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2nd Trimester
RunningMamaH
member
Need good bumpie input! (long, sorry!)
RunningMamaH
member
So MIL and I got in a huge fight today, and I can see her side of things but I still feel that I am right (don't we all?) so I need some good bumpie advice. Am I crazy or is she right?
So BIL is in navy stationed in Cali. He and his GF are separated (bad scene) and have a son. She moved back to MA to be with her family and if she is in a good mood we occasionally get to see the baby. (she has a small part time job, lives with rents, gets no benefits through work and has no ambition to get another job) ?
His duty is almost up and was thinking of getting out. However, he called all kinds of places around here and there really is no work for him without him getting some schooling. So if he got out he would have to go to school full time, get a part time job and probably have to live at home with IL's until he had enough schooling to get a job.
He tried seeing if there were any bases on the east coast that would take him if he stayed in so that at least he would be somewhat closer, nothing is open.
So he is thinking of staying in, staying in Cali and trying over time to get a station closer.
MIL is PISSED. She thinks he should just move home. We got in a fight over the fact that I can see how he wants to have a full time job and benefits to be able to care for his son. She is fine with him not working, going on welfare and the baby going on healthy kids insurance. She thinks it is better for him to be here with his son than to have money and health insurance through a job.
I agree that fathers need to be there for their sons, I just feel that it is wrong if you have a way to have a full time job and stability to ?give it up and just think you can live off of the state's assistance. I also think that over time he might be able to work something out with his ex to see his son more.
Am I totally bonkers? I am also completely biased towards the military, of my immediate family, parents and sibling and step siblings and inlaws included I (and my DH) am the only one non-military. She has also hated him being in navy from the time he told them he was joining.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need good bumpie input! (long, sorry!)
Me too!!!
yeah, this too
I see both sides of it.
I guess my question is why you would get in a huge fight with MIL about it? BIL will do what he decides, and she's his mother, so of course she's going to think her viewpoint is right concerning her son (and of course she's going to want him home, safe, as his mother). If I were you, I would have my opinion, but I wouldn't fight over it. Unless you or MIL will have a direct influence on BIL's decision, I don't think it's worth it. Let him deal with her. In my experience, those things aren't worth getting involved in. It could become a family war, and you don't want to get involved since it doesn't directly involve you anyways.
If BIL wants out of the military and is willing to go to school full time, work, and live with his parents, I don't understand the huge problem with it (or where's it's living off the state's assistance? I didn't follow that part). As long as he really is working toward a better life, and can work something out, that's his choice. As ex-military wouldn't he also get some tuition assistance? I also think that you get very, very few years with your children when they are small, and I can completely understand him not wanting to miss those if he can by being across country. I understand what you are saying about the job, but he's always going to have those issues if he wants to get out of the military, so why not get on the path to getting out sooner rather than later if there is a way for him to do it.