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2nd Trimester
Moms w/ one + kids already who plan to work after baby?
Hi ladies,
I have been fortunate to be able to be home with our son until he was three. I have worked part time for a family business that required some daycare here and there and do some consulting work from home but mostly I have been home. Our financial situation is looking pretty bleak and I am afraid I am going to have to dust off my briefcase, suit, and heels and go back to corporate America. I am feeling fairly devastated as I thought we were ok and it seems somehow that we are not. We are small business owners and have been smacked by this economy. DH has already found another job to supplement our business and is basically working two fultime jobs. The debts is still mounting and I'm afraid it's up to me to make up the difference.
I don't know what I'm looking for...support, direction, ideas on how you still manange to be a great mom and great employee. Any wisdom is appreciated. This just isn't what I had planned at all and am feeling very sad and overwhelmed. I'm sad for the baby I haven't even met yet, sad for my son who will get even less of his mom, and sad for me that my dream for what our family would look like probably will not be. Who the hell is going to hire a pregnant chick mid-term who hasn't worked in her field in three years?! Sad. I appreciate your positive thoughts and input.
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Re: Moms w/ one + kids already who plan to work after baby?
I am sorry you and your family are going through this. I am a full-time working mom and it is very hard to leave DD but I have to do what is best for our family. I just try to think of it this way my mom was a single mom who worked full-time and I turned out just fine. I am blessed to be able to work only 3 nights a week (12 hour shift) so I am gone while DD sleeps. It makes it nice because I can stay awake if she needs me. My family watches her while I sleep during the day.
Just try to keep your head up. Times are hard right now and most families needs both parents working to make ends meet. Good luck to you.
Somehow, you always find a way to make it work. Maybe you can find some sort of temp position until you're due. That will let you regain some current work experience that you can use to find a new job after LO arrives. And there are plenty of working moms out there w/ perfectly happy children & family lives, so don't fret that your children won't get enough of you. I know it's not the picture you had in your mind, but you can't focus on the negative. Life is what you make of it, and if you want a happy life, you can have one no matter what is thrown @ you.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way!! I'm also sorry to hear about your business having a hard time. Hopefully things will turn around.
I am a working mom, active duty air force. My hours are pretty set right now, 9hr days 7:30am-4:30pm. DD has been in daycare sine she was 6wks old. Personally, I didn't have a hard time going back to work, as I didn't want to be a SAHM but for someone who planned on it I'm sure it can be rough.
DON"T feel bad for your kids. You are doing what you have to do to take care of them! If you weren't going back to work, then I'd feel sad for them as they may not get everything they need! ya know? My mom worked most of my life too and I didn't grow up thinking " gee wish my mom would have stayed home with us we'd be so much better off" So, your kids aren't going to know the difference when they're older it will jsut be standard ops. Kids are adaptable and resilient. You just spend as much time with them as you can and that is always good enough! On the weeknights we get about 3hrs with DD before her bed time, and obviously all weekend. But DD LOVES her daycare and caretakers and that is also key to working, having good care takers for you kids.
If its any consolation, a company cannot NOT hire you because you're pregnant. Thats discrimination, HOWEVER you can't ever really know if they aren't hiring you for that reason. SO I say apply to as many places as you can. When you go in talk to them about your plans AFTER the baby...but you won't be able to make ridiculous requests like " I want 3-4months Mat leave...you'll be lucky if they give you 6wks and if they offer you that paid, take it. I've also known some women who have had to return to work jsut 1-2wks post partum because of no mat leave policy or time off. Go in there with a plan and I think you'll be fine. I hope things work out for you!!
First, I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. It's okay. You can work and still be a good mom. I actually think working makes me a BETTER mom. I just think it makes me happy to be able to work and still be a good mom. Make sense? Good
I think it's important to find a good balance between work and motherhood. Usually something does have to give. You're not super woman and you can't do everything (though we try!) What did I give up, you may ask? Cleaning. I know, I'm that mom, lol. I use to be super organized and everything in the house was sparkling. Now I only have time to keep it straightened up and I'm lucky if I vacuum once a week. Truth is, when I get home from work, I don't want to clean, do laundry, or cook. I want to hang out with my son. Play with him and all his toys. Have him show/tell me what he did all day.
I do think, because I work FT, that I never ever want to let DS sleep over anyone's house. I feel like he's mine when I'm home and all weekend long. My sisters always ask to keep him overnight and I hardly ever let him b/c I feel like I'm losing the time I do have with him. Ya know?
Anyway, it makes it much easier knowing that DS (and this baby girl) are with my mom everyday when I'm at work. I do think I'd have a little bit more trouble working if I knew he was at daycare. But I'd live if he did have to go to daycare. Basically, it's not an option for me to SAH, nor would I ever want too (no offense to a SAHM!) It's just not for me. I like to work. I have to work.
I'm not sure if this helped you at all, but good luck and don't worry hun! You can do both!
Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14
I am sorry you are faced with this. I would definately see if there are any jobs for you now. If you are called for an interview I would look into paid leave and job security while you are out with the baby.
I am a fulltime working mom and love it most days. My problem now is what to do with my career. Keep moving up the ladder or just stay out of management. Management does take up a lot of my time at the office so I am bringing work home with me. Finding a balance is hard but it doens't mean you are a bad mom because you work or that your child will be unhappy.
My daughter loves school. She has tons of friends and we even do play dates ont he weekends. I work 60 miles from my house so that is hard but I go were the money is and here that is DC. I love my job though so that helps. My husband and I commute together so we do have time along to talk about things in the mroning and evening. We drop DD off at 6 and pick her up at 5. Home by 5:25 dinner done by 6:15 and then it is family time till 7:30 when she goes to bed. I know that doens't sound like much time but it works for us. DH has every other friday off with Her starting in January and I will go back to working from Home then also on Mondays. She is still in daycare on monday though just not long.
We have every holiday off with her and we both have over 4 weeks of leave a year. Plus I work flex time so really when I look at my calender I really only work 5 full day work weeks about twice a month. To me that isn't bad. DH is even less. SO as far as time with DD she has plenty and it is always family time. DH and I also finished our master degrees this year too so we were able to do our class work when DD was sleeping to not eat into that time with her either. DD is happy and joyful and loved to pieces.
She will be going to daycare 3 days a week for 6 hours when I home with the new baby. I want that one on one time to bond with the new baby and she will still want to play with her friends.
It really has worked out great for us. Also I know it sounds crazy but working makes me a better mom and having both worlds makes me happy. DH and I could make it on his income alone but I want to work.
Once you are in a job tryt o stay positive and look at the good things.
I love being a working mom. I get to go to work everyday, interact with adults and feel a sense of accomplishment. My son gets to go to school play with kids his own age, learn and grow. Every evening and on the weekends family is my number one priority. I feel like he gets great quality time with me, because when we are together, I am focused on him. Like pp have said, something has to give when you work full time. For me, this is cleaning and cooking fancy meals. It will be an adjustment, but you can do it. Now that DS is older, he likes to help vacuum and dust. And, I have mastered crock pot cooking and 30 minute meals. If you need more support, check out the working moms page. Good luck!!
I'm really sorry about everything. . as one of the above posters said that maybe you can do some temp work to get some new work experience under your belt and start looking for full-time work after baby is due . .
with regards to doing both . . i attribute to having a strong partner to help out . when DD is sick. DH and I split who takes care of her. . we have modified hours where . . i go to work earlier in the morning and am home earlier and DH goes to work a little later and is home later, so we have that kind of staggering. it works well, because we aren't in a mad rush to get out of the door. .
with regards to spending time with DD . . i make sure that we have a little of time in the morning to cuddle before leaving for work . . time after I get home from work . . works with the earlier schedule and also on the weekends. . we crave out family time to spend time with her . . i try to do . one day of extended family, friend, etc. . and the other day of family time . . and we try to make every moment special.
I am sorry you are going through this!
I have a 5 yr old DD and 3 1/2 yr old DS and baby #3 is due in a few weeks and I have always been a working mother. DH is a SAHD so that helps in terms of cooking (he cooks WAAAAAY better than I do) and cleaning, etc but I still feel guilty at times for not being the one at home.
One thing we plan to do once #3 comes is to take time on Sundays (during nap/quiet time) to make a bunch of meals and have them for the week to eat. We recognize that our time will be stretched even more when baby comes and this way we can have meals prepared ahead of time that doesn't take away from the kiddos on a daily basis. We also got a great cookbook that has crockpot/slow cooker recipes in it that we hope will help.
Good luck!