I'm at my wit's end re: sleep

cops_wife · December 2009

Ellie has never been a good sleeper. She co-slept with me for a long time because it was all that worked. She did not CIO, she cried until she puked and got so worked up I thought she'd choke and then she was up for hours because she was so upset. After about 13 months though, and a lot of work to get her to that point, we got her sleeping most of the way through the night in her crib, putting herself to sleep. It was glorious. But then at about 18 months, she started to regress. She wouldn't put herself down, she wanted to be sung to and patted on the back, and she woke up more during the night.

Fast forward to now, and nights are awful. She will not go to sleep by herself. She screams and screams and screams and then is so upset it's impossible to settle her down. She wants you in her room with her, preferably singing, and even when I do go sit in there until she falls asleep, it often takes upwards of 45 minutes of sitting there before she goes down. I lose my patience with it (DH is usually not here to help) and then feel terrible later for losing my cool. And she keeps waking up at 2:30 or so screaming bloody murder. I don't know if it's night terrors or what, but she's inconsolable and the only thing that makes her happy is sleeping with us.

But a few weeks ago, we went to Disney World. Ellie slept on a pull-out couch with bedrails. I laid down with her at night to get her to go to sleep. It usually took 20 minutes or so. She then slept all night until 7 a.m., when she'd sit up and yell, "Mama!" Granted, we were running her ragged all day, plus she was in the room with us, so either of those things might have contributed to her sleeping so well. But she also moves a lot at night, and she had a lot more room to do that. We suspect she's bumping into her crib edges and waking herself up at home.

So I'm considering putting her in a twin bed with rails. But DH is afraid to move her into a bed. He thinks then she'll just get up when she doesn't want to sleep. And I don't know if she's ready for it either. I mean, how do you know? I am sure I'd have to lay down with her at night, but that has to be better than listening to screaming for hours, right? Has anyone attempted this at this age? Does anyone have any other advice? I feel now the same sense of dread when bedtime approaches that I used to feel around the evening when she was a colicky infant. I just do not know what to do with her anymore and I am so tired of the screaming and not sleeping I could scream myself.

MelissaMc22 · December 2009

Goodness, that sounds terrible!

The only advice I have is that we noticed that Jack slept soo much better in a toddler (and now twin) bed than the crib. Like you, he was waking himself up in the crib by hitting the walls. He had zero problem in the bigger beds. When he wakes up we tell him that it is a "rule" that he stays in his bed and calls for us. He always does, he has never left opened his own door- thank goodness.

Maybe you could make a big deal about the big girl bed? Maybe she could get a new lovey to sleep with, in hopes it might "replace" you? Just make suge deal about being a big girl....

I have also heard of a reward system- like a sticker chart for good nights?

Just throwing out some ideas here. Good luck, hope you all get some rest!

RXjenna · December 2009

Ugh, that sounds terrible. We haven't moved M to a big bed yet, but I think if I were in your shoes, I'd give it a try based on your experience at Disney World.

I wish I had more advice for you. But I do remember reading about 18 month sleep regression though on a blog to which I subscribe and thought I'd share:

https://www.askmoxie.org/2009/01/qa-18month-sleep-regression-redux.html

I hope you can find a solution! I can so remember that anxiety that came every night with a fussy babies & bedtime. It's not fun at all

kel716 · December 2009

gack! ...and I really didn't need to know about the 18 mo sleep regression but I'm glad I do...

I'd try the "big girl" bed. At this point it sounds like ANYTHING is worth a shot. Maybe try the "big girl" bed where the mattress/boxspring is on the ground? (aka no frame?) Then at least if she falls out it's not very far. The worst thing that happens is you're at the same point you've been at...

Wishing you a solution soon!

sistrkate · December 2009

Let me tell you, I dread bedtime, and I have nowhere near the problems you are describing. You have my deepest sympathy, I don't know how you manage!

While I don't have personal experience with this, I will say that my sister had very nearly the same experience with my niece that you have had with Ellie, down to refusing to sleep in her crib. They ended up moving her to her big girl bed when she was 21 months old. I guess you could say it's my fault -- they had gone out of town over the weekend and I stayed with the kids. Lauren was really upset in her crib, to the point of making herself sick all over the sheets, etc. I didn't have the time or energy to clean it up that night, so I let her sleep with me. She steadfastly refused to sleep in the crib after that. She was a markedly better sleeper after she got the big girl bed. It was (and is now) a full-size double with rails. She stayed in it at night, and followed the rule of not getting out without calling Mommy & Daddy first.

I think you should give it a whirl. It can't end worse, I don't think. And she might surprise you. I know it made my sister sad since my niece was her youngest, and she was truly not a baby after that, but your sanity is more important!!!

doodlebug914 · December 2009

My vote would be to try a toddler/twin bed with rails or a mattress on the floor and see how that goes a few nights since it went well on vacation. I'm sorry bedtime is going so badly!! I hope it turns around soon. We do have a twin mattress we are not using right now if you don't have one and just want to try and see how it goes?

sistrkate · December 2009

Oh -- I thought of one other thing. Do you have a bumper in Ellie's crib? We did not have one in Justin's, but I ended up putting it in there when he was about a year old because he too was waking himself up at night bumping into the sides. He sleeps VERY well most of the time now and actually cuddles up against it most nights. While I doubt that would solve your problem, it might be something to try (if you even have a bumper). We had one that came with his set so it wasn't an extra expense for us.

pinkylu · December 2009

Instead of singing to her, could you try using a cd player and having her listen to a cd of kids songs? I also liked the idea above of getting a new lovey to "replace" you. Maybe you could go pick it out together and make a big deal out of how the stuffed animal is going to keep her company in bed. My only other idea is to tell her you are only going in 3 times a night and tell her each time you go in how many she has left and that after 3 she is on her own.

AgathiP04 · December 2009

First of all...whew! You are a strong mommy! We switched Niko over when he was climbing out of his crib. I, personally, am glad we did a full size bed. I've spent many a nights in there recently and appreciate the extra space. When we switched him, we put a doorknob protector on the inside of his door and duct taped his light switch (sounds mean, I promise it isn't). He really never ventured out of his bed. When he's ready to get up he calls one of us or he knocks on his door. I don't think we really had to lay with him. Some lessons I learned:

~We tried a toddler bed, with his crib still in the room: mistake. He thought the toddler bed was a toy and was confused why his crib was still there. Also he was confused by the toddler sized mattress (same as crib).

~We actually converted his crib so he no longer could visually see it. He never has looked back!

~The full size is really nice for when he is sick and I need to lie down with him.

~We use a white noise sound machine. We have since phased that out, but I used it from 1 yr-3 yrs old.

Recently Niko has been struggling to go to sleep and asks for me to lie down. It is hard to ignore! I feel your pain However, it is so much easier now that he is 3 because I can reason with him (ie if you go to bed, we can make muffins in the morning!). Haha

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