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Moms to 2 lo's (again sorry!)

JenRose05JenRose05 member
in Cincinnati Babies

Last night I had a meltdown when I was trying to go to sleep. I've never thought of things this way before and now I feel really selfish :(

I felt guilty all night because I feel like my time and love for B might be split in half when number 2 comes. Of course I won't have the experience until it really happens but I can't help but feel that we've done something really unfair to him.  I don't want to take anything away from him as far as my time but I'm thinking thats pretty much impossible. How did you feel after you had the two of them finally together? What did you do different when baby number two came to make it feel like your first isn't left out? Of course I only have thoughts like this when my hormones are raging and I've got ample time laying awake in bed with nothing else to think about =/

 If it helps Ben will be 2 1/2 when our second comes

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Re: Moms to 2 lo's (again sorry!)

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    pinkylupinkylu member
    Jen, I think about this all the time, too.  I love my time with my Adah-girl and actually wonder if I'll miss it more than she will.  I do console myself with the fact that I am giving her a playmate and friend for life.  Both DH and I are close with our siblings, so I def. hope the same for our kids.  I also think it will be good for her to learn to share, wait, etc...  My plan is to keep her involved so she doesn't feel left out.  Let her "help" by getting diapers, talking to the baby, etc...  
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    AgathiP04AgathiP04 member

    I don't have two, but I do have A LOT Of time with my one child I do have.  Due to health issues, I couldn't have kids close together.  Anyway, I'm realizing that since I spend so much time with Niko, I have to make sure I give him more independence.  I feel like he always needs to be engaged in something, whereas if he had a sibling, he would have learned more quickly to engage himself, and when the sibling was older, he would be engaged with the sibling. He just seems to expect a lot of adult attention.  Even in preschool, he follows his teacher around.  

    I hope this makes sense, but I wanted to give you the opposite perspective.  What you are doing for Ben is healthy.  I feel like it will naturally help him mature :)  It will be good for him to share his mommy. 

    I don't regret the way my cards were dealt and I'm not dissing any only children. I love my little 3 year old!  I just wanted to share my recent observations :) 

    Married 12.27.03
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    MelissaMc22MelissaMc22

    Oh jen, I felt like this too!!

    When I was being wheeled in for my C section I was balling, but not because of the surgery- I just kept thinking about Jack and how much I loved him and how this was going to change his life.....

    The truth is, it will be an adjustment. It is hard, but it will be okay! Just like Lucy said, you are giving him the ultimate gift- a best friend, a playmate for life. Soon they will be playing together, making each other laugh, building forts together, ect. It is such a blessing!

    To make it easier, I tried to spend as much one on one time with Jack as I could. If Sawyer slept, I was playing with J- no cleaning, laundry etc. Just lots of face time with mommy. He had a rough couple of weeks, but I think alot of it is because Sawyer was such a tough baby too. No one was happy then!

    Now though it just seems so "normal". Jackson has learned to share my time and has done just fine with it. He has learned to play better by himself and seems to have came out on top.

    Some days are easier than others, and I still feel guilty for one reason or another everyday. I think thats just a part of being a mom.

    Try to just take each day as it comes, and not worry about the next week, etc.

    Millions of moms have done this, and you will be able to as well! ep your head up, you are a wonderful Mom!

     

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    MelissaMc22MelissaMc22

    Great Point, Alison!

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    MoestenMoesten
    Oh Jen, I think most moms feel the way you do when #2 is coming.  I don't have any words of wisdom like the other ladies have given you but I do know this: love doesn't divide, it multiplies.  And Alison is totally on target here - you're giving Ben a family and whole new set of skills and learning chances he wouldn't otherwise have.  
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    JenRose05JenRose05 member
    Thanks so much for the feedback girls, It really helps put it in perspective. Alison, It's silly because Ben is really independent anyway, loves to have his alone time etc. I am so happy that we are adding to our family but its almost the same as Lucy said... maybe I'm just going to really miss having just the three of us, I feel awful for saying it that way. It makes it sound like Im ungrateful for the new one but Im really not. Like I said...super emotional lol
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    RXjennaRXjenna

    I have so been there and I think it's totally natural.  I had an absolute breakdown right before my induction with Brynn.  I couldn't stop thinking about how much Mason's life was about to change. It really helped me to look at it this way -- you are giving your child one of the greatest gifts that anyone can give.  A sibling that he'll forever share a bond with.  Mason was very young at the time, but he adjusted to it very quickly.  Kids can adapt so well.  It will be wonderful, I promise!

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    cat81305cat81305 member
    Jen, it is a normal feeling!  Once your second one comes along, it will go away!  I too worried but I am teaching him to help me and be the big brother and he is loving helping out.  We also make it a point tp still spend some one on one time with him but we mainly do things all together which he likes also.  He loves having his sister kick the ball (we do it for her of course) and it is fun!  I could not imagine life without the 2 of them now (and I hope they think the same as they get older).  Just know that it is normal to feel this way and things will change some but it will be for the best and Ben will love his little sibling!
    Our kids are 19mths apart and we LOVE it!!

    Married to my BFF on 8.13.05 (after dating 5 years)!

    DS born 2.14.08. DD born 9.30.09.

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    nire99nire99 member

    I freaked out about this for most of my pregnancy.  All I can say is your heart just finds the love.  I look back and laugh at how I wasted so much time worrying about it. 

    Watching your kids love each other erases all your fears of balancing it.  Owen was the best gift I could have ever given Avery, even if they are constantly bickering at the moment.

    I especially struggle with making sure they each get one-on-one time since it's two against one, but we've built it into our daily routine and each kid is old enough to know when it's the other's turn to have mommy.  Avery gets to snuggle in bed with me in the morning after she wakes up and Owen gets to before bed.  Simple things like that make the difference.

    One year from now you'll be responding the same way to some other person's post about having two. You'll do great! 

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