Baby Showers

Invite list

My sisters and a couple of friends from college have offered to host my shower.  I will have my family and friends in attendance and it will be about 60 people (I have a HUGE family) and will most likely not be co-ed. DH will NOT be there and his mother may, I'm not sure.  I am not close to his family at all, honestly they all kinda rub me the wrong way, and act a bit snobby.  Well here's my question:  Should I invite DH's family too?  I would invite his SIL and cousin whom I do actually like on my own, but not anyone else in his family.  I feel that it's my shower and it's for me to spend time with and fellowship with my friends and family, not people who I don't like.  Has anyone had a dilema like this?

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Re: Invite list

  • Sixty people is already an absolutely enormous shower.  How many have the hostesses said they can accommodate?
  • imageRoxyLynn:
    Sixty people is already an absolutely enormous shower.  How many have the hostesses said they can accommodate?

    That's what I was thinking.  Sixty is the ABSOLUTE most.  They didn't say how many, but I don't want to overwhelm them when they have offered to do this.  Especially not for the benefit of some people whom I don't have a relationship with.

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  • You may already be expecting far more than they can provide.  That's a LOT of people - I've never heard of a shower that big.

    Send the hostesses a quick, friendly e-mail - how appreciative you are, how you're looking forward to spending this time together, and you'd like them to tell you how many guests you can invite.  Then make your guest list fit that number.

    It will prevent a very awkward situation of them planning on 25 and you planning on 60.  Then they either sacrifice their personal budgets to pay for the event you want, they have to tell you to cut your list by over 50%, or the fighting starts between the ones who absolutely can't afford more than they had planned on and the ones who can.

  • Ditto Roxy.  You need to ask how many you can invite and base your list on that.

    No matter "who" you can't invite (whether it's your entire family, his family, or whoever), if people who aren't invited ask about the shower and if tehre is "oh- but what about our family?", the response is "A shower is being thrown, but we were only able to invite X people. We simply weren't able to invite everyone.".

    And then that person, if they want, can offer to throw a shower for "their" group.

    Realize this too- showers are NOT the "be all/ end all" of events.  They are NOT a wedding and "everyone" does not have to be invited. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • imageRoxyLynn:

    You may already be expecting far more than they can provide.  That's a LOT of people - I've never heard of a shower that big.

    Send the hostesses a quick, friendly e-mail - how appreciative you are, how you're looking forward to spending this time together, and you'd like them to tell you how many guests you can invite.  Then make your guest list fit that number.

    It will prevent a very awkward situation of them planning on 25 and you planning on 60.  Then they either sacrifice their personal budgets to pay for the event you want, they have to tell you to cut your list by over 50%, or the fighting starts between the ones who absolutely can't afford more than they had planned on and the ones who can.

    Very good suggestion!!!  It's my sister (and girls who are like my sisters) so it will have to be a LOT less formal, but knowing what they are expecting to do can make a lot of the drama go away at the beginning.   

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  • imagesherina825:
    knowing what they are expecting to do can make a lot of the drama go away at the beginning.   
    Amen to that. When you look back on your shower you want to remember it as a great, celebratory event and not as a drama-filled nightmare with complex negotiations and hurt feelings.   
  • imageEastCoastBride:

    Ditto Roxy.  You need to ask how many you can invite and base your list on that.

    No matter "who" you can't invite (whether it's your entire family, his family, or whoever), if people who aren't invited ask about the shower and if tehre is "oh- but what about our family?", the response is "A shower is being thrown, but we were only able to invite X people. We simply weren't able to invite everyone.".

    And then that person, if they want, can offer to throw a shower for "their" group.

    Realize this too- showers are NOT the "be all/ end all" of events.  They are NOT a wedding and "everyone" does not have to be invited. 

    VERY GOOD ANSWER!!!  I will put that in my mental roladex.  And honestly, I was thinking the same thing.  If they want to be included or have a shower for that side of the family, then one of them can offer to host it.  I just don't like the sense of entitlement that a lot of people (especially family members) have when it comes to things like this.  I'll get over it though, I'm sure.

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  • UPDATE!!  Just talked to my sister (the main hostess) and she said 70.  But with that being said, do you feel that I am obligated to invite his family or maybe like a pp said, just invite the ones that I want to invite and if anyone else has an issue let them know that everyone couldn't come.
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  • I would invite your MIL and SIL(s), but not the rest of the family.  If they want to throw one for their side of the family, then they can. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imagenorthtamarack:

    I would invite your MIL and SIL(s), but not the rest of the family.  If they want to throw one for their side of the family, then they can. 

    I agree and I think that's what I'm gonna do.

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  • imagesherina825:
    imagenorthtamarack:

    I would invite your MIL and SIL(s), but not the rest of the family.  If they want to throw one for their side of the family, then they can. 

    I agree and I think that's what I'm gonna do.

    Good.  And have your rolladex ready- if MIL or SIL say "Oh, what about ___ and ___" or something to that affect, be ready to say "This shower has to be limited to my friends and family.  We're already at 70 and I simply can't invite anyone else. I'm really sorry.".

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • imageEastCoastBride:
    imagesherina825:
    imagenorthtamarack:

    I would invite your MIL and SIL(s), but not the rest of the family.  If they want to throw one for their side of the family, then they can. 

    I agree and I think that's what I'm gonna do.

    Good.  And have your rolladex ready- if MIL or SIL say "Oh, what about ___ and ___" or something to that affect, be ready to say "This shower has to be limited to my friends and family.  We're already at 70 and I simply can't invite anyone else. I'm really sorry.".

     

    The info is stored.  I just had a thought...  I have NEVER been invited to a shower because I knew or was related to the man without having a relationship with the woman.  This means bridal or baby.  IDK why I was even thinking so hard about it.  Thanks Ladies!!!

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