Does anyone find it hard to talk to their pregnant friends?

Re: Does anyone find it hard to talk to their pregnant friends?

• pepomntpat member

  January 2010

  I think that is very insensitive of her especially after you told her how you feel about it.  I would tell her again that you love her, but all this pregnancy talk makes you sad and that if she cares about you she will knock it off. If she can't do that, then she isn't much of a friend.  I mean do you bombard her with m/c statistics?
  

  

  
  
  
  
  

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• ColindaP member

  January 2010

  I find it really hard to talk to friends who've just had babies or are pg. I have a very good friend who I shared an EDD with the first time. I admit i have seen her and her baby twice since she had him on Sept 9. I email and text her but it's just so freaking hard. It wasn't that hard after my first loss; not that bad after my second. But now after 3 and a really depressing diagnosis, it is just so so hard for me to be around her or any other friends who are pg or just had a baby. Unless I know that they struggled w/ losses/IF too. Which makes me feel like a total scum-sucking bottom-dweller, but it is what it is. I've decided that for a little while at least, I will allow myself to be selfish and look out for me first. I *have* to, or I will snap.

  Clicky ticky

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• JenPVH

  January 2010

  I am couped up in a room with 2 other coworkers - 1 just became pregnant and she is such an open book about it. 

  I am the quiet one here now.

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• kshields104

  January 2010

  ColindaP:

  I find it really hard to talk to friends who've just had babies or are pg. I have a very good friend who I shared an EDD with the first time. I admit i have seen her and her baby twice since she had him on Sept 9. I email and text her but it's just so freaking hard. It wasn't that hard after my first loss; not that bad after my second. But now after 3 and a really depressing diagnosis, it is just so so hard for me to be around her or any other friends who are pg or just had a baby. Unless I know that they struggled w/ losses/IF too. Which makes me feel like a total scum-sucking bottom-dweller, but it is what it is. I've decided that for a little while at least, I will allow myself to be selfish and look out for me first. I *have* to, or I will snap.

  This is what bothers about my friend.  DH and I were trying for 11 months and m/c.  She was trying for like 3 months and it is all she talks about.  Also when I m/c, she said to me, well you did get married first, maybe I should have the baby first.  We were married 8 weeks apart.  Not a big deal.  I think she is just so wrapped up in herself and I may try to talk to her once more, but I just do not have the strength to talk to her.  Even when I try to avoid talking to her about her pregnancy, she finds somehow to throw it in.  Sorry, it is just I have to vent, because I feel bad that I am avoiding her, but I need to grieve on my own and move forward.

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• Mrs.Kristen

  January 2010

  Not just friends but anyone who is pregnant or has a newborn. I will for the most part avoid them...People who haven't had a loss don't understand how you can't be around pg people and often just ignore the request for the lack of information.

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• carynmp member

  January 2010

  My best friend is pregnant right now.  It is a little hard because lately she has been giving me advice.  Like the other day when I KNEW I was getting AF - she said "look what happened to me.  I thought I had AF and then I got p/g".  But I know my body and knew AF was coming.  She also gave a book on fertility to read.  I want to remind her that she and I have both been pregnant the same amount of times and that I don't want advice right now.

  And it is hard.  I love her and will love her baby so much - but I just want it to be my turn.

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• kona08

  January 2010

  Yes... my BF and SIL are both due two weeks before we were due.  I have yet to see both of them.  I am not looking forward to it and will continue to put it off as long as I can.  As mentioned in my previous post, my SIL and BIL failed to invite us to the yearly xmas party and I was pretty miffed.  You are absolutely in your right to feel as you do.  I am sorry you have to go through this.  HUGS

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• kshields104

  January 2010

  kona08:

  Yes... my BF and SIL are both due two weeks before we were due.  I have yet to see both of them.  I am not looking forward to it and will continue to put it off as long as I can.  As mentioned in my previous post, my SIL and BIL failed to invite us to the yearly xmas party and I was pretty miffed.  You are absolutely in your right to feel as you do.  I am sorry you have to go through this.  HUGS

  I am so sorry you are going through that.  Sometimes people are just so immature.  Hugs to you. 

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• schen0510

  January 2010

  I also have a hard time with this.  I have a friend that is pg with her second and while she doesn't talk about it the things that she does say to dance around it almost make it worse.  I hate that she is this way and when I see her name come up on caller id I do avoid sometimes.  I am just not always in the mood.
  

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• jprovo

  January 2010

  YES!!  I am a teacher and two of my close friends, who I met through teaching, are both PG.  We all eat lunch together and at times I have a hard time sitting with them.  They are terrific friends and limit the PG conversation and always ask what's going on with me and my situation. My first day back at work after the mc was weird and I told both of my friends that I am still happy for them but just need time.  For this I am grateful!  However, we were all due within weeks of each other and it is difficult to see their bellies growing.  I must admit, at times I am jealous of them.  Then I just remind myself that hopefully when they return to work next fall, I will be leaving to take my maternity leave!! 

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• akminime

  January 2010

  I actually just stopped talking to a friend at work who is pg.  I am a teacher, and we were pretty close before this.  I didn't tell anyone that I was pg, but she actually asked one day.  She is due about 6 days after my EDD, and I don't even want to talk to her really.  I feel mean about it, but I really don't even want to see her.  She doesn't even talk about it, it's just too hard to see her right now seeing as we would have been at the same place in our pregnancies.
  

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• KristinaA620

  January 2010

  I have a hard time with it too. I had to "hide" status updates on FB from my pg friends and I also avoid calls. Some days it is just too hard to hear about how they are getting ready for a baby when I should be doing that too. To make it worse, they each got pg the 1st month of trying and are doing fine. I am happy for them but it is just hard for me.

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• Mrs.Kristen

  January 2010

  KristinaA620:

  I have a hard time with it too. I had to "hide" status updates on FB from my pg friends and I also avoid calls. Some days it is just too hard to hear about how they are getting ready for a baby when I should be doing that too. To make it worse, they each got pg the 1st month of trying and are doing fine. I am happy for them but it is just hard for me.

   

  I like you have had to hide certain peoples status messages....one never really posted about her pg and all of a sudden posted about finding out the sex of the baby and I had to hide all her messages from that point on. won't respond to emails either at this point

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• heathergirl67 member

  January 2010

  She's a jerk for ignoring your requests.  Big time.  I'd ignore her.  I don't hang out with people who intentionally hurt me.  If you must talk to her, go into graphic detail about your miscarriage and the emotional trauma.  Go on and on and on about how common it is, how many people you know who had late-term losses or stillbirths, etc.  Turnabout is fair play.

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• kshields104

  January 2010

  heathergirl67:

  She's a jerk for ignoring your requests.  Big time.  I'd ignore her.  I don't hang out with people who intentionally hurt me.  If you must talk to her, go into graphic detail about your miscarriage and the emotional trauma.  Go on and on and on about how common it is, how many people you know who had late-term losses or stillbirths, etc.  Turnabout is fair play.

  wow, i never even thought of flipping the table like that.  thank you for that.  you are one tough cookie girl!!!

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• angw79

  January 2010

  I definitely can not talk to SIL and don't really want to be around her. I have a friend who is also pg and while I don't have any problems talking to her (she doesn't even mention her pg around me) it is getting more difficult to see her in person. It reminds me of my little one lost.
  

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• CCross22 member

  January 2010

  I have such a hard time with this, too. I couldn't just "hide" status updates, I actually deleted them...all. There were about 18-20 of them who were pregnant or just had babies. I logged in to MySpace the other day (first time in 6+ months) and found 4 more of my friends are pregnant and I didn't know anything about it. Another friend I knew was pregnant (who is a week ahead of where I would have been) found out that she is having a boy and has posted all the u/s photos and his name.

  Ugh. Knife straight into my heart........

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• kshields104

  January 2010

  CCross22:

  I have such a hard time with this, too. I couldn't just "hide" status updates, I actually deleted them...all. There were about 18-20 of them who were pregnant or just had babies. I logged in to MySpace the other day (first time in 6+ months) and found 4 more of my friends are pregnant and I didn't know anything about it. Another friend I knew was pregnant (who is a week ahead of where I would have been) found out that she is having a boy and has posted all the u/s photos and his name.

  Ugh. Knife straight into my heart........

  OMG.  I am so sorry. My friend texts me her u/s pics and was like if the situation was reversed,, I would want you to do that to me.  No, you would not and nor would I do that. 

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• aksVA

  January 2010

  I avoid pregnant people and friends with newborns as much as I can without hurting friendships.  Even those with 1-year-olds I can't deal with sometimes.  They are just so darn HAPPY and post stuff on their blogs and it makes me sad.  I feel like a bitter biatch but hey, I am!
  

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• sunshine610 member

  January 2010

  I'll do you one better (worse?) - I can't even look at them. BF, SIL, three co-workers. Avoid, avoid, avoid. BF had a hard time struggling with IF and I feel like the biggest bitter b*tch of all time that I can't celebrate with her, but I just can't do it. Someone told me that if you have good days where you feel okay and like you can ask questions and talk about it, go out of your way to do it. Hopefully that will make up for the times that you can't. That being said...I can't believe your friend is totally ignoring your feelings on this. I say take care of yourself and keep avoiding her.

  

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