so i spoke to mr hawtie today about the drinking..no accusatory anything, no ultimatums... just my fears and my struggles with it all. he was very defensive and tried to turn things on me but i would not allow it. He angrily went to shower and get ready for work. Long story short - he agreed to a compromise. he told me he would not drink liquor except for special occasions and would limit his daily alcohol consumption to 2 or 3 beers a night. I happily agreed! It may not sound like much, but his willingness to negotiate a compromise i feel is a very good sign and he used to drink *a lot* of bourbon every week! Thank you ladies for validating my feelings which gave me the strength to see the discussion through.