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3rd Trimester
NBR: Advice needed *long*
I will try to keep this as short as possible, but I'm not making any promises.
Backstory: H's mom's side of the family are a bunch of wackadoos. They are greedy, love to sue eachother and anyone who dares cross them, including their own children, grandchildren, etc. My H's uncle said when H's grandmother passed away he was going to sue us for ownership of a home that H's grandmother signed over to us. She knew how much the house meant to him because of how close he was to his grandpa before he passed. Well, she apparently wanted us to take care of the house and pay bills while she was still living, even though we didn't own a home of our own yet. We decided to give the house back after about 6 months of her trying to make us pay her bills. She tried suing us stating we forced her to give us the house, blah blah blah. Needless to say, we have stayed away from that side of the family. They are downright toxic!
H's uncle called us to wish us a Merry Christmas, but wanted to know why we hadn't talked to him in over 2 years. Really? You wonder? My H straight up told him why. Uncle apologized "if he had said that". Pretty sure you would remember that. I was glad he apologized, H not so much, he wanted a reason to stay away.
Now, my H is struggling with making up with his mother. His mother is a wackadoo too. She is evil and I hate the woman to be totally honest. She is CONSTANTLY talking bad about us at church, but luckily, they all know she's lost it. She has tried suing us more than once for not letting her borrow money, saying we stole from her, etc. She is always telling SIL how she hates us, tells us to burn in hell. She has been asking what H wanted for Christmas but told SIL to remind me, she's not getting "that *** anything" (me). How nice, MIL. You're a peach. I told H he is more than welcome to have a relationship with her, it's his mother and who am I to say, "No"? But, he says how is he supposed to have a relationship when she won't be allowed over, won't be able to see Ella, and so on. Good point, H. (These are boundaries I set)
Here's my question. Should I agree to make up with her, let her know the trust will take a long time to regain and ask her to keep her mouth shut with other people? (She will never be left alone with Ella because I believe she is one of those people that would hurt her just to hurt H and I.) Or should I just keep not talking to her. I see good things in both. I did tell H if we do make up with her, it won't be until after Ella is here because I don't need the stress of that woman right now, and she is so not invited up to the hospital. My family HATES her so much and I know it would cause alot of uneeded tension on such a great day for my H and I.
Any advice would be great!
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Re: NBR: Advice needed *long*
As someone who has NO relationship with the vast majority of H's side of the family... I have finally learned to let him make the call of who he is willing to have a relationship with.
That being said, if anyone in his family ever spoke rudely of me (unprovoked - or possibly even provoked, lol) he would write them off without a second glance.
Good luck!
Not at all, and that's been my point. She is already not that great of a grandmother to our 7 year old nephew. I just think it would not be good for her at all, but I feel for my DH who doesn't have his mother around. As crazy as she is...it's still his mom, KWIM?
yikes, that's a whole lot of crazy. if it were me, i would probably be willing to forgive her if it would help your husband mend fences with her, and not necessarily refuse to see/talk to her, but i would definitely severely limit the time i had to spend with her. i wouldn't be volunteering to help her move furniture or hold a garage sale any time soon.
it's sometimes a challenge when the situation is as extreme as this, but possible, to keep things at arm's length and remain relatively civil.
First of all, WOW! your DH's side of the family sound like COMPLETE weirdos & I totally understand why you would want to stay away. However, I wanted to say that I understand where your DH is coming from. I cut ties with my mother's side of the family over 3 years ago and maybe its because I'm pregnant, I've suddenly wanted (and attempted) to fix things with them although, I've made it clear to my DH that our son is to stay away from them as much as possible & is to NEVER be alone even in a room with her because my mother is the type of person who would drill into my son's head what a bad person I am when he is old enough.
My advice is sit with your DH & openly discuss what he hopes to accomplish by making up with his mom & what you can do to help that happen as well as what you want. Then I would have another sit down discussion with your DH, MIL and you about your expectations & make it clear that seeing your LO is not by any means a right, it is at this point a privledge, one that can be taken away. I would atleast try that and see what happens, so no one can say you guys didn't try. His family does seem toxic, however, they are technically your family too and they will be LO's as well. Just tread with caution.
Sorry this is REALLY long. Hope it helps! GL!
This advice is great. You are seeing things the way I see them too. H doesn't really want to talk about it so I have been letting him little by little and I know he will want to more once the baby is closer to being born because he knows it kills his mom knowing she won't be seeing her (if we won't make up with her). Thank you soooo much!