- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Single Parents
I need some input...please!
H started off seeing dd every day, then it turned into skipping a day, which turned into skipping a couple of days, he got up to skipping 3 and coming on the 4th day.
Since we have not gone to court,(haven't even filed) right now, everything has been between us. He can come whenever he wants, but it makes me mad that he can go for that long without seeing dd.
He says he doesn't want to see me, and uses that as his excuse not to see her.
He has never given her a bath, never fed her solids, and has only taken her anywhere on his own once. Any ideas of what visitation would be?
Right now, he says its up to me, but I'm not sure what the court will order. I was thinking something along the lines of every wed, for 3 hours, then every other weekends for 6 hours saturday and sunday. I am really not comfortable with overnights, and am hoping to push them off as long as possible. My mom, and Hs mom are both wanting supervised visitation, but I'm not sure if it needs to go that far.
I of course don't know since he's moved out of the house, but he had gotten drunk to the point of throwing up as recently as Thanksgiving night (He moved out Dec.8th.).-I was at work and my mom ended up having to watch dd. This is in part why I'm not comfortable with overnights.
Anyone have any insight as to what visiting might be. I know it's different for every situation/state.
I will be calling for lawyers this week, I'm not looking forward to paying for one, especially since I don't have a job at the moment!
Sorry this got so long, and rambly. Thanks for reading!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need some input...please!
How old is your DD? Stilla baby, right? If you do not think supervised visits i necessary I wouldn't push for them. You know what is right for your child more than anyone else. SOme states do not give overnights to NCP until a certain age and given his record I think you will be good there.
Have you two discussed a parenting plan? He may be agreeable to what you propose and if he goes to court he probably won't get much more. That could save you two a LOT of money. He would probably get EOW and a couple hour midweek visit at the most anyway..
Also, for he supervised visits you would have to make him seem really sh1tty in the process. If he isn't are you willing to do that?
I agree on documenting everything! I have a binder that I keep and one section are calendar pages for each month that I track all of his visits. Its eye opening to see it on a calendar vs just written down. Then I also document contact from him, arguments he has, visits he cancels, returns early etc... This documentation has really helped me with lawyer on several occasions when trying to remember things. One thing my lawyer has me do is to document via email- like if we have a phone conversation, argument etc... she wants me to email him (and set up your email to save your sent msgs) saying like "per our conversation today, you agreed to ...... or you said......" this has helped me as well. Showed that I had asked him for reimbursement of med bills 10 times, or how i have tried to involve him in her therapy, care etc....
Also document his claim as to not wanting to see you, which is why he claims he doesn't see your daughter. This is a big one because when you get divorced everything is about the best interest of the child and him being immature and not wanting to see you.....the judge will laugh in his face! He needs to get used to it- you have a baby together- you will have to "see" eachother for quite some time. The court looks for "co-parenting"- parents who can work together for the best interest of the child. this is big to them. Document what you can about his drinking etc...
My lawyer had me fill out some forms, sort or journaling in a way and it was amazing what I recalled as I sat and wrote. A lot was used in our divorce but it was also therapeutic in many way too. I had to write about what went wrong in our marriage. Who played what role. And the role each of us played as parents to our dd. THere was more that I can't remember, but this helped me a lot and helped the lawyer see things too- like you, my ex had never fed her, bathed her etc...And had never had her for more than 2-3 hours.
As for visitation, have you asked what he is looking for? Maybe he isn't even comfortable with overnights yet... Asking him this ahead of time, you guys may be able to work out an agreement before you go to court. I think that offering a mid week visit like you said and then weekend time. For us it was 2 saturdays a month we worked up to an all day visit by expanding by a few hours each time. Then the next weekend saturday and sunday 1-7so she went with him part of the day and then came home for bed, went back in the am. Then that arrangement was 2 weekends per month, but he never took it exactly as that.
Have you talked to a lawyer at all yet? Most of the time you get a free consult that steers you in the right direction.... some people have used mediation (one lawyer together) but if you anticipate things being messy with custody, debt, child support,your home etc... I suggest each having you own lawyer. WE started with a mediator and as soon as she started talking about how much ex would pay, he thought she was biased and wanted his own lawyer, which in hindsight, worked well for us and mostly for dd.
Good luck to you!!
H won't really talk to me, his response to everything is 'I don't know'. At this point, I really think he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants to run around as though he's single and just leave me and dd waiting until hes ready to settle down again. He makes NO sense at all.
He has said he will give me whatever I want. As for visitation i don't know what he wantrs. Onee.` minute he's saying he wants to see dd everyday, or as much as possibl
H won't really talk to me, his response to everything is 'I don't know'. At this point, I really think he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants to run around as though he's single and just leave me and dd waiting until hes ready to settle down again. He makes NO sense at all.
He has said he will give me whatever I want. As for visitation i don't know what he wantrs. One minute he's saying he wants to see dd everyday, or as much as possible, and yet he's going 4 days without seeing her. He knows that I'm not ready for overnight stays and really didn't say much. I've not said anything to him about supervised visitation, simply because I'm still not convinced they are needed.
He wants to be able to pick up dd and take her to his apartment, instead of coming to our house to see her, but I'm trying to push tha off for when we go to court. At this point I don't trust him, nor do I know where he lives.
I am going to be calling around for a lawyer sometime this week. I don't even have A
JOBH won't really talk to me, his response to everything is 'I don't know'. At this point, I really think he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants to run around as though he's single and just leave me and dd waiting until hes ready to settle down again. He makes NO sense at all.
He has said he will give me whatever I want. As for visitation i don't know what he wantrs. One minute he's saying he wants to see dd everyday, or as much as possible, and yet he's going 4 days without seeing her. He knows that I'm not ready for overnight stays and really didn't say much. I've not said anything to him about supervised visitation, simply because I'm still not convinced they are needed.
He wants to be able to pick up dd and take her to his apartment, instead of coming to our house to see her, but I'm trying to push tha off for when we go to court. At this point I don't trust him, nor do I know where he lives.
I am going to be calling around for a lawyer sometime this week. I don't even have a job right now, and I'm not even sure how long it will take me to find one.
Thanks for all of the tips. I will start documenting everything.
If you are not able to trust him, don't know where he lives etc.. and are anxious about him taking the baby to his place, maybe supervised visits are whats needed at first? Did you say both your mom and his mom feel that supervised visits are needed? Whats their reasoning?
Check into legal aid in your state. I also know in my state one of the law schools has a law clinic. Calling a divorce attorney may help too- explain that you have no job and see if they can tell you who to call etc...
You also need to go to court to start getting child support since you are separated. And keep track of any money he gives you or things he buys for dd like formula, diapers etc...
This exactly. I would think since DD is so young you would definitely not want to do overnights but that is just my opinion. I agree also about documenting everything. If you feel strongly that he shouldn't be alone with DD you need to make a case for that. XH only has supervised visits but he broke in doors and used drugs and I took pics of all this and my lawyer has record of this. He would also like to take DS and not have me around because it is too "hard" but I agree-tough sh*t because you made your bed. I am also still EBF so this makes it a non-issue as far as custody. In my situation I document each time X doesn't show and keep record of it. I also keep every text and/or e-mail that he says he can't see me (so therefore he is saying he can't see DS) or says that he will stay out of our lives. So far he has missed well over half of his scheduled visits. The schedule that he is supposed to have is three days a week for three hrs, supervised in my home unless we agree upon something else.