Intro/Question/Long/Need Advice
little_kate
member
I am just over 9 weeks pregnant. I was in a committed relationship when I became pregant, although we are not married. The original intention was to raise our child together, and eventually marry. Since becoming pregnant, my ex had what I can best describe as a mental break down of sorts. There was a build up involving a ton of possessiveness, neediness, and jealousy on his part (deleting numbers from my phone, asking if the baby was truly his, monitoring all my conversations/comings & goings/time with friends, etc.) He has also been using illegal drugs, combining prescription medications such as Klonopin and Xanax with alcohol (to the point of wetting his bed, vomiting, blacking out entire events/evenings/conversations). The relationship officially ended when he showed up at my home, threatening suicide repeatedly, injuring himself intentionally, and demanding that I abort the baby if I would not raise it with him. [His parents ended up coming to my house to pick him up and escort him to the psych ED at the local hospital] In all honesty, I could go on longer about the irrational behavior I have been living with, and why it concerns me for the safety of a newborn (not even really considering the fact he's never held a newborn, has no idea how to put on diapers, nothing).
Ultimately, I would like him to continue his therapy/medication/etc that he has started as a result of this recent drama [the doctors have suggested btw 2-4 hours of therapy each week, as well as 1-2 alcoholics anonymous meetings a week, in conjunction with antidepressants, antianxiety meds, and mood stabilizers], so he can be a stable part of the child's life in some capacity, whether through joint or partial custody, etc. At this point, I can't see us together as a couple anytime soon, and he refuses to listen to this reasoning from me. He continues to talk about how we are family and will be a family, and that he does not deserve anything I have 'done to him' so far. He sends between 15-30 texts a day, essentially reiterating he doesn't deserve what I have done, as well as makes several phone calls, multiple emails, instant messages from multiple names, etc.
I am curious if anyone has any advice re: the legal issues that will develop as the pregnancy continues. His rights vs my rights, safeguarding the child, etc. I am meeting with my attorney next week to get a basic idea of things, and be referred to a family court attorney, but I am curious if anyone here has any similar experiences/words of advice/things they wish they would have known early on?
Sorry this post got so extremely long... I am feeling a bit lost as far as this issue goes, and am hoping someone may be able to shed a little light on it for me in some way.
Thanks for reading/sorry for boring you... Kate
Re: Intro/Question/Long/Need Advice
restraining order.
Everything the pp said. Good luck!
So sorry to hear that, it's got to be frusterating to deal with a person like that. First of all, like the pp said, document EVERYTHING. Save all the texts, e-mails, voicemails, etc. Get a restraining order, alot of women are afraid of filing for one because they think that the guy will get upset and then for surely go after her or the child. But by doing so you are doing what you can to protect the child and yourself and also you can bring that into court when custody is granted and have that much more of a leg to stand on to prove he would be unfit.
Don't by any circumstances let him back in your life. Yes, people can change. But would you ever forgive yourself after leaving your child with him and he relapses and harms himself in front of your baby or worse harms your child? Probably not. If it gets hard and you start to feel alone and you'd want him back, write every horriable thing he's done and said to you, then remind yourself of everything when you feel like you are having a weak moment.
I hope this helps even a little and if not...welcome!