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3rd Trimester
need help in judgement call (long)
OK so I don't know if anyone remembers, but I posted a vent on here about 1.5 - 2 weeks ago about DH's friend's GF who was driving me up the wall & getting me ticked off a lot. A lot of you lovely ladies gave me advice to stay away from here and not get into her drama. I am pleased to say I haven't spoken to her once since & feel sooo much better.
Anyways, a few days ago DH's friend (the girls BF) sends DH a text saying that he really needed to talk to him about something important. DH was in the middle of doing something so waited about 10 min before calling him. When his friend didn't answer, DH got kinda confused and texted him asking what was up? His friend texted him back saying "thanks anyway man but I got the marriage thing figured out." ??? Anyways, happy for his friend DH texts back "congratulations! Have you proposed yet?" I think DH was curious on how his friend would "pop the question" cuz when DH proposed to me it was semi disasterous & didn't go at all as planned (story for a different time) lol. I think DH expected traditional one knee-present with ring kinda proposal but to his surprise his friend texted back "I haven't done it yet, I don't know how you propose to someone when the only reason you're doing it is cuzyou have to." Just like that he blatently said it. I was shocked. DH texted back something along the lines of "oh well i'm sure there are other reasons, like you love her." Then friend texts back calling him "gay" cuz he was talking about love. Now if you knew his friend, this would SERIOUSLY confuse you cuz his friend was a bit of a player before but since he's been with his GF he talks non stop of how much he loves her, & how different she is than any other girl, & can get pretty lovey dovey sounding so this was really weird to both DH and I.
The two of them took serious pride in the fact that they never even argue, but I know that since she found out she was pregnant, things have been more difficult for them due to her "raging hormones." For the record, I am not by any means minimizing pregnancy hormones whatsoever, but she isn't even out of her 1st trimester! I don't know about you girls, but if I took my hormonal emotional fits from now (in the 3rd tri) as well as the middle of my 2nd tri, I'd look like a freakin angel in the 1st tri (& may I add the fact that I'm bipolar so when I get hormonal, I GET HORMONAL & my 1st tri was def not a picnic but a heck of a lot better then now) If its getting to them this bad at only 9 wks pregnant, they're in for a treat within the next few months.
Anyway, their texting convo stopped after that & we found out later that apparently he did ask her to marry him in some way (we don't know how) & she accepted. Now here's where I come to a moral crossroads: I'm almost positive she thinks he wants to marry her cuz he loves her & whatnot but from what he's saying its the complete opposite. (DH & I have noticed they both have a bad habit of saying 1 thing to other people & then saying the complete opposite to each other) theres not much honesty in that relationship-from both sides. I don't know what to do. I feel like since I know the "real" reason why he's marrying her (& it must be the "real" reason cuz if he was marrying her out of love he would've had NO problem saying that to DH) she should know. I mean, if I were in her shoes & my BF proposed to me & led me to believe he did it out of love, I would want to know if he was running his mouth telling his friend that's not the truth. Then again, I feel like I should just stay out of it. Truth be told, I kinda secretly enjoy watching them struggle at times just for the reason that I told her and DH told him a whole bunch of advice on pregnancy, marriage, & relationships & then chose not listen whatsoever so its kinda like a silent i-told-you-so. However, I feel this is a little bit more serious & my main concern is for their child when he/she is born. If they're both stuck in a bad marriage I'm sure it will affect their child especially the way the GF is.
So I turn to you all. What would you do: keep it to yourself or speak up? And if I do chose to speak up, in all seriousness, how do you tell someone something like that whether you like them or not?? Advice please?? (sorry this is so long. I tried shortening it but I feel details are important) 
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Re: need help in judgement call (long)
I would stay out of it if I were you. If DH wants to talk to his friend and try to convince him to be more honest about his reasons for proposing, that's one thing, but isn't this exactly the kind of drama you were looking for advice on how to avoid?
And a note on pregnancy hormones: I was a total b!tch to DH in the first tri and have been pretty much fine since. Sure, now I have the 'cry at a Hallmark commercial' type of hormones, but nothing like the raging monster that just wanted to pick fights to pick fights in 1st tri. Everyone is different.
I absolutely would NOT say anything. It really isn't your place, and you may not know the whole story. Maybe this guy was just stressed about the whole situation and still needs to put things in perspective. Plus, you don't want to ruin your DH friendship with this person. I would just stay out of it.
Yep, staying out of it is a good call here.
My BIL is sort of in a similar spot. He and his GF had an "accident" back in June and she miscarried in July. They were dating a little less than a year when it happened.
Well he proposed over Thanksgiving and rather than be supportive, everyone was asking him "well are you just going along with it or is this REALLY what you want to do?"
The problem is no one is hedging these questions so imagine how his fiance feels? Even my DH was skeptical since they got engaged and then didn't make an official announcement--she posted a cryptic thing on FB. They were waiting until they could afford a ring to make it official to everyone.
It's hurt a lot of feelings.
You don't know that he isn't madly in love with her or dealing with some conflicting emotions. This is second-hand information from text messages. Not exactly the easiest way to communicate complex emotional issues!
I don't think this is in ANY way something you should get in the middle of - none of your business. Even though you THINK he would have no problem saying it's because he loves her, you can not know that for sure. You can't know for sure that he was not masking emotions over a complicated situation and even if he was, it's not your place to get involved anyway. Add to all that the fact that she's never going to belive you and it 99.9% positively wouldn't change her mind...and you just end up looking like a big ole b!tch when you think you're being helpful.
xeleventybillion.
Exactly this. First of all, chances are your DH is the one getting the BS stories. Second, it's none of your business whatsoever - especially since you seem to be ENJOYING the fact that they're arguing. Third - I was WAY, WAY more hormonal in the first tri than I am now, so her flipping out doesn't even make me bat an eye.