Baby in a smoker's house? Need your opinions.
I'm in need of your opinions/advice. DH, LO and I are headed to Dallas for the night to spend time with our families, both sides. It will be our first trip up there with the baby. We had planned on spending the night with my parents, until I found out that my dad has been smoking in the house again. When we found that out, we decided it would probably be best to spend the night at DH's sister's house (which is 10 mins. from my parent's), but of course, still go to my parents house for a while to visit tonight. When I told my mom that we're going to stay at DH's sister's house because my dad's been smoking in the house again, she was very upset. She said my dad would not smoke in the house when LO is there, which I knew, but from what I have heard it's still not safe to have baby in a place for a long time that has been smoked in. She didn't understand how it was any different for us to come over for a couple of hours rather than spend the night. Anyways, now she is very hurt and upset and said that we probably just shouldn't come over at all. I want them to be able to see LO because they don't get to see him that often, so now I'm sad.
So am I wrong? Are DH and I being too anal about not wanting the baby to spend the night in a house that is smoked in a lot, and more than likely will be smoked in it right up until we get there tonight? Of course, I also don't want the smell of smoke to be on baby and all of his clothes and stuff, but I didn't say that to my mom. So am I being just an overprotective, first time mom or what? Let me know your thoughts.
Re: Baby in a smoker's house? Need your opinions.
I was going to say the exact same thing... I've read a lot about 3rd hand smoke being just as dangerous to little ones. Maybe this will encourage him to quit.
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I'm trying hard to not be anal about this issue myself. My dad & stepmom live across the street, so we generally see them pretty often. My stepmom is a smoker, and she doesn't smoke around baby, but Morris definitely smells like smoke after she holds him or he's been over there. To me, the relationship between Morris & his grandparents is more important to me than the brief smoke exposure...and I try to remind myself that my mom smoked while she was pregnant with us & for many years after we were born.
That's been my solution so far because I just can't think of a way to tell my dad & stepmom that they can't see/hold the baby because of smoking. We'll see how it goes, but it's definitely something that irritates me already.
Really just because your parents did stuff while they were pregnant doesn't mean that it was good for you--people smoked, drank and did drugs while pregnant in the 60-70's doesn't mean it didn't affect you or someone else in some way. Especially when studies are now out that counter that argument. Sorry I know it's your choice and all but your son is still being exposed to the smoke of your family members. If the relationship is important to them then they should stop smoking.
I should add that my grandfather died of lung cancer and never smoked a day in his life-so this is a sore subject.
I think that's being a bit overprotective...but I come from a family of smokers. DH smokes, and I smoked until I got pregnant with Layna.
Smoking inside a house is nasty, but its their house. If your dad isn't going to smoke in there while you are there, then that's really nice of him and I think you should tell him you appreciate it.
It a huge difference since 2nd hand smoke has been linked to SIDS. I wouldn't stay the night either.
I have some family members who smoke too, and I already fear these sorts of problems. Maybe give her some time to calm down and try talking to her again. Put the blame on you, that you are a first time mom, and this stuff freaks you out, and that you couldn't live with yourself if something happened to the baby. Most people find it hard to argue or get offended by "new mom emotions." Anyway that's my plan to handle it. That and I plan to ask the pediatrician direct questions about it, so I can honestly say "my pedi says this..."
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
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Agreed.
My mom smoked in her house and when my first was born we had to have some difficult discussions about it. She truly doesn't understand it, but recognized that it was affecting her relationship with her grandchildren and made some compromises. She would not smoke in the house an hour before we got there and would go outside to smoke and then wash her hands while we were there. All of us still smelled like smoke when we left and we never spent the night. With a baby as young as yours, you have to be careful about these things and trust your instinct. My mom had come a long way since the first time we talked about it and no longer smokes in the house at all.
This. If it were me, I also wouldn't let my dad hold him until he'd showered and put on clean clothes. We've had to enforce that rule before and it was very awkward, but it's the best thing for little L.
This!
We asked two family members to wear a jacket or something over their clothes when they smoke (instructions from our pedi). Then they take if off when they are done so they can hold DS. Family member A made a huge stink about it and said it was "over the top" and she "just wouldn't hold him then." But, when she realized we weren't going to back down, she gave in, followed the pedi's recommendation, and all was fine. Family member B was super accommodating about the whole thing, and that's just how he is. Family member A takes us not staying at her house as a personal insult and claims we are being judgmental. We've tried to explain the effects of third-hand smoke to her, but she's in total denial about how her smoking affects other people. My point of view is this. She has every right to smoke in her home if she wants to. But, we also have every right to protect our child from what we think might be harmful from him. If she can't accept that, then it's her issue.
I'm coming in late, but I'm so sorry you're in this position. I can empathize: I'm very sensitive to cigarette smoke and I can't stay long in a home in which someone smokes, even if they're not smoking while I'm there. Even that two-hour visit at your parents' house would be too much for me (severe eye allergy). I've been in your situation with relatives and friends before, and it can be really awkward.
I hope your visit goes (went?) smoothly, and that your mom and dad can come to understand your position. And good for you for putting the health of your baby first! It should be a no-brainer, but those family pressures really can make it hard sometimes.