Does anyone feel like a "better" person after your loss?

jesmckenna · January 2010

I have been thinking about all the ways I have changed since my m/c, and am starting to realize that it hasn't all been for the bad. ?I'm not AT ALL saying that either m/c was a positive experience, but I do think it's made me a better person. ?

I used to be a bit of a harsh person- kind of insensitive and said whatever was on my mind. ?Now I don't let little things bother me so much. ?Yes, I am still bitter at times and can still be a b**** if you catch me at a bad time. ?I am very sarcastic and I don't think that will ever change. However, I think I have more compassion for people and their situations. ?I guess I am now just realizing that I don't always know everyone's story, and I should cut them some slack. ??

I have also noticed a change in my attitude at work. ?I am a kindergarten teacher and would sometimes get frustrated/impatient with the kids. ?I have always loved my job and the kids I work with, but it can sometimes just get to be too much. In the few days before we went on break, I started to realize how extremely special those kids are and really took the time to appreciate their quirks and craziness, rather than let it frustrate me.

?I don't know- maybe I am just bored and rambling, but I am trying to find some sort of positivity in my life right now. ?Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just going bananas??

jamienbj · January 2010

Would NEVER say I am "better" since m/c but I can say that my outlook on life has changed some and that the way I word things to people IRL regarding pregnancy, miscarriage or anything else that goes along with these subjects has changed. But that has been a result of the Bump NOT my m/c.

jesmckenna · January 2010

Hm- I never thought of it that way. ?Maybe it is all because of the bump, not necessarily my m/c. ?I guess hearing everyone else's stories has put a lot of things into perspective for me. ?It's just one more reason why I love the women on this board!

ikissedthecook · January 2010

There's a really old cliche that comes to mind with this post. Even though its completely worn-out, I do think there is some truth to it. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

Lissa832 · January 2010

I think it has made me more compassionate to people. When I was a teenager, we had a youth leader who didn't have children. She and her H had been married for several years. We always asked her, "When are you going to have kids?" A couple of years ago, I learned that they don't have kids because they have battled infertility. It makes me feel awful now. To have to constantly field those questions from other adults, and then also your youth group must have been so difficult.

Now I am a firm believer that no one should ask anyone "when are you going to have kids?" It is an inappropriate question, and you never know what the reason is, so you shouldn't ask it.

VivianLee · January 2010

Better, no. Changed, definitely. I am much more sensitive to other's situations, especially to those who have suffered a loss. I always felt bad for them, but never truely understood their pain. I work with kids on a daily basis too and some of them are total and complete brats, but like pp said, I can now look at their quirks and appreciate them instead of being so annoyed. I wish that I had more people IRL to discuss all of this with but I am so blessed to have found this board. Being able to "talk" about it all makes a huge difference too!

jesmckenna · January 2010

I guess I might've worded my OP differently than what I was really thinking. ?By "better" I don't mean my life is better, because it most definitely is not. ?I just meant that I am a better person to those around me.

lindsay.lou · January 2010

Now I kind of feel like a jerk, because I feel like a worse person since my m/c. I'm bitter as all hell, I'm withdrawn with my family, and I'm irrationally angry at every pregnant woman I see.

Sonadora · January 2010

I'm with Lindsay.Lou. This whole experience has made me less patient, less rational, angrier, and bitter.

jennsadye1979 · January 2010

I would agree with the two ladies above me, I have become more bitter and less fun, and more irrationally angry at times. I always had empathy, and one thing I can truly say, I was always sensitive to others TTC and pregnancy issues and I was a nice person. I can just say that lately I am more of a glass half-empty kinda gal, my bling is less sparkly if you will. I hate it, but it's true.

darkskyy · January 2010

VivianLee:
Better, no. Changed, definitely.

This.

I absolutely have grown, and have a new outlook on the little things in life. Things that used to bother me just don't as they seem kinda silly now. To some extent that might be a little bit of depression, where I just don't care about certain things in the same way...but as the pain is starting to become easier, I think that the new outlook is here to stay.

Only time will tell is all this is permanent, or just the pain and hormones speaking...

mystikaljess · January 2010

Right now I'm angry and bitter, but I hope one day that I can look at it differently. I don't want to look at a pregnant woman, I avoid walking by the baby sections in stores, I try not to go to places where I know a ton of kids will be at. It's difficult right now. I threw out all of my baby magazines, packed away anything baby related (although there wasnt much).

I can say I'm much more understanding of a pregnancy loss than I was before, I never knew the pain you could experience from a child who you never even met. We met our babies, just in different ways than other mothers do.

AtoB · January 2010

I agree with pp about feeling more compassionate. I always felt bad for people going through this, but couldn't fully understand it. I think I have become more appreciative for what I have. I definitely feel as though I have grown up quite a bit.

I teach 5th grade, so I understand that angle. After I first found out I was pregnant, I could only see them as little pink plus signs on someone's stick. Haha.

triple_sevens · January 2010

I feel like I'm more hopeful (ironically, somehow) and more compassionate, and that my husband feels even more like a partner than before. I also feel more connected to God and less adrift spiritually.

I do feel that I'm better, though only in the last few weeks. But I'm trying really hard to find a silver lining. And I don't think people who can't see it are "worse."

pepomntpat · January 2010

Not really better, but definitely have a different perspective on things which could be seen as a positive in some ways.

far_more_than_rubies · January 2010

I think you are right--- the bump has changed me. I don't know where I'd be without the support of the ladies here because I have very little IRL support. Being a part of this community has changed me.