Ever get tired of being the bigger person? Long. . . .

TaraBrooks · December 2009

Hey Ladies-

You all know the issues I have with my little sister. The one who told me "I wasn't upset about losing my child I just felt guilty because I didn't really want it?"

I haven't talked to her since August, and it's been a very peaceful 4 months. Fast forward to last night, my mom calls to tell me my nephew, 4 months old, is in AI Dupont Childrens Hospital in the ICU Unit for breathing issues.

I couldn't go there today due to DH's schedule and my DD being sick, but the question is, do I bite the bullet and be the bigger person AGAIN and go up there?

If you knew our history I'm constantly the one having to be the bigger person. She's a user, with 2 under 2 with a deadbeat daddy, borrows money never repays it, talks about everyone. She's accused her baby daddy of rape, physical and verbal abuse and my family has always rushed to her aide, only to be slapped in the face when things are good in her life again. I'm the one she used to run to for problems and then turns around and screws me over. I know it's awful but I don't want to concede AGAIN.

I need to grow up right? My nephew can't help who his mother is, but I don't want to travel down the drama road again.

dondraandluis · December 2009

Honestly, yes I think you should go. The nephew being sick shouldn't have to do with your issues with his mom. You are being there for him, not his mom. I'm sorry that you have to deal with a sister like that.

Pixie21 · December 2009

I'd go for my Nephew's sake. I wouldn't let issues with my sister come between being there for him, your right he can't help who his mother is. So i'd go. I hope he gets out the ICU soon and is back home soon.

TravelinMama · December 2009

I think you should go for your Nephew's sake. You don't need to speak to her about anything paticular, but at be at his side.

Scout05 · December 2009

I am going to be a voice of dissent here. He has his mom and (I am assuming) your mother as well there with him. Unless something drastically changes in his condition, what would your being there really do? Your own child is sick, and it seems perfectly okay to me that you stay home and just get updates on his condition.

As long as you call to check in and go if specifically asked, I don't really see the need for you to rush over there right now.

You can't do anything for him anyway, he won't know that you are there, and honestly? Sometimes you just have to step all the way back. It sucks, but that's reality.

I really hope he is going to be okay, and that you don't get dragged into any more messy drama.

krate24 · December 2009

MarieGranados:
I think you should go for your Nephew's sake. You don't need to speak to her about anything paticular, but at be at his side.

This. But it's a tough call and I totally see what you are saying about not wanting to constantly be the bigger person. But like you said, it's not your nephew's fault that he ended up with your sister for a mom.

schen0510 · December 2009

I agree with everyone else. You should definitely go. I do not know your history well in regards to your sister but it seems like she doesn't really have her act together...and your nephew is really going to need someone that does. Be his strength!

sydney0928 · December 2009

ambrandau2:

I am going to be a voice of dissent here. He has his mom and (I am assuming) your mother as well there with him. Unless something drastically changes in his condition, what would your being there really do? Your own child is sick, and it seems perfectly okay to me that you stay home and just get updates on his condition.

As long as you call to check in and go if specifically asked, I don't really see the need for you to rush over there right now.

You can't do anything for him anyway, he won't know that you are there, and honestly? Sometimes you just have to step all the way back. It sucks, but that's reality.

I really hope he is going to be okay, and that you don't get dragged into any more messy drama.

This. Being there really won't do much. You would be there to support her more than him, and it sounds like you don't really want to do that.

heathergirl67 · December 2009

Is there going to be other family there? Mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, grandpa? If he'll have plenty of visitors I wouldn't go. It's not like he'll be hurt that you didn't show up and you being there isn't going to magically cure his condition. If, however, I thought it was likely that the only people he'd be interacting with during his stay was medical personnel, then I would go.

I think offering to watch the older kid would be much more helpful and practical. I wouldn't let your sis bring the older one to you, though. I'd either make another family member deliver him/her to me or I'd go pick the kid up myself. I know what it's like to have family like that and if you must see them, it helps if you're in control and can leave when you need to. GL! I hope that your nephew gets to be feeling better. And I do hope that you're able to be in those kids' lives in some capacity. It sounds like they're going to need you.

P.S. If your sis is the way I'm imagining, you showing up at the hospital wouldn't be good for the baby. I'm thinking she'd probably start a fight with you and make a big scene. She sounds very self-absorbed, so it would become "look at me, I'm such a victim to this monster" and take all of the attention away from her son. He doesn't need that. No one does.

denise_m · December 2009

My IL's were mad at me my entire pregnancy with DS. I was evil because I was in the hospital and didn't call THEM enough. I could tell you stories that would make your head spin.

When DS came home from the NICU, we invited them over ALL the timea dn they came twice. Words cannot express the guilt I know they felt when he passed away, or the anger dh and I had towards them.

If God forbid anything happened to your nephew, you would not forgive yourself. And we all know life is too precious and too fragile, tomorrow is never promised to any of us.

ShellShockedMama · December 2009

I was going to say everything Allison said.

JayandTay09 · December 2009

Sounds like your sister is a real d bag...That being said your nephew didn't choose her as a mom, so I think you should go for his sake...I know how tough it can be to constantly have to be the bigger person, but I think in this case you have to....Sorry you have to deal with a sister like this!

lindsay.lou · December 2009

ambrandau2:
I am going to be a voice of dissent here. He has his mom and (I am assuming) your mother as well there with him. Unless something drastically changes in his condition, what would your being there really do? Your own child is sick, and it seems perfectly okay to me that you stay home and just get updates on his condition.

As long as you call to check in and go if specifically asked, I don't really see the need for you to rush over there right now.

You can't do anything for him anyway, he won't know that you are there, and honestly? Sometimes you just have to step all the way back. It sucks, but that's reality.

I really hope he is going to be okay, and that you don't get dragged into any more messy drama.

I agree. You and I both know you can't go there and *just* see your nephew. You're going to have to talk to her and it WILL be drama. Then, not only is it drama, it'll turn into "you came to my son's hospital bed and caused drama"

TaraBrooks · December 2009

Thanks Ladies.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but I appreciate all of your thoughts, it's what I needed to hear.

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