are necessary.
Doing the above will really quickly cut down on the toddler drama you have to deal with.
If you are doing all the things recommended in Love and Logic, and your child is still really difficult and out of control, you should seek a referral to a child psychologist because it could be that your child has some mild issue that makes discipline hard that could be dealt with before kindergarten! Good luck!
This may be way off, but is she getting enough sleep (at night and naps?)? I notice that my DS throws way more tantrums and has meltdowns when he is going to bed later than normal or his naps are getting cut short. We tried to move his bedtime just 30 minutes 7:30 from 7:00 and that was a BAD idea! His personality in general changes when he's not getting enough or good sleep.
I know every kid is different, so this may not be the case at all for yours.
Good luck!
she sleeps from 7:30 to 7:30 with no wakeups. sometimes she naps but sometimes she doesnt. I always offer one. Im not worried about sleep since she gets 12 every night.
we ask all the time ...what are we doing wrong? everyone tells us how loving we are and we always tell her when she is being good and reward her for positive behavior! i just dont get it!