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Having "The Talk" with Parents: Child Care

ChristinaD09ChristinaD09
in 2nd Trimester

We've been proscrastinating this and I feel like we need to get on top of figuring out child care for when I go back to work.  We live close to the ILs (about 15 minutes away, in a direction away from my work sadly).  My MIL has been a stay at home mom all her life.  When I first told them I was pregnant, MIL, in the middle of her joyful crying, said something about not taking the child to day care, that she'd watch it.  My personal attitude is that I'd be thrilled if she would watch the baby all the time, or part time, but I don't want her to feel like she's not getting to enjoy the grandparenting experience.  So I really do not want to place pressure on her to watch the baby (its her first grandchild too, by the way). 

Since that first "talk," the subject of watching the baby has come up but more awkwardly--I'm not really convinced she's wanting to watch the baby more than on a baby sitter type level.  My husband says that he's talked with her about it, though, and that she's just not wanting to pressure ME instead having her watch the baby.  So I think I need to have a more serious chat about it with her.

How did you broach this subject with your parents or ILs?  Any advice? 

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Re: Having "The Talk" with Parents: Child Care

  • Mrs BabsMrs Babs
    I just went out and asked my mom. I told her there was no pressure but we were looking into daycare and we thought it would be much better if we kept the baby with someone in the family. She was honored to be asked and said yes the next day. She hasn't stopped talking about it since. I would just sit down with her and your DH and if you are uncomfortable doing it then have him bring it up.
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  • MTClaireMTClaire member
    I had this exact same issue.  I just mentioned to her that we needed to start looking for daycare and figure out how many days a week we'd need.  I just said "I know you'd mentioned that you would want to watch the baby sometimes, but I don't want you to feel obligated, and I know you're busy and have a lot going on."  She said she hadn't brought it up to me because she didn't want to impose and be pushy because she was trying to be a good MIL.  She said she would love to watch the baby 1 or 2 days a week, and I told her we'd much rather leave the baby with her than with daycare, and that we'd be thrilled to have her do that.  So I think she's going to do Thursday and Friday, I will probably work from home 1-2 days a week, and then we'd only need daycare 1-2 days a week.  I feel so much better now.  Good luck!
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  • Shandie_725Shandie_725 member

    We're going to talk to FIL soon - he's been unemployed since last September and the likelihood of him getting hired anywhere at this point is slim. We're going to offer to pay him, but I don't know if he'll only do a few days a week or whatnot. My mom is "looking for a job" but is offering to babysit if she hasn't found one by then (I think she's looking for an excuse to keep not working). 

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  • MWoodsideMWoodside member
    I'm not broaching it.  I think if my mom wanted to watch the baby she would have said something to me by now.  And she hasn't.  She's not the type that does well with things that aren't her idea so I'm figuring something else out.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
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