If you have kids 4+ years apart in age (w/ no kids in between)

summerbrideDC · December 2009

What is the dynamic between them? Do they interact? Did the older child have a hard time adjusting?

DH and I are trying to decide how long to TTC; at this point, if I get pregnant, our kids will be 4+ years apart, which isn't something I'd ever anticipated. I never wanted 2 under 2 (no offense to anyone who has that scenario!), but I didn't expect our oldest to be 4 and 1/2 or older before getting a sibling.

firefightersgal · December 2009

I'll be interested in the answers you get. I feel the same as you on both not wanting 2 under 2, but not ever expecting to have so much of a gap, either.

belle204 · December 2009

i don't obviously but my sister and i are 3 years apart and we got along really well growing up. it was just enough space that i could teach her things but we didn't dislike playing the same things. we fought as most siblings do (we still do) but for the most part we were tight and when we get along we are inseperable. i think 4 is still a good spacing.

Rebekah1021 · December 2009

Also in the same boat as you.

My sister and I are 4 years apart. We had a great time as kids and played together all.the.time. I did have a brother in between us, but he played with my older bro. My sister and I are best friends to this day.

(((Hugs))) to us all.

CubbyMama · December 2009

I don't, obviously, but my room mom did a few years ago and LOVED it. Her older boy was in 5th grade and her little one in kindergarten, and she said it was almost like having two only children in terms of how much one-on-one time she got to spend with each of them (b/c the older one was in school full-time not long after the younger one was born). She said they get along great, and the older one has always been a ton of help with his younger brother.

amiamish · December 2009

My brother and I are 4yrs apart, we got along great as kids. I never could/wanted to tag along with him because we were at different stages. It was nice not being in the same schools at the same time too-except elm.school. My mom said bro did great when I came along. He was independant, past the baby stage and ready to be a big helper. He and I have always been really close and talk a lot....I honestly can not think of a time we fought or I 'hated' him.....

shopgirl_07 · December 2009

I think 4-5 years apart is ideal. My son's half-sister is 5 years younger than he is and they have a great relationship. It's nice because at 4 or 5, the older child can really help out with the younger one. Plus, they're in preschool or kindergarten for part of the day so they have time to be with their peers and you have one on one time with the little one. In the grand scheme of life, 4 or 5 years apart is nothing.

I don't know, some things you just can't plan. I think whatever the age difference is, it'll work out somehow. I'm 9 years older than my brother and I was more like a mother to him growing up. But now that we're adults, we share a lot of interests and get along well.

meghans30 · December 2009

My youngest brother and I are 9.5 years apart. I enjoyed teaching him things and we get along well.

black.kat · December 2009

Our will be almost 4 yrs apart. I have no idea how it will be, but there are some positives I am looking forward to such as... Ani being (mostly) potty trained, her being self sufficent in alot of things, being in preschool, being helpful around the house... I am one of those that wouldn't have really wanted 2 under 2 so....

DevonPow · December 2009

I don't have first hand experiece yet, but ours will be 4 years apart I am guessing. I think it will be really good in terms of the amount of one on one time I get to spend with each child, etc. Also, I think for any sibling rerlationship, personality matters FAR more than age difference.

KateAggie · December 2009

DH has a close friend whose girls are 5 years apart, and they are very close. My Mom and her sis were 8 years apart, and not close growing up, but became best friends as adults. My Aunt passed 12 years ago, but I know she and my Mom wouldn't have traded their relationship for the world.

IMO, it's a crapshoot regardless. At the end of the day, personalities, not age, will determine the relationship.

Erin&Rod · December 2009

I don't have 2 yet, but mine will likely be 4 years apart. DS and his cousin are 3 1/2 years apart and they play together wonderfully. DS prefers playing with older kids than kids his age.

lsufan · December 2009

I don't have this, but my older sister was 6 years older than me, and my younger sister is 4 years younger than me. It was all I ever knew, so I never thought anything of it, you know? I think we all had/have a pretty good relationship with each other, even though we weren't really going through the same things at the same time. We had different sets of friends and never went to the same school at the same time. It was kind of fun seeing how our relationships changed as we got older, since the age difference started to matter less and less. Even though my sisters were 10 years apart from each other, they became good friends once my younger sister was about 18.

There are pros and cons to different sibling spacings. My mom thinks I am nuts for having mine so close together.

knmommy · December 2009

Nathan and Kaitlyn are 4 1/2 yrs apart. It mostly has been great, they get along good and Nathan teaches her everything he knows (not always a good thing lol) I will say the hardest part is trying to do things with a 4.5 yo and a new baby. GL.

editing to add, I have also had 2 under 2, I think 4.5 yrs apart is much easier!

veloelle · December 2009

My sister and I are almost 5 years apart. I always liked having an older sister. She was a trendsetter for me, we had totally separate friends and weren't in HS at the same time. I liked it. And she was the cool older sister who drove me around.

My niece and nephew are 5 years apart. Typically of boys and girls, their issues are gender related, not age.

Our kids will be over 3.5 yrs apart. DC #2 is due April 2, and DD will be 4 on July 28. I LOVE that they aren't close in age; I also never wanted kids close in age. Maybe because of my experience w/ my sister. My ONLY regret aboout the age is that my sister's kids are so much older than DD, that all of her cousins are at least 6 years older than her. On the other hand, she adores her older cousins (ages 20 - 9 between DH and me) and they have fun w/ her.

VinBert · December 2009

SD and SS are a little over 3.5 years apart. They get along fine, other than normal sibling rivalry. SD protects and takes care of SS in school, etc and when then were younger, they played together fine. Now that they are older, they don't have as much in common, but that is probably the gender thing, rather than the age difference.

DesignerMama · December 2009

My younger brother and I are almost exactly four years apart. I always thought we'd have our kids four years apart too. But due to too much crap going on right now, we're tentatively planning for 5 years apart. My BFF has two that are seven years apart and she says it's perfect and wouldn't want it any other way. Personally, I'd rather have more time between then then less. Two under two would have killed me!

PoundCake · December 2009

My brother and I are 17 years apart. Can you say oops? Lol.

Its great now.

But honestly, my cousin and her sister are 6 years apart and they are the best of friends.

FriskyPanda · December 2009

SD1 is about 4 years older than SD2. The kids are good to each other and interact, but with SD1 being a teenager she is more into her own friends and going to the mall. Their still close, although they bicker like nobody's business. When I first came into the picture (5 yrs ago), the girls did more things together than they do now, but I guess that's what happens when one is allowed to go to the mall with friends.

SD2 is 8 years older than DD, and they are so sweet to each other. DD is SD2's biggest fan, and SD2 loves playing with her.

katie277s · December 2009

DS will be 5 days after this baby comes. We didn't really expect there to be that much of an age gap, but we just couldn't swing a baby sooner than now.

I am not nervous really. I think DS is going to be a GREAT big brother. He loves playing with babies at school, and really takes on the big brother role around younger children.

Purrrfect433 · December 2009

I used to be a nanny for two children who were 6 years apart. I will admit that it was difficult to plan activities that they were both interested in, but I think it was fine, otherwise. For example, they didn't like the same tv shows/movies, didn't play together on the playground, didn't enjoy the same outings, and things of that nature. But they had an interesting sibling dynamic in that the older child took on a lot of self-imposed responsibility for her younger brother. She often reprimanded him, reminded him of what he was/wasn't supposed do etc. She would play with him a lot, and at his level, but it was difficult when she wanted to do things by herself and he wanted to join(and was too young/immature/wasn't a 2-child activity).

I think you will probably thrive with a larger age-difference, honestly. The younger and closer in age they are, the more difficult it is to deal with their constant and relentless demands. All I do, all day long is meet their basic needs and it's exhausting. As soon as I've met one's needs, the others need something new and on it goes until bedtime! Ethan will be in school, able to entertain himself more, be old enough to go on solo play-dates, be helpful and not be jealous when you have to take care of the baby. You'll notice the difference between the baby and him more and be able to really appreciate both children, I think.

cnybride2be · December 2009

my brother and sil have a 20 year old, a 15 year old, a ten year old, and a 5 year old. there is just so much fun, sibling rivalry, and sometimes team work in their house on a daily basis that i forget about their five year spans. i have two older brothers, (they are 13 months apart) and i was two years after the second. then my little brother came 10 years later. i am, and always was closest to him. i don't think my mom expected what she got and i know sil wasn't crazy about starting all over once one was school age but hey families are unique.

Brideofranken · December 2009

veloelle:

My sister and I are almost 5 years apart. I always liked having an older sister. She was a trendsetter for me, we had totally separate friends and weren't in HS at the same time. I liked it. And she was the cool older sister who drove me around.

This was my brother's and my situation, except I was the older sister- he totally was into whatever bands I said were cool, and did what I thought was cool- and we are very alike now. he RULES. I adore him. He even moved to Colorado a year after I did.

also, my Ma has always said what someone up post mentioned- how it was like having 2 only children- I was in kindergarten whenever he was born, and so she had a LOT of time to tend to him, and I would be helpful, etc.

I sure am sorry this has to weigh so heavily on you- if it helps. I can honestly say that the close in age part of my kids spacing (to me) was a consolation...It really would have been easier if J was older when W came along! I wished it all the time. (things are much easier now...but still I think about it.

you've had great time to raise and get to know E- and you'll get the same special time with #2, this way (which may just be a consolation for you- but I really feel sad that W has basically shared me since the minute he was born. He has rarely gotten a minute of my undivided attention and that makes me sort of sad- though I am sure it won't matter in the long run...but still...ouch.

BostonGayGal · December 2009

My older sister is more than four years older than me. When we were growing up we didn't play together all the time, but we are best friends as adults. I think it is a great thing.

Angela814 · December 2009

We'll have just over a 4 year age gap when this baby is born, so I'm interested to see the responses.

DH and his brother are almost 5 years apart, and they've always gotten along great.

Bride2b2004 · December 2009

There is a 4 year gap between this baby and DS. We planned on a 2.5-3 year gap, but God had other plans. People in this position have told me that their children seem to enjoy each other more and have less sibling rivalry. I am happy with the age difference. I got to spend all these years focusing on DS and we have had a wonderful family dynamic. I am looking forward to the new baby, but I am glad we had these years with just the 3 of us.

Want a personalized experience?

If you have kids 4+ years apart in age (w/ no kids in between)

Re: If you have kids 4+ years apart in age (w/ no kids in between)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards