Would you ask your host to host at your house?

nicanmatt · December 2009

A close friend told me that I should have my sister host my baby shower at my house. That the invitations would clearly show that I'm not hosting but that then I will not have to load up my car and drive everything back home. Apparently she did this for her sister and her sister was very appreciative.

The only good thing I can see from this is that my sister lives at least an hour away from where 2/3 of the invitees live. I could care less about driving it, but to have almost 20 people drive over an hour vs. 5 people who are all related seems silly.

What are your thoughts?

robinsokj · December 2009

I think its rude to suggest the place for the party unless the host asks for your input

Sarah_Fay · December 2009

I say go for it. ?Just make the suggestion. ?I think I would love to have my shower at my house.

mrsjengle · December 2009

I agree with previous post. Although I'm sure they will help out, you will be the one frantically cleaning the day before, and cleaning when guests leave. It's nice that you wouldn't have to tote your presents, but the planners could always help you with that any way.

dustinblouin · December 2009

Me and DH just bought our first home last May and I knid of want to see if my mom wouldn't mind having it at our house. The main reason being that most of my family hasn't seen it yet and it would be a good time to show them our first home.

missdanib · December 2009

My sis and SIL will be hosting at my house. Most of the attendees do live about a half an hour away from my house, but it really is so much easier to not have to bring all of those gifts home (my bridal shower was a pain in the butt). A friend of mine had hers at her house and she said that the guests loved being able to see the nursery.

MotherBucker · December 2009

I think it's rude to have the guest of honor take part in any of the planning of their shower. So to suggest where your shower should be, yes, is rude.

nicanmatt · December 2009

My sister did ask if I thought everyone would be willing to drive. I hadn't even thought of who I would be inviting and said I figured it would be such a small group that it would probably be fine. Then when I talked with DH it turned out that a bunch of his best friend's wives are planning to be invited (which is great because I don't know that many people here) and if you add them to DH's relatives it turns into a fairly good-sized number of people driving.

Now I'm just wondering how rude it would be to re-approach my sister. I know DH would be awesome about having the whole place clean. It just seems like it would be awkward to have them all over with myself as the guest of honor.

sherina825 · December 2009

Do it. I don't understand why it would be "rude" to make a suggestion. It could be fun and convenient for everyone.

youngheather · December 2009

I have no idea where my shower will be, or if anybody is planning one, but I don't think it's rude to have it at your own house if somebody else is clearly hosting. I doubt mine will end up at our house, but I can see a lot of pros to doing it there! Plus we just bought a new place and have been doing a total renovation, I know everybody would love to see it...and the babies room (granted, it's full of boxes right now, but hopefully not for long!).

gocards1 · December 2009

My baby shower was held at my house and hosted by my mom and favorite aunt. My aunt lives 5 hours away and the only way my mom would have had room for everyone was to have the shower in her finished basement. My grandmothers were still living at the time and could not get down the stairs, so my house was the only place it could be held. My mom and aunt were getting completely stressed about where to hold it, so I just offered my house. Maybe some would call that "tacky," but they can bite me

It was a complete PITA to get the house cleaned and ready for everything, but I didn't have to do anything the day of the shower. Plus, it was nice for everyone to see the nursery and stuff. It was also nice not to have to pack and unload a bunch of gifts.

FutureMECC · December 2009

As long as your hostess wouldn't be offended then do it. She is supposed to be your friend so she should be planning the party around what you want and what works for you. At least that is how my best friend would feel.

mbear511 · December 2009

DH's cousin will be hosting my shower (last one to have a baby on his side of the family) and she was looking for a place to host so I suggested at my home. We are currently remodeling it so it will be an open house/baby shower for DH and I.

MrsEmm · December 2009

Since my house was half-way btwn my IL's & my family they asked to host it at my place - I was very happy to have it at home. I didnt have to transport gifts & got to show off the nursery. It turned out great.

mysticporter · December 2009

If your sister already brought up the issue of driving/having it at your house, I don't think it would be rude to her to bring it up again. At the same time, somehow no matter what the invites say whoever's house it is at appears to be playing a bit of a part in the hosting (just my opinion). If it was me I'd let it be and not get involved.

limaso · December 2009

i've been following, and even commented on, a lot of these shower posts because my bf and i have found ourselves in a pretty unique situation:

both my grandma and bf's mother want to host showers. my grandma is 87 years old. my mom is helping her, but my mom lost her job over a year ago, and isn't really in a financial situation to help out in that way. meanwhile, bf's mom lives rather far away and has a much smaller circle of family and friends, and has never hosted a shower.

so bf and i are helping in every way we can: we are designing and sending the invites (where guests can choose which shower to attend, based on timing and location), we will handle the rsvps, we are likely funding the catering/food/decorations for both showers.

granted, once we get there, i'm planning on sitting, eating and socializing, and letting the hosts host, but to read that i am rude, or inappropriate or tacky for having a role in my own baby shower, when i am merely trying to alleviate the financial and time stressors on my hosts...

i have a problem with that.

i hear the word "greedy" bounced around a lot. what i think is greedy is assuming that someone else is going to take on the responsibility of organizing, decorating, planning and inviting 40 of YOUR friends and family over, so they can honor you (and your baby, and your partner), and all you'll have to do is show up, sit down, open presents, and go home to write thank you's.

my family is very tight knit. and, both of these showers, from start to finish, has been cooperative, done as a team involving my bf, his mom, my mom, my grandma, and myself. the very last words i would use to describe the love and respect necessary to take this on are tacky, greedy, rude or inappropriate.

cdc1982 · December 2009

I haven't even hear whispers of a baby shower yet so I'm not even sure if i'm having one. To be honest, I'm happy I haven't heard because I'd really like it to be a surprise!

If I find out one is going on, I don't think I'll suggest our house, I'll let the host choose where to have it & hopefully DH will help with giving ideas. The only place I do NOT want it is at my aunt's place. I love her house, it's great for parties because it's big & open. The problem is that we rarely go there except for special occasions (my cousins b-days & some holidays) so to suddenly have to go there would be a dead give-away (like it was for my bridal shower).

robinsokj · December 2009

limaso:
i've been following, and even commented on, a lot of these shower posts because my bf and i have found ourselves in a pretty unique situation:
both my grandma and bf's mother want to host showers. my grandma is 87 years old. my mom is helping her, but my mom lost her job over a year ago, and isn't really in a financial situation to help out in that way. meanwhile, bf's mom lives rather far away and has a much smaller circle of family and friends, and has never hosted a shower.
so bf and i are helping in every way we can: we are designing and sending the invites (where guests can choose which shower to attend, based on timing and location), we will handle the rsvps, we are likely funding the catering/food/decorations for both showers.
granted, once we get there, i'm planning on sitting, eating and socializing, and letting the hosts host, but to read that i am rude, or inappropriate or tacky for having a role in my own baby shower, when i am merely trying to alleviate the financial and time stressors on my hosts...
i have a problem with that.
i hear the word "greedy" bounced around a lot. what i think is greedy is assuming that someone else is going to take on the responsibility of organizing, decorating, planning and inviting 40 of YOUR friends and family over, so they can honor you (and your baby, and your partner), and all you'll have to do is show up, sit down, open presents, and go home to write thank you's.
my family is very tight knit. and, both of these showers, from start to finish, has been cooperative, done as a team involving my bf, his mom, my mom, my grandma, and myself. the very last words i would use to describe the love and respect necessary to take this on are tacky, greedy, rude or inappropriate.

No matter the situation, throwing yourself a shower is tacky. Its just asking for presents. If you cant afford the child, and are relying on gifts from everyone, you shouldnt have babies. I know that sounds harsh, but so be it.

If someone wanted to host it and asked for help, thats one thing, but to take it upon yourself to throw a shower is tacky.

Im not saying this is what you did...its just an explanation of previous posts that others have made.

limaso · December 2009

but nowhere in this thread is someone mentioning throwing their own shower. not the op, not anyone who has responded, nor myself.

the op was thinking of offering her own house as a venue.

my personal shower situation is that two hosts offered, we graciously accepted both, and to make matters easier for them, are offering to handle the invites and expenses. obviously, we can more than afford to buy things ourselves (in fact, the larger items: crib, stroller, car seat are not even on our registry, b/c i think its presumptuous to register for gifts over $200, given that you're all but asking someone to buy that for you), which is why we're helping our families with the shower expenses.

i just can't understand how offering to help your hosts, whether they ask for it first or not can possibly be considered rude or tacky. i just don't get it.

robinsokj · December 2009

limaso:
but nowhere in this thread is someone mentioning throwing their own shower. not the op, not anyone who has responded, nor myself.

the op was thinking of offering her own house as a venue.

my personal shower situation is that two hosts offered, we graciously accepted both, and to make matters easier for them, are offering to handle the invites and expenses. obviously, we can more than afford to buy things ourselves (in fact, the larger items: crib, stroller, car seat are not even on our registry, b/c i think its presumptuous to register for gifts over $200, given that you're all but asking someone to buy that for you), which is why we're helping our families with the shower expenses.
i just can't understand how offering to help your hosts, whether they ask for it first or not can possibly be considered rude or tacky. i just don't get it.

If your input isnt asked for, I think it could be taken the wrong way...Like you dont appreciate what they are doing. If they ask for input, then by all means, give it.

megandjohn08 · December 2009

My friends are hosting it at my house, simply because they're my college friends and we all live in different towns, and mine is the most centrally located. I don't think it's rude...my friends asked if I wanted it at my house.

mysticporter · December 2009

limaso:
but nowhere in this thread is someone mentioning throwing their own shower. not the op, not anyone who has responded, nor myself.

the op was thinking of offering her own house as a venue.

my personal shower situation is that two hosts offered, we graciously accepted both, and to make matters easier for them, are offering to handle the invites and expenses. obviously, we can more than afford to buy things ourselves (in fact, the larger items: crib, stroller, car seat are not even on our registry, b/c i think its presumptuous to register for gifts over $200, given that you're all but asking someone to buy that for you), which is why we're helping our families with the shower expenses.
i just can't understand how offering to help your hosts, whether they ask for it first or not can possibly be considered rude or tacky. i just don't get it.

What about the option of telling someone who is throwing a shower they can't comfortably plan or afford "Hey, we don't need all this! How about something simpler, just some family and close friends for cookies?"

bethann3181 · December 2009

I really think people make way to big of a deal about this type of shower etiquette. If you think holding the shower at your house sounds like a good idea, then suggest it to your sister! I am having my shower at my house, and it came to be that way because my friend told me that my mom and MIL were going to have it a restaurant because neither one of there homes are large enough. I didn't want them to pay a few hundred dollars when we can certainly use my home as the venue! Your sister might appreciate it - I say talk to her about it and go from there!

Want a personalized experience?

Would you ask your host to host at your house?

Re: Would you ask your host to host at your house?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards