family staying with you after the birth

ifoundhim! · January 2010

DH and I got into a conversation last night after he hung up with his Mom about visitors staying with us after the birth. We have a 2 bdrm apt and the second bedroom is going to become LO's nursery. There will still be a queen sized bed in her room (because we are moving 3 months after the birth, and so will not bother to put it in storage), but this is still baby's room and NOT a guest room.

My immediate family is 7 hrs away by car/1 hour by flight. DHs family is across the country. We live in a large city and the hotel rooms are expensive ($200-300/night and up). They will want to see the baby (and I want them to) but this is my first pregnancy and I have no idea what the recovery will be like. Do I need to set bounds now? My initial thought was to wait until LO gets here before anyone books tickets since even the EDD can be a 2-3 week window.

Bashert628 · January 2010

I would say no to them...while it's nice they want to come, let them splurge on a hotel room.

carolrohrsetzer · January 2010

My mom lives in Brazil and starting in May DH gets super busy at work so my mom is coming and staying for 2 months she will be a great help since I dont know how long it will be till I am recovered ( hoping for a quick one ) plus she can help me with the house and the baby.

DH's family lives close to us and I am sure they will stop by frequentely. I am taking 17 weeks of maternity leave so I am excited about having company and DH is too so she can be less worried about us when he has to work crazy hours after the baby is born.

LouRN09 · January 2010

I have never done this before, but one of the last things I am going to want to do when home with a new LO is to entertain or play hostess. I would def. NOT invite people to stay with you (esp since their room would be the nursery!?) I have a feeling for the first few days I will want it to be just me, DH, and LO anyway so we have some time to slightly adjust before I start having anyone over (including my mom, MIL, or sister). I would def set bounds now.

smorzandoj · January 2010

DH and I have to have this convo as well. My parents are in town so that is no issue. His parents are divorce so we still have two sets of people that will want to be here. One thing we have semi-decided on is not to call anyone until after the baby is here unless something is wrong. In terms of them coming to visit DH has two weeks off when the baby comes - I would like to first day or two home without the inlaws...which would be day 5 or 6 after he has to stop working. After that I don't care as long as his parents don't overlap becuase that would be awkward - he has to set the law down as to who comes when.

GL!

MrsEricH · January 2010

How long after the birth would they be staying with you? Immediately?! I would not be okay with that. First of all, you'll want time to spend with the baby where it's just you and your DH. Second, you're right about the recovery- you don't know what it's going to be like. Also, to have to make sure the house is clean enough, "entertain" company, plan meals, even small things like making sure everyone has clean towels and stuff.... with a brand new baby? No thanks.

Obviously they want to visit/see the baby, and you want them to too, but I would say they have to wait x number of weeks.

CinnamonBun · January 2010

I would say no and tell them to priceline a hotel. Just b/c they usually run 200-300 doesn't mean they can't get a good room at a nice hotel for well under 100. I use priceline every time I travel and have never been disappointed.

You are not going to want all of those people around you 24/7, and your space is small.

ifoundhim! · January 2010

Bashert628:
I would say no to them...while it's nice they want to come, let them splurge on a hotel room.

Tried to go down that path with MILs visit at least....DH wasn't going for that and said if she has to get a hotel room, so does my mother or sister (even though they would not come to visit at the same time). I can't fully blame him for that at all - it's a double standard.

Header25 · January 2010

My parents live 4 hours away and my mom has already said that she wants to stay for 2 weeks after the baby is born! We just bought a new house and ended up getting a 5 bedroom one because I knew we would ALWAYS need a guest bedroom.

My mom would be really upset if I told her she had to wait 2-3 weeks to see the baby, but would understand. My parents would probable come early and just get a hotel. Do you have a friend that has an extra bedroom?

Good Luck!

Mrsalt027 · January 2010

I really don't think you need the added pressure of having "guests" stay at your house immediately after the birth, even if they are family. I would tell them your apt is too small and it would cause too much chaos and you want things to be as stress free as possible for you and the baby immediately following the birth. I don't think that's being selfish either. You still want them to see the baby, just not live in your home while doing it.

Ellasmommy07 · January 2010

My mom is coming prior to the birth only because we have DD who we will need someone to watch whhen I am in labor. We lived in Germany when DD was born and my mom didnt come out until she was 2 weeks old. Recovery isnt a major deal unless you have a c-section or other health issues. I would tell them they have to stay at a hotel. My inlaws are coming out after my mom leaves and I am dreading it. I am very independent and it drives me nuts to have people under my feet all of the time.

smilejenn · January 2010

I would set boundaries now. Even in big cities, hotel discounts can be found (AAA, weekend specials, business hotels on the weekends, Entertainment Book rates, etc) Personally I would not want my house full of guests shortly after having a baby.

And definitely discourage the purchase of airline tickets until the baby is born. I delivered at 36 weeks with my son, but many women deliver at 42 weeks. There's just no way of predicting the future.

ifoundhim! · January 2010

MrsEricH:

How long after the birth would they be staying with you?

MIL would want to come 2-3 weeks after the birth. I feel like I wait on his family hand and foot when they visit. Plus she smokes (and we do not).

Header25 · January 2010

Since you are in Boston there are tons of cheaper hotels right outside the city! Have them stay out there. There isnt really a NEED for them to stay at fancy hotel like Copley and spend all that money. With the $$$ they would save have them rent a car.

mopsie · January 2010

My MIL had to play host to her ILs after DH and his brothers were born... she said it was like having THREE babies in the house! They'd even bother her to get them a glass of water, etc! I guess she had no choice, but I'm learning from her "mistake" and telling family they can visit the baby, but NO ONE gets to stay here!!!

MommyTori1 · January 2010

I would recommend they don't plan on visiting until maybe LO is a couple of weeks to a month old so you have plenty of time for recovery and can at least start to get into a routine as a new mom. As far as them staying with you, I'd probably say no, unless it was my mom or dad (but that's just me) anyone else I would say "We'd love for you to visit, we just don't really have the space. There's a hotel so-and-so miles away you could stay at"

minaa7 · January 2010

We're just North of Boston and MIL has opted to stay with us in our one bedroom apartment before.. Even for the shower I think we're going to have to say sorry.. please find a hotel room. It's just one more thing I can't deal with.. and keep my sanity Smile

thehimwithher · January 2010

is your lo going to be saying in it's room right away? i'm just asking cause my dd slept in our room for the first 5 wks.

this is a tough one. also, if you guys are really close it might be nice to have them stay but it just depends on how close y'all are, kwim? i would say tell them to wait to book their tickets for sure since you have NO IDEA when this baby will really come. and maybe have dh suggest they at least have a hotel on 'standby' incase and use the excuse that just in case the baby is really high maintance or you have trouble bfing and want some privacy while you work on it.

ifoundhim! · January 2010

thehimwithher:

is your lo going to be saying in it's room right away? i'm just asking cause my dd slept in our room for the first 5 wks.

No, we're planning on LO sleeping in her bassinett in our room - but still the glider and her changing table will be in her nursery. And I'll be breastfeeding so I want the flexibility to go in her room, sit on the glider and nurse.

Bashert628 · January 2010

Tell them to try hotwire.com - I just got a hotel room on there for $59 a night and it was pretty nice.

katcarls · January 2010

My Mom is planning to stay for two weeks after the baby comes. She wants to do the cooking, cleaning and laundry so I can focus on the baby. ILs haven't said anything yet but I doubt they would stay for more than a few days. They'll have to wait until we're ready for guests because they will be more demanding on my time and not at all helpful.

thehimwithher · January 2010

ifoundhim!:
thehimwithher:

is your lo going to be saying in it's room right away? i'm just asking cause my dd slept in our room for the first 5 wks.

No, we're planning on LO sleeping in her bassinett in our room - but still the glider and her changing table will be in her nursery. And I'll be breastfeeding so I want the flexibility to go in her room, sit on the glider and nurse.

you need to get to the glider for sure early on!!

MWoodside · January 2010

No way. We are not having anyone stay in our home. Those visiting will stay in hotels unless they are local & have no problems w/ it. There MUST be some hotels under $200-$300 a night, there are in every city.

BlueRidgeMama · January 2010

I would have LOVED to have family stay with us after DD was born. They can do the dishes for you and everything! You won't be using the nursery when LO is just born anyway, the baby will probably be in your room.

BrainySmurfette · January 2010

Some of the hotels outside the city aren't so expensive. My parents have found affordable places (around $100/night) in Waltham and Andover when they have visited. I would also look in Woburn and Burlington. There are reasonable hotels in the area, there may just be a short drive involved.

metzy144 · January 2010

My mom is going to stay with us if we have room after the baby is born but I am going to say no to anyone else who asks. They can wait a while to come visit.

Maplebear · January 2010

We are in a similar situation, as we live in a two bedroom house and will be moving about 3 months after the baby is born. Our parents are all farther away and our parents will all want to visit and stay with us. Since we are moving soon after the baby, we will probably use a Pack N Play in our bedroom until the move and then set up the crib in the new house, which at least leaves the guest bedroom free for visitors.

DH and I have agreed though that we don't want visitors for at least two weeks after the birth to allow us to figure things out and get comfortable with our new family (he hasn't been around too many babies before and doesn't want a million people watching him and telling him what he is doing wrong).

I suggest having a time frame for "you" time, without visitors. If you are going to be using the second bedroom as the nursery off the bat, then definately insist on having everyone stay at hotels. If they want to see the baby, they will find a way to do it.

EAng · January 2010

H and I were just discussing this last night. My family is in town, so that is not an issue. His family will come when we want them to. His mom is a huge baby advocate and will be great help I am sure.

I do not mind them here, there will just be boundaries and I know that his mom will do whatever we need. To me, the point of having someone stay is to help keep the house in order and help with food and laundry. I would not ask MIL to get up with the baby or soothe the baby in any way. That is our responsibility so that we can bond and learn routines.

Linds&Chris777 · January 2010

We had no one stay with us after DS was born, and DH had to go back to work after a day and I went back to working (from home) when DS was a week and a half. So my point is, we didn't ask, receive or need any help. Plus you are going to be so busy taking care of yourself and a newborn, the last thing you are going to want to do is entertain your family or anyone else. Someone visiting for a few hours is one thing, but an extended stay in my home would be out of the question.

FemmeNat01 · January 2010

I already have people lining up to come stay with me after the birth. My mom is going to be driving up everyday for 2 weeks. My sister is going to help me. My bio mom is coming in June for a month to help. Personally, I want all the help I can get because I know for sure I will not be able to care for both Lucas and Elena alone at that time. I know Nate will be with me but neither of us have ANY baby experience.

I would take the help. But, I dont really know much since this is my first too!

sdtchica13 · January 2010

I think it really depends on how much space you have and how helpful these "guests" will be. Luckily, my MIL lives like 10 minutes away and will be able to come over and help me without staying over, and we already decided that my mom will come stay for a week or so after to help us out (more to take care of ME than the baby, lol), but we also have a 4 bedroom house and 2 working bedrooms for people to stay in, not counting the nursery, so its not an inconvenience to have people stay with us. However, this is also because I know both my mom and MIL will be extremely helpful and not expect to be entertained. It basically boils down to whether having them stay with you will be a help or a hindrance.

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