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Me to DH RE: FIL not staying with us postpartum
"You don't have to agree or even like it, but you have to enforce it."
Too harsh? DH was a little put-off by this comment. FIL made a couple comments --to me, NOT DH -- about staying with us after I have the baby.
But seriously, if I have to deal with FIL (who doesn't cook, clean, or do laundry, BTW), when I'm all hormonal, and BF around the clock, and bleeding like a stuck pig, I WILL lose my sh!t.
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Re: Me to DH RE: FIL not staying with us postpartum
I have a cousin who basically put the family on lockdown for two weeks. It was her, the new baby, and her hubby and she wanted to bond as a family before ANYONE came over. Her inlaws were pissed, I think, but that was the family's choice.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. Plus, does your H realize how much your life is going to turn on its head in the matter of a day? You could also say to him, "I'll agree to your father staying here if you can agree to these conditions:"
Then list the million-and-five things that need to be done.
I've already had the convo with DH about his parents coming from out-of-town when the baby is born. I know it's a touchy situation but it sounds like you handled it well.
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It's sounds a heII of a lot better than saying, "If you alow your father in my home while I am PP, then you will find you and him living in a tent in some back alley."
In all seriousness, I think you made your feelings clear without being rude. A woman has to be able to put her foot down.
some backstory: We've already done this. When he stayed here after I had DS, he didn't cook, clean, or do laundry (I told DH anyone who wanted to stay had to do one of these things!), and his idea of helping was basically take my baby from me and babble incessantly and annoyingly to him. I wanted help, yes -- with household tasks, so I could spend time with my baby. It was very stressful to me and I felt like I had to hold on to DS even tighter to keep FIL from ripping him from my arms (he is worse than a MIL, IMO).
Second, he was at the house when we came home from the hospital with our preemie, he had just had the flu, and insisted on meeting us at the car and breathing all over DS. I was in tears within 5 minutes of walking in the house.
Grr. I feel like I am constantly complaining about FIL, who means well, but DH just doesn't get it.
I can already see myself threatening to pack up both babies and stay at my mom's house. Which is why I'm trying to nip this in the bud now. DH doesn't see why I would want my mom there but not his dad -- he doesn't see the difference. *eye roll*.
Your mother once gave birth to you. More than likely, your FIL (if he's like any sort of man that I've ever met) would complain about passing a semi-large turd.
*That* is the difference.
Oh dear - I feel for you. I had a c/s and ended up cooking, cleaning & such within just 2 weeks because no one else was *able* to??? My MIL would come over & just sit there holding DD. My parents did the same. Then when FIL finally made it down, he also did the same, and also made it seem like I was making HIM uncomfortable when I BF'd DD in the living room instead of going to the bedroom. Um...it's MY house and I'd rather not leave the room, thank you.
I hope your DH will realize that he needs to put his foot down & back you up on this. Good luck!
- and LOL to Glad's response!
Rated "L" For Life Blog
FIL would comment about how much DS liked my boobs when I was BFing him. It just keeps getting better, doesn't it??